End of Year



2023 is almost done, and its been a year of big changes personally, and its also been a year in which I feel like the Farm is well on its way to evolving into a place I am really proud of and love to spend time working on.

I have some gentle visions for 2024, but have not drilled down enough on them to have them cemented in place, so until I have I will hold them close to my chest…


– laundry, sheets changed, watered big veg bed, did web work.
Had chicken strog w konjac noodles for dinner.
Did the grocery order for pickup tomorrow.


– collected the grocery order, and got a couple of pairs of shorts from Big W.
Did more web work.
Watered a lot of the gardens and trees.
We had a couple of brief showers today and it’s been quite overcast, but needing much more to even dampen the ground.


– went down the hill today to drop a friend off at the airport.
Then went to bcf to collect a water pump, then bunnings to collect two garden beds then headed back up the hill as it was the hottest I have felt down there in a couple of years.
Did some watering and some writing.


– work in the garden and then put together the two garden beds I’d bought yesterday, during the heat of the day.
Once it cooled back down again – I placed them around two seperate trees and back filled with soil and compost, then added some flowers.

I’m really please with how they’ve worked out.


– the two older dogs went to the ‘salon’ today for a haircut and nails trimming.
Did some blogging while they were gone, and started the laundry.

We’re in water restrictions in our Shire at the moment – plus a total fire ban – so I spent a couple of hours handwatering the trees along the fenceline between us and our western neighbours.

That property has now sold, and with the arrival of the new neighbours a couple of months ago, the lush grounds that used to be the shining pride of the previous neighbours, are quickly getting overrun by weeds, and already a few of the trees have died.
It’s really sad to watch…

In our own interests, we have decided to at least provide water to some of their trees along our joint fence as well as ours, as it’s a designated wildlife corridor and as such we want to help preserve it; but we also want to preserve the summer shading and the green-belt privacy the area creates between the properties.


– quite a busy day.
Did early grocery shopping then when I got home I pulled apart the bus loo cover I was making and decided to go in a different direction with it as I just wasn’t happy with how it was working out.
I ended up using some stick-on vynal that I’ve had in the cupboard for ages, and covered it in that.

It took quite a few hours but looks great.
I’ll probably still make a ‘throw’ for the top of it out of pretty material for when it’s not in use, but I’m happy with today’s result.

Watered the paddock beds, and started to move our potted plants into the new small pools that I got to use as water holding trays as they’re drying out so bloody quickly using regular ones.


– mostly a lazy day of very little getting done.
Worked out how I’m going to build the small shelf that will hold the tap and ‘sink’ in the bus.

Think I might have seen the first close-to-the-house snake for the season.
We also had our first noisy storm this afternoon (thunder / lightening) and had a decent downpour out of it.
Only about 4ml, but absolutely better than nothing!

We even lost power for a little while, which was rather nice.
I (almost) always enjoy a power-out during the rain, as it makes for some really nice ‘enforced’ reading time.


– went to a friends place in the next town over that I haven’t seen for a few years and we spent an hour and a half catching up.
It was nice!
Came home and did the post weekend cleanup.
Had a wonderful storm again this evening.


– went in to town early and did the grocery shopping.
Came home and cooked chicken breasts, and started on the laundry.

Made some projellyo ready for our weekend away, and made the shelf for the tap to sit on in the bus.
I’ve stained and varnished it, but will leave it to dry overnight then install in the morning.

Collected my Formulite order from the post office, as well as some vacuum bags for food storage for the home and bus, and a little handheld vacc pump for the bags that we can leave in the bus.


– worked in the garden some, installed the shelf in the bus and did various prepping for our trip away in the bus this weekend.


– early morning drive into town to pick up my friend L as her car was going in for work.
We drove to one of the next towns over to do some shopping and waste some time.

We went to the 2nd hand shops, hardware, rivers and rounded it out by getting some groceries that aren’t available in our own town.

In the afternoon I did some mowing of the houseyard and part of the paddock, and after work, my Love and I went and did grocery shopping for our trip away.
It’s a bit of a tradition that – when we’re going away – we do it together when we can.


– spent all day getting myself and the bus ready to go away.
Did laundry and vacuuming in between.
Finished installing the tap in the bus including putting in the water tank.
Also installed a toothbrush etc cup.


– packed up the bus, sorted out the cats, bundled up the dogs and headed off early for the kennels to drop them off for the next couple of days.

We then doubled back – cos it’s actually a shorter trip to do so – and headed off down the coast to a caravan park we’ve never been to.

It took a couple of hours, and we stopped off at woolies to get some fresh bread on the way.
When we arrived, the staff were very nice and said we could pick any site we liked.
We ended up choosing one a couple of sites down from our original allocation, as it afforded a bit more shade during the heat of the day.

Mid-way through set up – as we were listening to the rumbles of thunder and wondering if we were going to get a storm – I heard a massive ‘crackle‘.
Looked up and one of the solar panels on the reception roof had sparked and started a fire which after the initial flash and flames, mostly smouldered.

In due course the firies were called and finallllllly arrived, but I’m glad it wasn’t a full blown fire or the place would have been ashes!!

We were both over-heating due to the humidity, but it was definitely doing a number on my Love, so we headed off to soak in the pool for the better part of an hour until her core finally cooled.

We ordered a pizza from the site cafe for dinner, and it wasn’t too bad.
Cheddar instead of mozzarella – but beggars can’t be choosers!!

Even with the heat – it’s been a good first day of ‘holidays’.


– we both slept quite well and after having breakfast, drove to MB to go to the markets.
It was very hot walking around, and we didn’t buy anything.

We were never big fans of MB when we used to camp aroun these parts 20+years ago, and from what little we saw this morning – we’re still unconvinced that’s its the hot-spot its touted to be…

Came back and had a swim to cool the core again, then had a hamburger and beer (for my love) at the site cafe.
We’re taking advantage while we can, as it’s closed from this evening until Wednesday – which is when we leave.

After lunch, my Love had a nap – and the bus was much cooler than outside, as I had turned on the new roof fan we got back from the MB drive, and it’s worked really well.

After nap-time – during which I read – we went for another swim and float to cool down some more.

Dinner was a home-made charcuterie board.


– woke up early but we managed to go back to sleep til around 8:40!!!
Almost unheard of!

Stinking hot when we got up and we were back in the pool before it had even hit 9:30am.

Drove into MB to have lunch at the pub, and I had some of the best sticky-date pudding I think I’ve ever had!
My love had her first proper (not crumbed) steak in months and enjoyed it for the most part.

Back to the caravan park and back into the pool.
Then some reading and scrolling and back into the pool once again.
Super hot and humid day but we made it through!

Cooked up some sausages for dinner to have on bread.


– much the same as yesterday.
Slept in a bit, got up and had a cuppa, swim, breakfast, swim, read, swim, to a different pub for lunch (another brilliant sticky date pud) a swim, a read, dinner and then a movie in bed.

Prior to dinner we packed up a lot of our stuff so we don’t have to do it in the heat of the morning.
Also turned the bed around to see what it’s like sleeping the other way.
Will see how we feel about it tmoro morning…


– i slept really poorly last night.
Not from turning the bed around, but from a discussion we had at the end of dinner which didn’t go so well, and i got really upset from it and felt horrible.

24hrs later and I’m still feeling pretty fragile..

We woke to overcast skies and whilst we were having our cuppa, rainy showers started rolling in.
We packed up in spurts in between showers, and by 8:30am had the bus all packed up, and were ready to start the drive back home.

It was a quiet drive, and we stopped off at a local dairy to have a coffee, and I had some of their yoghurt.
Very tart, edible but a little too ‘acid-y’ for me.

Once home we unpacked the bus and I started the laundry, tidied up inside, watered some plants, and we then headed back out to go and collect the dogs from kennels.

Filled the car up on the way as I have an early trip down the hill tomorrow for an appt with my dietician, and my friend L is coming too as she has a raft of appts as well.

Dogs home, dinner cooked, and we settled in to a quiet night of tv catch-up.

Got the houseyard mowed as I know I won’t get much time tomorrow for yard work, and I really want to make sure its done before the predicted cyclone rains come.


– an early start to head down the hill with my friend L.
Once we got down there I dropped her off at her first appt, and double backed to go to my Dietician appointment.

Dietician was encouraging as always, and made all the right noises – but in all honestly didn’t have anything much to contribute to what I am already doing.
I feel like these days she has become more of a ‘cheer-leader’ than a resource and whilst that’s incredibly useful for some, it feels a bit hollow for me…

I think that unless something goes haywire, that I probably won’t keep going back, as the costs have gone from $90 per visit to $125 per visit in under six months.


– another busy day today.

There is a cyclone off the east coast of Australia and at present it is tracking toward us and if it continues on its current path is heading right for us – so as we tend to do every year, it’s time to get into ‘cyclone prep’ mode.

It’s a bit earlier than usual this year, so we need to get a wriggle on and get stuff done.

I went into town this morning and got some top-up groceries, and did a pharmacy and rubbish run at the same time.

Once home and all the groceries were put away, I started on mowing the paddock.
At about half way through I had to go out again to get fuel as I’d forgotten to put the containers into the car when I went to town the first time.

Home again and time for a protein shake, then back out into the heat to get the mowing finished.

After I’d done that, I got the house yard cleaned up – I only have to sort out the plants on the table, and lie down the table and chairs in the protected walkway along the fence-line and I think it will all be mostly done.

Next up I went and put some of the loose garden bits into the shipping containers, and turned over and lay down the wheelbarrows and big garden cart, along the fence-line too.
Then cleaned up the majority of the cement area next to the container.

There is a limit to how much stuff I can move away from there, and I’m hoping that the area is pretty protected, even when the wind turns.

I also have created a pile that needs to go to the dump, which we’ll do tomorrow.

It might all be for nothing, but it’s better to be safe than sorry!


– ducked into town to get an anniversary pressie for my love as it’s on Monday.
10yrs since our new zealand wedding.

Replaced the pandoras she broke about a year ago, and added another charm to it.  Still need to wrap it properly though.

Spent all day doing cyclone prep, including getting up on the roof and blowing out the gutters. (eeep!)
Also did two dump runs worth of crap to the tip.
Cooked an all-day delicious curry 🙂


– a productive kitchen day with the defrosting of some foods I’ve been going to can.

First up was some blueberry and strawberry compote, then I got out all the ingredients for salsa, which will defrost over the next 24hrs and I’ll make and can the salsa tomorrow.
I also need to get a few extra onions to top up the recipe.

I then made some elderberry syrup which is good for immunity boosting, as well as reportedly being good for a whole lot of other ‘ails’.

Did some grocery shopping and also have an order to pick up in the morning.


– another busy day which started with picking up the grocery order, and then coming home to spend the rest of the day making and canning salsa / pasta sauce.


– laundry, cooking, cleaning and cyclone prep.


– Did some pruning of the lillipillis when we first got up as the wind and rain had bent them over and they were rubbing against the side of our lil house.

Other than the usual household chores, not a lot to be done other than a lot of sitting around, reading, scrolling, singing, chair dancing and just generally waiting for the wind, rain and cyclone to do its thing and pass on by.

We moved the bus back away from the house because if we get as much rain as is expected, it’s going to be weeks before we can move it, due to it being so heavy.
We’ve parked it out near the shipping container next to my Loves car.
We’ve already had over 70mls…


– cyclone Jasper crossed the coast yesterday evening and other than very gusty winds and ceaseless rain, we’ve been incredibly lucky!

The cyclone moved more northerly in the final few hours before crossing, which meant that we were spared a lot of the possible devastation that could have come if it had stayed on the original trajectory.

Our power is still on, our roof is on, and despite the fact that everywhere is very very wet having had well over 100mm, we’re safe and sound.
Can’t ask or hope for much more than that!

My Love has gone back into work today after having the day at home yesterday, with the office on official cyclone closure.

As I was sitting writing this morning, our middle dog Molly suddenly jumped up from where she had been sleeping being the couch, ran toward the door, fell over, fitted three times, and then lay very verrrrry still for a couple of minutes.

I rushed straight over – heart pounding (mine) – to sit next to her one the floor to give comfort and to look her over, and to watch and see if there was anything ‘obvious’ happening.

No ticks (that I can find), heart rate ok, she’s a bit vague, and it took her a few minutes after the fitting stopped before she chose to get herself up, and then another little while to reorient.

She then took herself back behind the couch where she likes to sleep because its cool there – but where she can still keep an eye on anything going on in the house, as well as having a birds-eye view of the doorway and can watch us all going in and out.

I’ll be keeping a closer eye than usual on her today…


– a very quiet mostly indoor day with the pelting rain continuing.


– more downpour.
We’ve had over 400mm in the last couple of days.
Most of the Farm is under water.

Had to go out to the work Xmas party this evening which we weren’t keen on leaving home for.
It was 10 pin bowling followed by dinner.

It didn’t turn out tooooo bad to be honest.

I’ve been wanting to go bowling for a while so this may be the poke I need to get me back into it!


– another day of more rain and not too much getting done.

Having said that though, we went and got a few groceries, did the laundry, and did some cleaning up and a bit of weeding in the rain in the vegie garden.
Just needed to be outside for a while.

The reports of devastation all over far north qld are just so freakin sad, and we’ve been so incredibly lucky here at the Farm.

The house next door I noticed this morning has a tarp on the roof, as does another house just around the corner.

All the ranges and highways to our area are closed with trees down and major land slides.

Due to me being very conscious of us always having ample supplies on hand, we have plenty of varied foods so we’ll be ok, and certainly have fared a lot better than so may others.

Feeling pretty damn lucky right about now…

My next post will be in the new year, so until then I hope you have a lovely Christmas if you celebrate it and I hope that the New Year brings all things wonderful for you and yours!


Making dandelion salve.

A trip away to the coast for a few days.

Making salsa with tomatoes, onion and capsicum.

One of the best sticky-date puddings I’ve had!

We live in a truely magnificent part of the World.

Gettin’ Hot!


Summer is racing toward us at a great rate, and the earth is starting to crack in places where there isn’t enough organic matter to help protect the soil from the elements.

Its getting dry – very dry, and its compounded by the hot winds which dry everything out even faster…

My mood seems to have been slowing improving over the last week, and I think that’s because I know we’ll be having a long weekend away starting next Saturday, and there is a plan in place for us to have a bit of a discussion about what each of us would like for the next 5-7 years…

Onward and upward!
Below is a brief rundown of what I’ve been up to in the last month.


– I’m even sick of myself by this point. Being a misery-guts isn’t fun…
Collected our grocery order and did some gardening.
Not much else.


– worked in the bus for most of the morning doing carpeting of the ceiling. Its a neck-hurting job.
Did laundry.
Cooked chook food and poached chicken breasts.


– spent a couple of hours removing excess comfrey from the big vegie garden beds.
year it runs a bit wild during the down season, but its so very good as a compost and mulch and adds so much nutrition to the gardens that I dont want to ever get rid of it totally.

Planted some tomatoes and capsicum.
Got some fresh bags of compost.
Washed and vacuumed the car.

Super hot day – even put the aircon on for a while!


– went to the next town over for a shopping trip with my friend L and had sushi for lunch. It didn’t sit well 🤢
Cooked dog food.


– my friend L came for coffee early as she’d left some stuff in my car yesterday.

Took recycles to the tip and then into town and bought a new bedspread and some blockout curtains.

Did some work in the bus.
Did laundry.


– finished carpeting the ceiling in the bus.

My wife finished work around lunchtime so after we’d had some sourdough toast, we got to work on the centre console we’re building for the bus.
It’s looking really good and I’m pleased with how it’s turned out.
Installed it and will take it for a test drive tomorrow.
Any excuse! :))


– took the bus for a drive to the next town over today and went to the hardware stores and got some nice plants and a couple of extra pots for the wall plantings.

Our neighbours son came over to play with the dog for a while, and the neighbour told us he’s selling.
Sadly we weren’t surprised… 😕


– had a visit from a friend G who is going overseas for a couple of weeks so dropped through for a cuppa as she leaves tomorrow.

Spent most of the rest of the day finishing the curtains that I started at the end of last week.
They’re hung now and are blackout curtains but I’m not quite sure how I feel about the look of them yet.
Maybe it because I am used to having colour on that window, and they’re grey – dunno.


– the curtains worked well this morning.
Minimal light coming in, and the dogs slept a bit later.
That’s a win in my book!

Did an early grocery order.

Did some weeding and planting in the big vegie garden while the laundry was on.

Collected the groceries order mid-afternoon and did the watering of the raised beds in the house-yard.


– took the bus for a drive to the next town over and went to the ‘Over 55s’ social group again.
Still not wildly keen on it if I’m being honest.
Different age group and social circle / ideals mostly I think…


– early trip to get groceries and pick up a book from the post office.
Did some cooking when I got home.
Charged the security camera.
Worked in the vegie garden in the afternoon.


– went early to the next town over to get some protein bars that were on special, and to get some plants I was looking at on the weekend.

On the way back I dropped into vinnies and got some pj pants and a couple of jars.

The Farm is drying out really quickly and some of the trees are starting to show signs of stress so I spent most of the afternoon doing spot water and some sprinklering.

We’ve had some serious fires close to where we live, and people we know have been affected or have had to evacuate and wait to be able to return to see if they still have a home.
It’s such a scarey thing…


– huuuuge day in the garden pulling out old plants including the spoils of the sweet potato bed, and topping up some of the beds in the house-yard with fresh compost ready for replanting and mulching.

My love actually only had one appt today, which I went to and waited outside as it was just a signing – so we combined it with a trip to bunnings to get compost.

While I was doing my garden work, my Love started checking on the irrigation system in the house-yard and along the driveway fence-line as it hasn’t been used for the last almost year due to having had so much rain; so it needs some tweaking where it’s leaking or has just deteriorated or got buried under plantings.


– we decided to take a drive to a coastal town we haven’t been to in many years, and even then when we did go there, we would always just be passing through on our way to somewhere else, so we thought we’d go on a bit of an adventure!

It took about an hour and 20mins to get there in our bus, and we hadn’t quite realized (even though we kinda of knew) just how much of the town revolves around also being on a river.

We drove around a bit to investigate what sort of businesses we could see, and then went down to the riverbank / esplanade to have lunch at one of the hotels.

I had a ‘topper’ of grilled chicken with some pepper sauce, and it was quite lovely, but I could only eat two small pieces.
We bought the rest home in the bus fridge.

We stopped off at Coles to get some chicken breasts before we headed back up the range to home.
Its lovely to be able to put cold stuff straight into the fridge in the bus, so we don’t have to worry about anything spoiling if we get sidetracked on the way.

It was a really nice way to spend the day, and a good change from our usual habits.

We’ll do it again for sure!


– big morning in the garden getting more of the house-yard gardens composted and mulched.
Cooked dog food.
Did houseyard watering of the wall and pots.


– a fairly quiet day spent mostly inside as I had to drop off both my dentures to the dental technician this morning to put in a new tooth as I’m having a tooth removed by the dentist tomorrow morning and I want the replacement in as soon as possible after having the tooth out.

It means that I am without a top denture from this morning until tomorrow morning after the extraction – which isn’t fun when you’re trying to eat something – so it’s a day and night of yoghurt and soup for me!

Not much different than usual, but I can’t eat anything like cheese and crackers or muesli bars – so of course I’m missing them, being that my diet is already so very limited.


– 24 hours of having no top denture is not something I want to repeat anytime soon!
Ugh – nevermind the dietary disturbances, it just felt horrible!!

I had the appointment for my extraction this morning at 830, and by 835 it was out, and that included the wait time for the anaesthetic to kick in.

It was soooo ridiculously wobbly that we figured he could probably use a pair of eyebrow tweezers to get it out 🤣🤣

Once home and the site had had some pressure on it for 10 minutes, I put my denture back in and was very relieved to see and feel it back in place.

I do wish that I had had the forethought to get two teeth added to the denture and two taken out today – instead of just the one; but hindsight is always twenty / twenty as the saying goes!!

I spent most of the rest of the day out in the big veggie garden refreshing two of the beds and planting out a few batches of seedlings.

We went out to dinner with our young friend, and it was nice to catch up properly in person, for the first time in while.

Almost zero tooth pain, and my denture feels and looks wonderful!


– My friend L had to put her car in for a service today, so I met her at 9 at the dealership so that I could entertain her and drive her around while it was being done.

We had a snack at a cafe neither of us had been to before, then went for a look around the local camping shop, cheapie shops, hardware store and grocery store, then for some sushi for lunch.
I could only eat ⅓ of a roll, but thankfully L ate the rest so it wasn’t wasted.

The weather has started to heat up, and at least a couple of days a week we’ve had to aircon on in the middle of the day.

Thankfully though, with the loss of weight has come a much better tolerance for the heat, so when I do finally put the aircon on these day I run it at 25° which the old me would have been horrified by!
Past me would have had it on 22° at the absolute highest. 😐


– our eldest dog has his turn at the vet today.
He’s 16 now, and had to have some teeth out.
He has a heart murmur, heart disease, he’s going blind, his hearing is dodgy, and his dementia is advancing to the point that he often forgets what he’s doing or where he is.

He does however zoom around like a two year old and has an amazing love of life and is a chirpy little character – so while he’s still enjoying his life, we’ll help support him with that.

I spent most of the day in the garden, cleaning old plants out of one of the big vegie garden beds as well as some overgrown comfrey, and refreshing it with compost and mulch.

There is still a good amount of food in the bed (tomatoes, rumex, chard, rosemary), but now there is room for more!


– another good day in the garden getting cleaning out and pruning done.
Did the laundry.


– a morning in the garden together, then a lazy afternoon.
Did some grocery shopping.


– went to the next town over to fill the bus with fuel as it’s 14c cheaper over there, and it isn’t far so is worth the drive, and isn’t a false economy.
Did laundry and some garden work in the afternoon.


– took my friend L for a drive in the bus to the next town over to see if I could find what I have in mind for my Loves birthday present – which (yaaaay) I did!!

When I got home I ended up ordering online the extra lithium battery I’ve been thinking about for ages for the bus.
had planned to buy it when I was at the next town over, but even though they had it in stock, the customer service was quite poor with the lack of knowledge about it, and to top it off, I could get it from the same company online for $150 cheaper!! Got it at a really good price as well 🙂

Quiet afternoon.


– garden guy came this morning and whipper-snipped.
Went to town to collect some plants that the nursery lady had saved for me.
L came for a cuppa.
Still no rain so watering the house-yard to try keep a bit of green space for the animals.


– planted some squash in the big vegie garden before the day got too hot, then went inside to cook some animal food, and some lemon chicken for an early dinner for us for tonight, as we are going to the next town over to watch a film – something we never do!

I’ve already seen the film online at a permaculture film night, but it seemed like a good ‘community’ idea at the time I booked the tickets.

Not so much no that were going to have to drive there and back and won’t get home til late…
Hopefully it won’t be a shit experience!


– the movie last night was good, but I was a little ticked that I didn’t know Jade Miles was going to be there as MC – or I would have asked her to sign my book… (iykyk!)
Was definitely fan-girling a big bit! 😍

Had a busy day.
Fertilised plants, mowed the driveway, did laundry, poisoned around the new garden beds, watered the big vegie garden and parts of the house-yard.

Wrapped my Loves prezzies as it’s her birthday tomorrow

Decluttered some inside throughout the afternoon.
Started work on the cover I’m trying to make for the bus loo; and the new extra lithium battery and box for the bus arrived by courier.


– my Loves birthday today.
She worked but was home by lunchtime.

We watched a lil tele in the heat of the day, then once it cooled a bit we did watering and some pruning.


– cooked chook food and dog food.
Grocery shopped.
Did some watering

My love put together the windmills that I got her for her birthday.
I’m really pleased they turned out so well, and it seems she is too.

I had a pretty lazy day!!

Fresh home-grown peas and tomatoes


Home-made waffles, which get popped into the toaster for breakfast.


A beautiful rose given to me for my birthday.


Two double-yokers from our girls this week!


Cleaning out and topping up being done in the big vegie garden.


Advice to live by  😉

Mighty Monsoon



It been quite the summer – let me just say – and I’m not sorry that Autumn is working its way slowly into the pores of my skin.

It’s at this time of the year that you can see and feel the shift of the sun as it peeks through the trees in the early mornings.

It no longer comes blaring in the bathroom window and immediately heats up the house, but instead creeps in at an angle through the trees, and slowly makes its way around to the kitchen window by about 9am, giving an ethereal feel to the morning with its golden light.

We have had three months of mammoth monsoonal rains – around 1400mm / 50 inches – which has turned our little piece of paradise into an absolute quagmire for most of that time.

The garden has been neglected because it has been so wet, but also because I needed to have major surgery in early February, which not only required some weeks of pre-op preparation, but has then also needed some significant recovery time.

I am not quite six weeks post-op, and am still having difficulty with the nutrition and hydration side of things.
For the most part I think I am finally out the other side as far as the pain is concerned, but I am still finding that whilst I have found that I have amazing boosts of unusual energy, I also tend to suddenly hit a wall and can tire unexpectedly.

Due to my having to step back from the garden – and the Farm in general – we recently decided to hire a garden-helper, and within only about a half hour of putting an ad up online, the wife of the person it turns out that I needed, found the ad and contacted me.

Within a few days he came over for a look around and to meet & greet, and the following Tuesday he worked his first day.
He’s been three or four times now, and it seems to be working really well for all of us.

I know that it has certainly removed a very big ball of stress from my shoulders, as I was becoming quite overwhelmed with the amount of work that was steadily piling up with each successive week of me not being out there doing the things.

My Love is also been encouragingly supportive of having him help around the Farm.
I guess she too can already see the huge amount of help he has been is whipping the place back into some semblance of tidiness and productivity.

Sure makes it easier to take the time I need to recover – in mind, body and spirit…


Rain, rain and more rain means we temporarily have wooden walkways everywhere.

Allll the Chillies – they’re hot, hot, HOT!

Trees waiting to be planted out.

Ice-cream beans ripening on the tree.



mega update



So here I am – officially over 3 months unemployed!!

Its time for a bit more of an in-depth run-down of what Life has been like for me for the last three months – so I’m going to break it down into sections to help me arrange my thoughts a little better…
You better grab a cuppa Continue reading “mega update”

huuuge changes



Its six weeks since I last posted.

Six weeks since the event that changed my dear friends Life forever – in ways that I can barely begin to imagine.
Its also 6 weeks in which my Life has changed – because of the hideous heartbreak my friend has had to endure…

Only an hour into my first day back at work Continue reading “huuuge changes”



Again – it feels like the Universe is throwing me yet another lesson – because no matter how many it has thrown me in the last couple of years – I keep pushing the lessons to the side – and blindly bumbling on – seemingly oblivious to what is trying to be taught to me.

I hope this season that I am in right now – isn’t yet another lesson I will push to the side and ignore – for I know what the lesson is, and I know what is required of me to move toward that which I need to be doing – but still I hold off – perhaps paralysed Continue reading “lessons”

negative headspace



I feel so at odds of late.

In the quiet times when I am by myself, and I am able to spend time being introspective – I can see that I am in a season of a very negative headspace – and have been unable to shift it…

I teeter between feelings of anger, disappointment, hurt, overwhelm, being used, sadness, irritation, being taken for granted, feeling unappreciated, cranky and just plain ole miserable!

The only times I don’t have tears welling in my eyes, Continue reading “negative headspace”

1st session


Well the poor counsellor probably needed a bex and a lie-down after she had finished her first hour with me the other day!

It was pretty much like shaking up a coke bottle then flipping off the lid.
A whole damn lot of built-up stuff just came spewing forth filling up every spare space in the room.

The counsellor was a lovely lady and despite me having a panic attack on the way to the appointment – as I wasn’t sure I was in the right building or even in the right waiting room and I was almost late, which always riles me up no end – but once I was settled in on the little couch in her office, I quickly felt comfortable with her, and didn’t feel wary, judged or too vulnerable to be able to feel like I couldn’t speak freely.

All good signs.

Session #1 was pretty much a brief overview of birth to now, and as she said, she could see why I was feeling a little overwhelmed right now – and I think was a little surprised that I hadn’t got to the point of overwhelm long before now!

It was sort of funny watching her try and work out our family dynamics, and even funnier knowing that thus far, she only has the dynamics of my birth family, and my marriage and kids – we haven’t managed to get into any of the nitty gritty yet – like how my best friend is actually My Loves ex-husband! lol

That conversation should be extra entertaining :)))

Following the appointment I had to go back to work, which I had been unsure about prior to the appointment whether I was going to be able to do or not; as I figured that it was going to be an emotionally draining event, and I unsure of how I would feel after it.

Although I was incredibly drained, I felt mentally ok enough with going back to work, so I did – which ended up being fine, as I was incredibly busy for the rest of the day and therefore didn’t have time to dwell or think too much on what my morning had been like…

Needless to say probably, but I was emotionally exhausted by evening, but still managed to get more done when I got home from work than I had managed in the last couple of weeks.

I decided to take the next day off work, as not only was I still processing, but I had to fly out the day after as I was flying to Brisbane, hiring a car and then driving 2hrs north to meet up with family who didn’t know I was coming – and I wanted to get everything sorted at the Farm for while I was away, do some grocery shopping so that my Love didn’t starve to death, and get my bag packed.

I had only planned for carryon baggage, which limits me to 7kg, and with my laptop and charger already coming in at 2kg, that doesn’t leave a whole lot of wiggle room for everything else that needed including!

The amazing thing was though – that the day following my first session, I actually felt the best that I have felt since before I went to New Zealand.

So here I am now at my brother and sister-in-laws place, with a pile of family members; and we have spent the day firstly with my sister and I going and seeing my mothers husband at the aged care home – which was supremely taxing – and then she and I going to their house where we met up with the brothers, and dealing with the cleaning and just generally airing the place out ready for the real estate agent to come through and meet with us on Monday about listing the house for sale.

Its been a really tiring day and the introvert in me is squirming rather a big bit at having all these people around me 24/7 – and of course being away from my Love and being in a strange bed I am not sleeping terribly well – but it is nice to be surrounded by cuddly rellies that I don’t get to see very often – but I’ll still be super-glad to be back with my darling!

Oh – and the next appointment with my counsellor is the day after I get back – so that probably going to end up being perfect timing…

i broke



I broke.
Plain and simple – i broke…
This past fortnight – my mind just couldn’t keep itself together anymore, and i broke…

I went to the Doctor back before we went to New Zealand, just for a general annual checkup; and when we were finishing up, I told him that there was something that I had forgotten, but I didn’t know what it was – so as I was paying my bill and leaving, I made another appointment (cos this guy is super hard to get into!) and that appointment date finally rolled around, and was yesterday.

It would have been great if it was a week or two earlier – but I’m sure glad I made it – even if I’ve had to wait almost 2 months to attend it.

The thing that I had forgotten at the first appointment, was the worsening connective tissue pain that I have been experiencing for about a year.
I am now at the point where raising my left arm above level, causes a huge amount of pain, and a range of other areas (elbow, wrists, back, hips) are all suffering various degrees of the same issue.

However, in the last few weeks, ‘Life’ has been getting on top of me more and more, and as mentioned in another post I wrote about the blur – where I explained that I could feel myself slowly spiralling into panic – last week that panic hit full-blast – and I ended up not being able to even manage to go to work last Thursday, and I spent a big part of the day alternately sobbing my heart out; and wading around the Farm feeling thoroughly hopeless and helpless with no idea what to do…

There have been a couple of red-flag moments in the last couple of weeks, and whilst this last week has been a big improvement on the previous two, I know that I can’t work through this one on my own.

Its been a hard realization – and it was even harder to tell our Dr/friend – who is so used to me being buoyant and bolshy, that I was drowning.

I didn’t particularly want to – but as I sat there with him, working out what plan of action we were going to take next to investigate what was going on with my body – I knew that I needed to ask him for help with sorting out my mind too…

So here we are at the start of a new week – and today I’m not doing so flash.

It took me until about lunchtime to do the dishes – something that I usually do as soon as breakfast is done.

I can’t settle my thoughts onto anything, and I keep realising I’ve started doing 10 things and forgotten each of them part way through, and only noticed that I hadn’t finished them, when I found them not completed!

I also have a raging headache – even though I’ve taken two lots of paracetamol.

My brain just feels super foggy.

Late tomorrow (Tuesday) I go back to see the doctor, as he wants to do some more anxiety/depression testing on me and check on the reults from the bloods I had drawn last week, before I go to see the psychologist on Wednesday morning – which it seems I was lucky to get into so quickly, after being told by the Dr it would probably take a couple of weeks…

I also have work tomorrow, Wednesday and Thursday – and right at this minute, I’m not sure how I’m going to manage with that – particularly as I am going to have to leave work to attend my psych appointment – and then (in theory) go back to work after it, as its a mid-morning appointment.

I’m also anxious about the trip away that I need to make at the end of this week.
I’ll be away for five days.

I need to go help my sister sort out and pack up the home that my mother and her husband lived in, until they went into the aged care home – and its something that I very much feel that I need to go help her do – and it will be great to see two of my brothers at the same time – but I’m not one of those people who enjoy being away from home, and don’t feel very competent at this solo-travel business – even though in my head I know that I’m perfectly capable of it, and did it very successfully loads of times, in my youth!!

Part of me feels like if I can make it through this week, I’ll make it through whatever is coming at me next – but all I can do for now, is to keep reminding myself to breathe, to concentrate on what I can do, and to let go of any expectation of what this week should ‘look like’.

Its an unknown, and I have to be ok with that, and try roll with it…

this week



One of the things that give me ‘anticipatory’ anxiety, is Mondays – the day before I have to go back to my paid job.

Whilst I am winding it down, and getting it to a place where I can hand it off to someone else; I need to stay in my current role for the time being – until we have a few more ‘ducks in a row’. Continue reading “this week”

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