huuuge changes



Its six weeks since I last posted.

Six weeks since the event that changed my dear friends Life forever – in ways that I can barely begin to imagine.
Its also 6 weeks in which my Life has changed – because of the hideous heartbreak my friend has had to endure…

Only an hour into my first day back at work Continue reading “huuuge changes”

impact books




There have been two books in my life, that have had a major effect on my Life.

The first was “The Alchemist”, which I read in my very early 20s.

Somehow – I realised years later – that ’The Alchemist” had given me a strength, faith, belief and trust in myself, that I had never possessed before – and not too long after reading it, my life went through some big changes.

Then – 20 years ago, I read another book that forever changed my Life.

After reading the very last page of that book, I almost ran down the street to our local video shop – which incidentally was owned and operated by a lovely man called Michael, and I hired out the movie.

Of course it was no where even close to being as wonderful as the book had been – but thankfully, I had known of the movie before I read the book, so the pictures I had in my mind when reading, of the main characters, were the faces of those actors whom I knew were in the movie – so it made the transition from book to movie a little less jarring…
[Meryl Streep and Clint Eastwood in case you’re wondering!]

The book was: “Bridges of Maddison County”.

Set in the 1960s, to me it was about the ripple-effect impact that came about when photographer Robert Kincaid unwittingly wandered into the life of isolated housewife Francesca Johnson, for four days.

I am sure others would have a different view of what it was about, but that matters not…

Whatever the intent of the writer, that book gave me a metaphorical kick in the stomach – that I actually felt so very deeply; physically.

I remember physically shaking, feeling like there was a lava-pit in the depth of my stomach that was going to blow to at any second.
I felt claustrophobic almost – like I was trapped in one of those car-crushing machines, and the roof, floor, and walls were slowly closing in on me, and that before too long I would have the last vestiges of my Life, crushed from within me…

I was terrified.
I was alternately sobbing, dry-retching and eerily calm, still and quiet.

Something within me was making a very big shift – and as it turned out, I didn’t have to wait too long to find out just what that something was…

Later that evening, whilst my husband was out in the lounge-room, indulging in his usual nightly entertainment of getting drunk and playing video games, I went into our bedroom to the house-phone on my nightstand, and dialled the number of a woman whom I had met in person only a few times, but whom I had been ‘talking’ to online for almost two years.

I asked her to find a house for me and my children to live in, in her town – which was a town I had never even been to in my life, and was over four hours drive away from where I currently lived – and told her that I would arrange to have money sent to her as soon as I could.

The next day, I briefly rang my Father and without giving any explanation – told him I needed a large amount of money sent to someone he had never heard of and had never heard me speak of.

I had never asked my father for money before that day, and to his credit – whilst he must have been very wary, worried and confused, he didn’t harass me for any details, and simply did what I asked.

Over the following week, I had a few phone and online discussions with my friend – who understandably wanted reassurances that I knew what I was doing, and that I was sure about what I was doing.
I was very sure.

We also arranged that she would purchase beds, bedding, a fridge and other small necessities for the house I was planning to move into, and organise appointments for me to enrol my kids in the local schools.

That poor woman had a very busy week that week – especially seeing that as a working mother herself, she still had to deal with school runs and her job, on top of everything that I was needing from her!

The day before I planned to totally relocate myself and my children to a new Life – I told my husband what I was doing.

He didn’t believe me.

That evening was no different to any other.
Dinner was made, and eaten as a family.
The kids were bathed and put to bed at varying times that befit their age; then I went to bed – and eventually the drinks ran out and the video game was turned off – and my husband came to bed too.

The next day, I packed up my kids and my car and drove away from the life I had known.

Now here we are in 2018.

Eight years ago, in 2010, I bought a book that had been on the Best Seller list for years, which no doubt many of you will have heard of.
That book was “Eat, Pray, Love” by Elizabeth Gilbert.

I know the general premise of the story: that it is a work of non-fiction about the author, whom ventures through Italy, India and Indonesia on a quest to learn more about herself.

I also know that it has been made into a movie starring Julia Roberts, which I have also heard decent reviews about, and I actually own a copy of, but have never watched.

And until this week, I had never opened the cover of this book and dived on in.

I’ve had no idea why not, but I just kept avoiding it – passing it by.
For some unknown reason, I have always been wary of it – getting some sort of feeling permeating from it, saying that now wasn’t the time…

I think a very big part of me has unknowingly (until now) been a lil frightened that this book might be a huge catalyst for a big Life change – and I’m just not sure I’m brave enough these days, for that sort of Adventure…

I guess we’ll just wait and see what comes of it eh!?!!






Eat, Pray, Love

the mummas nightmare



This morning started in the way no Mothers ever want it to.

A missed call on my phone before 7am, and a voice message.

Checked the voice message, and it was someone I didn’t know, telling us that our second youngest son had been in a motorbike accident.
He had been on his motorbike on the way to work, and had been hit by a car.

We live a 1 hour drive then a 5hr flight, or a 24 hour solid drive, away from where he lives.
Our stomachs lurched.

It was his boss Wayne whom had called us, and on calling him back, we found out that Wayne had seen him put into the ambulance approximately a half-hour earlier, and had briefly spoken to him prior to the ambulance heading off to the local hospital, which he gave us the name of.

At least we knew our son had been alert when he was carried off – alert enough to give the guy his Mummas phone number at least.
Good sign – hopefully

We then rang Hospital A, where they had taken him – only to find out that he hadn’t turned up there(!!) and they suggested that he might be at Hospital B if his injuries were substantial or required immediate surgery. 😐

While this was happening, my Love was on the other phone, calling our youngest daughter who is a Doctor in an adjacent City to where our son lives and works; to see if she knew anything or could find out anything.

We then rang Hospital B, and thankfully he was there.
All they could tell us was that he had literally just arrived, and was being seen to by the doctor at that very moment, and that they wouldn’t be able to update us for at least a half-hour, possibly more.

Wayne then rang us again, in a bit of a panic as he had gone to Hospital A, and had found out that they had taken our son to the more acute care hospital further away, due to some concern that he was exhibiting signs of internal bleeding – and he wanted to let us know that he was now on the way to Hospital B.
Bless his heart!

The next few hours were pretty scary.
One feels sooo helpless when you’re far away from your babies, and you know things aren’t right with them – and theres not a damn thing you can do!

Finally we got to speak to him very briefly, and although he was groggy, and tearful (in shock!) he was in quite good spirits, but a fair bit of pain.
He had just had scans done, was awaiting results, and was being given more pain medication.

The day wore on, and we only received sketchy updates, until finally around 5pm, when we heard that he was well enough that they were going to let him go home.

Such incredible relief!!!

We spoke to him again briefly after he got home last night, and he was very sore and still very shaken – as was to be expected – and was on his way to bed.
But he had got to hold his daughter, and we know that that alone is enough to give him the strength to bounce back to full health, quickly.

We feel so very blessed and fortunate to have had the day turn out so well.

It could have gone so very very differently…
Today, we could be mourning the loss of one of our children, but instead we are feeling so very thankful and grateful that things turned out as they did!

Don’t forget to tell your kids how much you love them, and how proud you are of them – you never know when you might not get the chance to do it ever again…



Mummas Nightmare Motorbike Accident

Mummas Nightmare Motorbike Accident

waiting scared


I am SO damn frustrated and cranky today!!!

There are a few things that have ‘led’ me here – but I guess the main one is fear and concern for my Family….

My sister, nephew, his wife and their two kids live in the BVI, and hurricane Irma has just gone through, and absolutely devastated the area.
My Family members are currently ‘missing’ – having not been heard from in over 48 hours now.

We’ve been searching online, ringing, posting, asking everywhere we can think to – all to no avail thus far…

I had decided that as its one of my days off from work, I should go into town and get some work done on the town house, as apart from a bit of a sort-through that bathroom cupboard a few days ago, I haven’t been in to get any cleaning or anything done since the kids left almost a week ago.

Soooo – the place in an absolute mess.

I got some stuff sorted, and other stuff thrown aways, from the kitchen, and I also managed to get a first coat of paint rolled onto the hallway walls while I was there, but it will need another coat, and then I’ll need to go back around it twice more once its dried, to do all the edges – but that will have to wait for another day.

The bath and vanity alone took me over an hour to clean – which just made me super-mad, that anyone could leave someone else home in this state! (let alone family that had been here to help!)

And then I got mad at My Love – cos she goes to the house daily, and had to spend about 45mins there just yesterday, waiting for a bloke who never turned up – and I couldn’t for the life of me see anything that she had done about the place, other than feeding the cats and putting empty cat-food tins in the kitchen sink!!

And then I got mad at the builder, who hasn’t been back to the house in over three weeks, and has left off ¾ of the way through doing the deck roof, AND has left his work-shit spread everywhere…!

And then I got mad because I’m MAD AT EVERYONE!! 🙁 🙁

The waiting for news is doing my head in – I hope they’re okay… 😐

Choice or Decision – is it either?


Almost every single day, something happens that reminds me that we don’t have long on this planet – and that maybe I’ve got a little less than that.

But some days it crashes in on me, and almost suffocates me.

I get so overwhelmed with such a deep fear and sadness, and such a feeling of helplessness that I almost can’t breathe.

And I feel like I’ve got so very little control of my future.

It makes for a decision that I just don’t know how to make….

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