Long-winded Update!

Its coming up for close to a month now since I last updated, and it been a season of busy – so I’ve just been trying to make a few notes at the end of each day to remind me of what’s being going on – so that’s basically what you’ll be getting here… including some filling in of any details that I think might be relevant.

Monday

– In to town to collect parcels from the post office, then back home to do some writing whilst the laundry got done.
The sun came out for a while this morning and gladdened my heart a LOT!
It’s still quite cold and windy though.

We’ve booked our flights to go back down south for my (step)Dads funeral Service.
He died back at the start of July.

My Love will be coming with me this time, and we’ll be taking a couple of days extra to go do something nice for ourselves.

We fly out next Thursday morning, and will be putting our dogs into the kennels that we have been using for almost two decades, and our cats will be looked after at our home by our GardenGuy and his Wife.

Tuesday

– had to go into town again this morning as my Darling forgot to tell me yesterday that we would need more chicken for the animals, so I went in to get that and to pick up a carton of Formulite and another parcel that was waiting at the post office.

Spent some time packing to go away for the night tomorrow as I’ll be leaving early and won’t have time to pack in the morning before I leave.

I am taking our van down to get the maxxfan installed.
It’s such a fiasco when you need to pack all the protein powders, shakers, cups etc and it takes up so much room, so I end up packing a bag twice as big as I really wanted to!

I also need to be mindful that I will be walking from the car drop-off place to the motel, so the weight that I’ll be carrying needs to be considered.

Wednesday

– early trip down the hill to the city to put the bus in to have the fan installed.
The wiring won’t get done today as e isn’t an auto-exec, so I’ll have to book that in another day with our auto-elect back at home.
Got stuck in the morning traffic jam, but made it with only being about 15mins late, and I called them in the way to let them know.

The receptionist was kind enough to drop me to the motel that we’d booked for my overnighter.
Originally they couldn’t find my booking, but then finally found it under “car-lady“.
The room understandably wasn’t ready, and so I waited in the reception area for around an hour, before I could get in – but that was ok.

I unpacked and made it ‘homely’, went to the loo and then headed off for a walk up the street to the huge DFO mall.
Thankfully the room has a microwave, so I could buy something for dinner and be able to heat it up!

I started to have a bit of a walk around, and did my usual handbag / backpack ogling at the luggage shops, but wasn’t really feeling much of a ‘shopping vibe’ (tbh, I’m bloody lousy at shopping without a purpose – its definitely not my idea of a fun time!) so I just went to the grocery store and collected some bits and pieces for me to have for lunch and dinner, got out some cash for the Car Guy, and then headed back to the motel.

A snack and a drink, a bit of a sit and some scrolling, then into the shower.
It was heavenly!

Thursday

– I messaged the car place early and they said that they would pick me up at 8:45am as my car was finished – which was great and super helpful.

Drove back up the hill to home, stopping off at the auto electricians on the way, and he’s happy to do the electrics for it once we get back from down south.

Once home, I did dishes, unpacked, sorted out something for dinner, then mowed and whipper-snipped the house yard and cleaned up the aisle-ways in the big vege garden.

Friday

– cooked dog food early as I was going out for lunch with my friend Louise.
We ended up going to one of the cafes in town, and I got a ham and cheese toastie, but the cheese ended up being cream cheese(!!) – not ideal on a toasty as far as I’m concerned!
We then went to do some shopping for Louise and then she dropped me home.

She re-pierced my ears for me before she left wth some new earrings I had bought especially for the job; which was good and saved me the cost of having to go to one of the local piercing places.

Spent the afternoon, tidying up and doing some chores around the house and repotting an indoor plant, while listening to podcasts.

Saturday

– the power was off from about 830am until around 1pm, so for a while I just sat out in the much-missed sun and read and soaked it alllll in!

After that I pulled everything out of our crockery storage shelves and wiped it all down, removed some stuff, and sorted through what was left and replaced it back on the shelving.

I also cooked some excess eggs for the cats and dogs, and some chicken for them as well.

We go away again next week – back down south for the funeral service – so it will be time to think about packing again soon.

Sunday

– an early start to drive down the hill as our youngest son – whom we haven’t seen for around two years – was flying in and had a two hour layover, so we were going to spend some time with him at the airport.
It was soooo good to see him and hug him, and we all shed a few tears as we put him back in his next plane.

We didn’t get back home til around 3, so took the dogs out, then had a shower and relaxed for a bit before sorting out dinner.

Monday

– busy day.
Grocery shopped, put the mattress back into the bus and made the bed, changed the sheets in our daily bed, and washed the dogs blankets.

Talked to my sister about the details of Friday’s funeral for my (step)Dad, and the ashes scatterings of he and my Mother.

Tuesday

– Our Garden Guy came today and we did a big clean out of the shipping container, and thankfully he took most of the stuff we didn’t want home to his place – as it was still good stuff – just not stuff we required or wanted any more.

He and his wife came back later in the afternoon, so that we could go through what we needed them to do with the cats while we’re away at the funeral.

We went out to dinner at the International Club with our young friend C for dinner, and had some lovely fish.

Wednesday

– we woke up to torrential rain again this morning and some really wild winds, so we’ve decided that we will go down to the city early – and stay overnight prior to our flight – as we don’t want to risk there being a crash on the range due to the weather and us missing our early morning flight.

So I spent most of the day getting the last of the laundry done, house cleaned, car vacuumed, the cats organised, bags packed, and dietary requirements sorted; and once my Love had come home from work, we packed the car up with our suitcases and dogs, and headed off to the kennels.

Once we’d dropped the dogs off, we headed down the hill to the city.
We’re staying at the same place that I stayed at last week when I came down, as I was very happy with the rooms and service.

We got some takeaway from the nearby Thai restaurant for dinner: fish-cakes, spring rolls and some satay chicken.
Underwhelming.

Thursday

– a spectacularly craptastic night of sleep and I was glad when the alarm finally went off just after 5, and more than happy to get up!

After a cuppa and a repack of our bags, we headed off to drop our car at the parking place, and they then dropped us at the airport.

Once we’d bag-checked and gone through security we had breakfast.

Once we’d landed at the other end, we were collected by the rental car company and taken to their offsite dispatch yard, where we then had to wait and hour to get our car – which was bloody annoying(!) – but we finally got is and headed north to my brother and sister-in-laws place, stopping on the way to buy some groceries.

It was around 4 when we arrived.
We unpacked the car, took the groceries upstairs, and made a cuppa.
It wasn’t too long before my other brother arrived, whom we haven’t seen for a couple of years.
Actually – probably close to five!

I cooked ‘Swamp Food’ for dinner as requested – it seems to be a big hit – and after dinner my other brother headed off to his motel, and we headed off to bed.

Friday

– best sleep I’ve had in a week or so.
Funeral day.
Not too many attendees, but the ones who were there it was good to see.
Kindly, Dads doctor friend came for the service, which was appreciated by all.
The service was performed by Dads Baptist Minister friend, who is also the same Rev who did my Mothers service 5 years ago,
It was very lovely and tears were shed a number of times.

After the service and nibbles, a few of us headed off to the Noosa Heads lookout to sprinkles the ashes of both the Parentals, to reunite them together one final time for eternity.
Hopefully a nice rain fell that night, and washed the ashes off the hillside into the ocean…

A quiet night back at my brother and sister-in-law’s place.
We’ll head off in the morning.

Saturday

– woke up to a gorgeous morning with mist spilling into the valley – so picturesque it almost made me weep!
Lots of photos taken.

We left my brother and sister-in-law’s place around 9am and headed off on our drive south to the Gold Coast, arriving about 1:30pm at our motel where we will stay for the next couple of days.

Had a quiet afternoon in our room, catching up on some work and such.
Ordered a pizza to be delivered for dinner.
It arrived an hour late.
We were not pleased about that – when we’d ordered it two hours before we actually wanted it…! 😡

Sunday

– we weren’t sure whether to go to SeaWorld today or tomorrow – but eventually decided to wait until tomorrow, hoping that it will be less busy being that it’s not a weekend.

We went and had a look around Pacific Fair, and then went to Carara Markets.

We got a few things at Typo and Kiki-K, and a pair of pants and a bra for my Love, but nothing else sparked our interest too much.
We’re just not the type of ppl who shop for the sake of shopping / entertainment.

Walked to the surf club for dinner.

Monday

– spent the day at SeaWorld which we both enjoyed, but it wasn’t quite as good as our memory has us believe it was.
A lot of the shows seemed much shorted and less ‘elaborate’.

We dropped the rental car back off to the car company as we leave tomorrow and will just walk or catch a cab to the airport in the morning.

Dinner was Noodle Box from Uber Eats.
Home tomorrow – early flight.

Tuesday

– early rise at 3:45am, a cuppa and then off to the airport in a cab.
Flight was pretty much on time, and once we’d collected our bags we got the bus to the car-park place to collect our car.

After a couple of stops we headed back up the hill to home, stopping at the supermarket on the way to grab some milk and dog food.

We picked up the dogs from the kennels later in the afternoon, as well as getting the bags unpacked, and my Love went and checked in at work.

An easy dinner and we both pulled up pretty well considering we’d been awake since so early.

Wednesday

– another early start as I took a friend down to the city as she was booked in to get an epidural for her back pain issues, and it’s best that she has a driver to come home, as it’s about an 80 minute drive.

Didn’t get home until mid-afternoon, so not much got done around the house today. Managed to get some laundry done at least…

Thursday

– spent a day at home doing laundry and general housework that hasn’t got done in the last few days with us being away etc.

It’s been wildly cold and windy today – and of course the rain is still ongoing – which is a lil beyond the pale by this point…
The ground is back to being so incredibly sodden, and parts of it are even growing a type of slime.

It’s definitely been a day of wearing knee-high mud boots with thick socks to be able to walk around the Farm in comfort.

Friday

– another day of cold wind and incessant rain.
Once again it’s getting me down but I’m trying to push through.

Woke up this morning with a sore throat this morning.
Yesterday evening I felt a little tickle in my right gland and thought that maybe I was starting to get something and sure enough – I have – woke up in the early hours of the morning with my throat like gravel!

Into town around 830am and went to see if bigw had any pants in my ‘new’ current size, but there weren’t any.
I then collected my grocery order that I had booked yesterday afternoon, and went to the nursery and got some vegie seedling in the hope that maybe we’ll get some sunshine soon and can finally get back out into the garden and put some plants in the ground!

It’s been too wet to be able to put seeds in, so I’ve given in and bought some starts.
I also made some dog food.

Finally remembered (after breakfast!) to weigh in and I’m now under 75kg, with a loss of a whisker under 27kg.

Saturday

– My nose is running like a tap, but thankfully my throat isn’t nearly as sore as it was yesterday. I’m very blocked up though, and it was a very broken sleep last night because of the difficulty breathing.

We actually got a few hours of sunshine through the morning, but the wind was still bitterly cold and gusting.
I sat out in the sun with the cats and dogs for a while and just basked in the warming rays.
It truely was delicious!

By mid afternoon the clouds had come over and it was trying to rain again.

We ducked in to town to collect some tissues and lozenges, then we rugged up and watched a few YouTube videos we’d missed seeing while we were away.

Sunday

– went out for breakfast and it was an absolute shit show!
We usually try and share a breakfast these days, but considering that they forgot the bacon – there was barely any breakfast to share, so I just waited till I got home and had a shake.

The rain was in in the afternoon so we watch telly, played a few games, read some, did a bit of work on the computer – just generally bludged around.

Monday

– it’s hard to believe that it was only a week ago that we are at Seaworld!!

The rain is still here, as is the cold and wind, but we’ve had some intermittent blasts of sunshine today which has been very welcome.

Last night I manage to crick my lower back – just as we were going to bed – when I was trying to get the cat to stay off the bed and leave us alone.

When I woke up this morning it was not good, so breakfast consisted of Panadol with my soup.

Managed to do the laundry and a deep clean vacuum, then did some research on small houses, building designs, and any builders in the area that google inferred may do small-house building.

Tuesday

– it’s been a few weeks since the bus was last driven due to us being away and just life getting in the way, and I usually like to try take it for a run at least twice a week.

So this morning I headed off to one of the nearby towns to blow any cobwebs out of the bus, and to have a general change of scenery for me.

I messaged a friend who lives there to see if she wanted to catch up in town for a cuppa, but she called me to explain that she couldn’t that day, as she already had another appointment that she had to go to; but we spent about 30mins yacking on the phone and catching up, so that was nice.

After the call was finished, I went for a wander through one of my favourite hippy shops, then went to a nearby cafe and had a ¼ of a lemon tart.
I took the rest home for my love to have for her afternoon tea.

Made some dog food in the afternoon, and cooked up some chilli beef to go with our garlic smash, and put the first coat of varnish on the new Ganesha artwork I got today, so that I can hang it outside.

Wednesday

– another day of the weather not playing nice.

This morning I finally put together a set of shelves that I bought the other day.
I keep forgetting to do it until it’s too late in the day, but I got it done today and put in to place in the shipping container.
There’s still some more tidying up and rearranging to do in there, but I’m glad that I’ve at least manage to make a start, and its already looking a lot better.

My friend Lou came for a visit today which was unexpected so that was nice – and she bought her four dogs – so they got to come and play with our dogs while we had a cuppa and a catch up.
I’ll be going up to her place next week sometime as she has some stuff she wants me to go pick up as she’s having a bit of a declutter.

I booked the bus in for the auto-electrician on Monday morning so that they can do the wiring for the roof top fan.
That’s a bit exciting!

Mid afternoon, I went into town to get some groceries and got some chicken breasts, which I cooked up for the dogs and cats.

I’ve been making a point each week of trying a different supermarket drink to try and work out what I can and can’t drink, for when the eventuality arises that I get caught short without a drink – when in town – so I’ll know what I can grab.

Trying to find something low sugar but with decent protein is blooody difficult!
(feel free to drop a recommendation if you know of any)
It was soooo much easier when I could just drink water!!!!
Hopefully that day will come again…

Thursday

– we had no internet all day which was super annoying and meant I couldn’t get a load of work done that I’d planned on.

Mowed the houseyard and got about ¼ of the paddock mowed.
The sun even came out for a couple of hours which made for a VERY happy me!

Went out for dinner and I had a bit of my Wifes grilled fish, but ended up having numerous vomits afterwards – side effect of the hiatus hernia.

Friday

– we expected ‘clearing showers’ today, but instead got shitful freezing rain.

Our garden guy came over for a cuppa and a catch-up which was nice.
Did laundry.
Got a few weeds pulled in between the squalls, but not many.
Quiet day for the most part.

Saturday

– some sunshine in the morning which was so well received by humans and animals, but unfortunately it didn’t last too very long and by afternoon the rain and cold came back in.

In the afternoon we put YouTube on the big tele as one of our sons was in the Nationals Weightlifting Competition, which we watched well into the night.

He did himself (and us!) so very very proud – and we’re rapt for him.
He ended up taking out 11 National Records, and 2 World Records.

Sunday

– sun again this morning.
Glory beeeeee – soooo happy.
Did a ton of weeding and pruning in the vegetable garden and in the houseyard.

Harvested two cabbages (one was 3490 grams) and around 20kg of yačon.
I’ll share some of each with our GardenGuy family, and may sell some of the yačon tubers.

=====

I think that that’s way more than enough for this little update, so I’ll stop here…

I guess the takeaway from it in [TLDR] dot point would be:
– we travelled south and had the funeral service
– we did the ashes sprinkling for TnT (the Parentals)
– we went to Seaword
– its been incessantly raining for the majority of the last 2 months
– we’ve had some really cold and windy patches mixed in with the rain
– any sun we’ve seen has been muchly revered
– I got a cold, but am coming through the other side of it now

Taking in some much-needed – but not much seen – SUNSHINE!

 

My motel room when I was away overnight getting some work done on the bus.

 

Funeral flowers – beautiful and simple.

 

The Headlands where the ashes of the Parentals have been spread.

 

Speedy gorgeous little penguins at SeaWorld.

 

Watching the turtles at SeaWorld was so incredibly relaxing.

Hello July!

o0o

Monday

– I flew to the Gold Coast yesterday, then drove all the way to Gympie and did some grocery shopping, then drove another 35mins or so to get to my Brother and Sister-in-Laws Farm.

I have come down because my StepDad is palliating.
I slept poorly overnight, a combination of a strange bed, different night-time noises, and the knowledge that the coming days are going to be incredibly emotionally draining.

I need to put my ‘big girl pants on’!!

I went into town to the Aged Care Home right after I got up and had some soup for breakfast, and spent around 6hrs by the bedside of my StepDad, then headed back to my Brothers place.

In the afternoon I did some writing, washed dishes, and then just spent time with my brother and his wife in the evening.

Tuesday

– another night of not a lot of sleep…
Back in to the Home early for another 11 hours bedside, reading to, talking to, and playing music for Dad.
He is declining quickly and I’m pretty sure that tonight will be the night…

I know he won’t ‘go’ until he’s by himself – so I came back to my brothers just after dark.
It was a slow drive in the dark and rain and took almost an hour.

I showered and had something to eat and changed my clothes ready to go back in once I’d had a rest, but it wasn’t long before the call came that he had died.

I will wait now – and instead go back in the morning – as I will need to clean out his room, as we’ve already had in place arrangements for his body to be collected by the funeral home.

Rest in Peace AP, may you be back in the arms of the woman you have always loved so very much – my Mamma… 🤍🕊️

Wednesday

– went in to Big W early and got some tubs to put Dads stuff in, and also got a dozen large cups of donut-holes for the Staff at the Home; then went to the Home and spent the next couple of hours packing up what is left of all his ‘worldly goods’ from the last five years since he and my Mother went into care.
(My mother died very soon after.)

I then dropped my Mothers ashes (she was cremated 5 yrs ago) and a photo of she and he off to the funeral home, ready for the Service which will be in about three weeks time.

Once back at my brother and sister in laws place, we unpacked my car and then went for a drive around their farm to move some cows and check on fence-lines.
It was good to get out in the fresh air for a bit, and not have to think too much…

Later in the afternoon I went through a lot of photos and cards to give to my sister when she next comes down, when we have the funeral service.

Thursday

– In to town early to do some grocery shopping so that I can cook my brother and sister-in-law dinner tonight.
Its the least I can do as I have been pretty much using their home as a motel for the past few days.

I noticed on the way to town that I am breathing easier and deeper this morning.
The stress of the week is obviously lessening slowly…

I leave early tomorrow morning – around 4:30am – to drive to Brisbane Airport to fly out at 9:50am.

I’m panicking about getting there in time, returning the car, checking in my luggage, not being late for the plane etc
Ugh!

I’m eager to get back to my own bed though, and hopefully settle into some decent sleep.

Friday

It was a very long day travelling…
I woke at 2:30am and couldn’t go back to sleep with the nerves of getting lost, being late or any other of the numerous catastrophes that I was imagining!

I oc course made it with heaps of time, but I was so anxious by it all, that I ended up bursting into tears when I handed by the keys to my hire-car.
The poor guy was very sweet at coping with my tears…

Once through security, I went to sit at a cafe to pass the time, and ended up sitting right next to my Surgeon!
We chatted for a while, then both moved on.

The flight ended up changing gates twice, and due to an issue with our intended plane, we ended up on another plane, and left 90mins late.

To add insult to injury, the flight-staff didn’t end up serving me my preordered food, and I was still a little too fragile-feeling to make a fuss about it, and wasn’t thoroughly convinced I’d actually remembered to order it – so went without.

My Love picked me up from the airport, and it was wonderful to see her, and to get back home to my wonderful pooch, who was so insanely and cutely surprised to see me!

Saturday

– I  slept like a proverbial log last night and I needed it badly!
I was at about breaking point with exhaustion…
Spent the day doing the usual: Grocery shopped, post office, Big W, laundry, and also put in for a refund with Jetstar, and a complaint that Staff didn’t at any point actually come and see me at all!

Sunday

– We went to Harvey Norman and had a look at toasters but they all so stupidly priced!
Ended up going to BigW and buying a long sunbeam one from there that didn’t break the bank.

The power has been off since around 9am, so a lot of the usual jobs can’t be done while it’s off, and due to the fact that we stream all of our viewing content, we also can’t watch tele or even watch (much) stuff on the laptop – although it’s well charged.

We do have some movies on usb so there is that option if we really feel the need. For now though, writing and reading is sufficient.

If the bloody rain and wind would stop we could do some gardening too, but it’s too wet and cold to be out in it at the moment.

Monday

– Had quite a big day with fuelling up the car, going grocery shopping, collecting a weeks worth of mail and parcels, going to Bunnings to get some potted colour to put along the new fence, and then coming home and cooking chook food and chicken breasts.
Then did dishes, cleaned up the house and just general other duties as well as the laundry and folding.

Well be having Frittata tonight and we have loads of eggs as the chickens are back on the lay.
Will probably cook the cats and dogs some scramblers tomorrow too, to add to their evening meals to top up their protein a bit, as they luuuurve having eggs occasionally!

Tuesday

– It’s a public holiday for Show Day.
Its been raining all day so we won’t be going.
Pretty much a wasted day of getting hot much done at all…

Wednesday

– Got the entire pantry decluttered and wiped out today and feel a lot better for it. It’s a big job that has been niggling at me for a while now.
I try to do it 3monthly, but do tend to procrastinate on it a bit.

Thursday

– Another busy day.
Vacuuming, mopping, moved the freezer and cleaned under it, washed down the sewing machine table, did a run to the dump to take the recycles, then scrubbed the recycle bins in and out.
Repotted one of the house-plants.
Arranged lunch for next week, with my friend LC.
Cleaned the dining room glass doors in and out.

Friday

– An early trip to the grocery store to get mustard seed, as our seems to have disappeared, and I want to process two huge Daikons that I have in the fridge.

Then it was off to the post office and got a nice surprise parcel from our youngest daughter, of an owl graphic.

Once back home, I changed over the laundry and then started to get everything ready to pickle and can the daikon radish.
I was in the midst of that when our garden guy and his wife dropped in for a visit and a wander.

Cooked some mexi-chilli for dinner while I finished off the canning.

Its still bloody raining, and to be honest its really starting to do my head in…
Again / Still!
I need some sunshine dammit!!

Saturday

– Ever since my trip south, my laptop has decided it’s had enough after around 6yrs of faithful service, so I spent the morning researching which one will be my next laptop.
As much as I think I’d like to go the route of moving to an iPad Pro – which would easily cover all my needs and then some – I truely can’t justify the extra added expense at this point, so I’ll stay with the much cheaper MacBook Air.

Otherwise, it’s just been another slow rainy day…

We ended up going to HN late in the afternoon and getting me my new laptop when my Love got in from work, so I spent the evening ogling it’s loveliness, and getting it all set up and working how I like.
She’s speedy that’s for sure!

Sunday

– Took a trip to the next town over to get some sunshine cos I was about ready to lose my shit!

Thank goodness we struck sunshine less than half way there, and got to bask in glorious rays for the next couple of hours.
I can almost feel it topping me up!

Did some grocery shopping for stuff we can’t get in our town, and then went to the Heritage Museum for lunch and I had half a cheese and tomato toastie.
Headed back home and within 15 mins of arriving, it was pouring. [ffs!]

Thankfully we had enough time to unpack the bus and take out the mattress, linen, table and chairs – as I’m taking the bus to the city overnight on Wednesday, to finally get the big fan installed in the roof.

I am now 25.5kg down on my weight-loss / get healthier adventure, and feeling pretty darn good for the most part!
Some days my body decides not to play nice, and while I continue to wait for the Hospital to schedule my hiatal hernia and gallbladder removal surgery, this will be an ongoing problem, but I feel like I am managing the difficulties quite well overall…

The dawn of a new era. Dad died last night… RIP AP.

 

While I was cleaning out Dads stuff, the rain cleared for a short while and the sun came out and shone on his chair…

 

Flying out from Brisbane and going over the Queen St Bridge.

 

A dog that loves me, a new laptop, and my Love by my side. What a great way to spend a Sunday!

 

Canning pickled Daikon Radish, So pretty and delicious.

 

Giving my pj shirt a second life, and adding a reminder to myself…

huuuge changes

 

o0o

Its six weeks since I last posted.

Six weeks since the event that changed my dear friends Life forever – in ways that I can barely begin to imagine.
Its also 6 weeks in which my Life has changed – because of the hideous heartbreak my friend has had to endure…

Only an hour into my first day back at work Continue reading “huuuge changes”

lessons

o0o

Again – it feels like the Universe is throwing me yet another lesson – because no matter how many it has thrown me in the last couple of years – I keep pushing the lessons to the side – and blindly bumbling on – seemingly oblivious to what is trying to be taught to me.

I hope this season that I am in right now – isn’t yet another lesson I will push to the side and ignore – for I know what the lesson is, and I know what is required of me to move toward that which I need to be doing – but still I hold off – perhaps paralysed Continue reading “lessons”

wild ride

 

o0o

 

Its been a wild ride for the last few weeks, and a ride that I’m still in the midst of, and I’ve gotta say – that some of it I’m not lovin’ so much!!

I’d been starting to ‘spiral’ a bit after I last posted, but then a series of events happened that just swamped me totally, and I felt like that wild ride was taking me crashing back down through the floor…

Firstly, whilst I was seeing some small advances with our joint counselling sessions, I was feeling like the majority of any getting-ahead was happening mostly only in the sessions, and wasn’t transferring to our real-world everyday Life.
And I was feeling a bit ‘played’, by that.

Then, the State that we live in which has been suffering from the most gut-wrenching droughts, where stock had been routinely starving to death, and Farmers were walking away from their Lands in despair – was suddenly engulfed in never-before-seen ammounts of water from weeks of torrential rains, then the resulting total devastation of flash-flooding.

The majority of the stock that Farmers had been able to hand-feed and keep alive – were washed away and drowned, and the Farmers have been left with mass piles of stinking rotting carcasses to try and bury / dispose of.

Some of our family members were in the path of that flooding, with our eldest daughter having to evacuate and her home being inundated with mud and water over a metre deep – which destroyed almost all of their belongings, including precious photo albums.

And then…

And then a friends husband tragically died in a freak accident, leaving her and her two small children shell-shocked and (obviously!) devastated.

The crazy circumstance of his death, his young age, the ‘unfairness’ of it all, sent my already wobbly emotions right over the edge!

I knew it was time for a solo check-in with my counsellor, and she thankfully managed to fit me in on fairly short notice.

I think I spent most of that hour sobbing.

But there were a few things that floated to the surface for me, that I recognised were of importance to me and needed to be ‘dealt with’, in some way…

The first was about the old adage of the days being long, but Life being short – and this one hits me more and more in the face, as each day, week, month, year passes.

We have one short, important, glorious, fucked-up, amazing, beautiful Life, which is gone before you can barely blink – and in some cases, is over with before it’s even properly begun.
This also becomes even more obvious on a daily basis, when you have a life-limiting illness…

The second thing was – that I have the right to make certain (reasonable) demands of people and to have and impose boundaries around how I am treated, and that it’s ok to not put up with being treated in a way that I find less-than-acceptable or inappropriate.

That evening, My Love and I had a big talk.
Wellllll – in all honesty, I did the majority of the talking – in amongst a pile of sobbing, sniffling and tears!

I laid out how I was feeling, as best I could, and explained in brief what I felt I needed.

Two nights later, my Love initiated a conversation.

It was a conversation of plans and intentions – and I’ve heard it a number of times before, but I am willing once again to see if this time around the intention will ’stick’, or if it will just fade away as it has before…

At only about 10 days in, we had our next joint counselling session.

I was in the midsts of telling our counsellor a very broad overview of what had been going on, and was explaining that although we were only 10 days in from the conversation that had been initiated by My Love, that I was feeling hopeful, and more trusting and respectful toward My Love, when our counsellor asked if she could know what the conversation had actually been about.

My Love said “no – not at the moment”, and it felt (to me) like that was right about the moment that the session came to a stand-still.

Our counsellor – bless her heart – tried to move it along, but everything after that was just superficial chit-chat.

At the close of the session, she reminded us that we needed to revisit our conversations and to keep having them, even though it would be hard work and uncomfortable for us both.

We agreed.

That was just over 2 weeks ago.

I’ve sent My Love an email about our session – but I’ve had no response.

And there have been no further conversations…
Sarah

mini vacay

 

o0o

It’s different being away from home and being in someone elses home.
It’s a cross between a mini vacation and at times not quite knowing what to do with myself – then realising that I don’t actually have to BE doing anything with myself!

The downside though is – that apart from missing my Love – is that she is back there doing all the final moving of the bits and pieces that are still at the house in town, and I feel really shit about her having to do that without me helping – however minimal that is some days…

It’s also very weird for me to be so far away from home by myself – it’s just not something i DO!

My brother and sister in law actually live about a half hour out of town, so any time you want anything its a fairly mammoth effort to go to the store.
Which is something that I really like – but having been out of the habit of that pre-thinking, being that we now live so close to town, you get out of the habit of thinking of and getting everything you need or want, in one trip!

I didn’t go into the aged care home today to see Tony (my Mamas husband), as my sister was going to take him to church to see some of his mates, and church really isn’t my type of thing to be doing on a beautiful sunny Sunday morning, so I figured it was best if she just headed in on her own.

I ended up going into town as I wanted to get my brother and his wife a very belated housewarming present, that would be (hopefully) something that they would find was useful – and something I personally use about 5 times a week.

So off I went to ‘the big smoke’ and quickly found what I was looking for – which was an “Instant Pot”.
Well, it’s not actually the instant pot brand – but it does all the same things.

You can sauté, slow-cook, pressure cook, do rice, pasta and baking all in these little magicians – and we just love ours so much that we actually have two at home! lol

Right now – I am sitting on the verandah, home alone – overlooking miles of uncluttered farmland and the only sound other than the birds, is a neighbours generator, thunking away rhythmically in the distance…

Its pretty nice I gotta say!
Sarah

 

 

 

mini vaycay 1

Looking over the paddocks.

mini vaycay 2

The full blood moon rising.

the mummas nightmare

 

 

This morning started in the way no Mothers ever want it to.

A missed call on my phone before 7am, and a voice message.

Checked the voice message, and it was someone I didn’t know, telling us that our second youngest son had been in a motorbike accident.
He had been on his motorbike on the way to work, and had been hit by a car.

We live a 1 hour drive then a 5hr flight, or a 24 hour solid drive, away from where he lives.
Our stomachs lurched.

It was his boss Wayne whom had called us, and on calling him back, we found out that Wayne had seen him put into the ambulance approximately a half-hour earlier, and had briefly spoken to him prior to the ambulance heading off to the local hospital, which he gave us the name of.

At least we knew our son had been alert when he was carried off – alert enough to give the guy his Mummas phone number at least.
Good sign – hopefully

We then rang Hospital A, where they had taken him – only to find out that he hadn’t turned up there(!!) and they suggested that he might be at Hospital B if his injuries were substantial or required immediate surgery. 😐

While this was happening, my Love was on the other phone, calling our youngest daughter who is a Doctor in an adjacent City to where our son lives and works; to see if she knew anything or could find out anything.

We then rang Hospital B, and thankfully he was there.
All they could tell us was that he had literally just arrived, and was being seen to by the doctor at that very moment, and that they wouldn’t be able to update us for at least a half-hour, possibly more.

Wayne then rang us again, in a bit of a panic as he had gone to Hospital A, and had found out that they had taken our son to the more acute care hospital further away, due to some concern that he was exhibiting signs of internal bleeding – and he wanted to let us know that he was now on the way to Hospital B.
Bless his heart!

The next few hours were pretty scary.
One feels sooo helpless when you’re far away from your babies, and you know things aren’t right with them – and theres not a damn thing you can do!

Finally we got to speak to him very briefly, and although he was groggy, and tearful (in shock!) he was in quite good spirits, but a fair bit of pain.
He had just had scans done, was awaiting results, and was being given more pain medication.

The day wore on, and we only received sketchy updates, until finally around 5pm, when we heard that he was well enough that they were going to let him go home.

Such incredible relief!!!

We spoke to him again briefly after he got home last night, and he was very sore and still very shaken – as was to be expected – and was on his way to bed.
But he had got to hold his daughter, and we know that that alone is enough to give him the strength to bounce back to full health, quickly.

We feel so very blessed and fortunate to have had the day turn out so well.

It could have gone so very very differently…
Today, we could be mourning the loss of one of our children, but instead we are feeling so very thankful and grateful that things turned out as they did!

Don’t forget to tell your kids how much you love them, and how proud you are of them – you never know when you might not get the chance to do it ever again…

Sarah

 

Mummas Nightmare Motorbike Accident
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Mummas Nightmare Motorbike Accident

the smoking gun

.

 

I am a smoker.
I won’t be in a weeks time – but today – I am.

I had my first ‘serious’ cigarette somewhere around the age of 12, and we’ve been close companions for most of the last 40+ years.

I’ve had a few times when I have quit, particularly over the last couple of years, but have taken it up again; not particularly because I wanted to – but because My Love is a smoker too – and when My Love smokes, I can’t bare to be near her, because of the smell.

Its not because it makes me yearn for a cigarette – its because it makes me want to vomit.
Literally.

For a long time I’ve been angry at My Love about the whole ‘smoking business’.

Unlike many others, My Love knows that I have a terminal lung disease.

My Love sees the constant battle that I have with breathing.
Watches as I cough until I almost can’t catch my breath.
Does physio on my back when my coughing isn’t ‘strong enough’ to clear the crap out of my airways; so that i can breathe a little easier.

My Love sees me when I am exhausted, just from getting dressed in the morning.
Sees when I take my puffer before go out the door, so that I can hopefully clear out my lungs enough before I get to work, that I won’t embarrass myself by hacking up endlessly throughout the morning.

My Love sees how quickly I get puffed out, from simple chores like making the bed, or doing the vacuuming, or bringing bags of groceries from the car.

But don’t get me wrong!!

My Love helps me every.single.day – helps to make my life easier, less stressful both physically and mentally, and helps with doing things I either can’t, or get exhausted doing.

But the thing that ‘gets’ me – that I don’t understand no matter how hard I try – is why this fiercely stubborn person – who only a few short years ago lost 30kg after getting annoyed once too often, at being overweight – gives up on quitting smoking before even giving it a red-hot proper go.

My Love researched losing weight, set the scene around the house for the best chance of success, then got super-sensible about food and some gentle movement.
Having got annoyed about being overweight – it was “game on” and there was no question about who was going to be the winner.

That ‘fat’ was goinnn’ downnnnn!!!!

And down it went.
And down it stayed, for quite a few years!

Yep – eventually my Love got a bit complacent, and work took over all of the focus, and the food-awareness slipped – but still all of the weight didn’t return.
Yep – my Love is heavier now than a few years ago – but is certainly still within a healthy range.
(& still super-delicious!!)

So WHY – when my Love knows that this is unmistakably killing me, and that its killing her too – does she continue to do it?
And why – when previously having chosen (not asked, nor forced) to go on a quit-smoking mission, has self-sabotage, deception and ultimately quitting quitting been the order of the day?

I just don’t get it….!!!

I can state without any shadow of a doubt, that there is not.one.thing that I wouldn’t give up in a heartbeat – if it meant that my Loves life or the life of my Children, might have a chance of being prolonged.

There is nothing I wouldn’t give up, if I could help to improve the health of my Spouse or my Children.

N O T H I N G ! ! !

But its me who puts each cigarette in my mouth.
Its me who goes through the ritual of striking the lighter, its me holding the flame to the end of a new cigarette, and its me who draws the smoke down into my lungs.

Cigarettes are killing me – and I am the one holding the smoking gun…

So – a week today – and I’ll be done.

A week today, I will have had my final cigarette the day before.
And a year from today – I will hopefully remember to check back in and tell you how bloody awesome I am, that I’m coming up on a year clean.

Sarah

 

 


I have been journaling (hand-written) for the last week or so, in the lead-up to quitting – its kind of an ‘accountability’ thing to myself – and this was one of the pages that I did. I want work, colleagues, family, friends and every bloody body, to know – that this time round, i HAVE to win, I have to stay clean – I’m not ready to die just yet…

 

 

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