Mighty Monsoon

 

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It been quite the summer – let me just say – and I’m not sorry that Autumn is working its way slowly into the pores of my skin.

It’s at this time of the year that you can see and feel the shift of the sun as it peeks through the trees in the early mornings.

It no longer comes blaring in the bathroom window and immediately heats up the house, but instead creeps in at an angle through the trees, and slowly makes its way around to the kitchen window by about 9am, giving an ethereal feel to the morning with its golden light.

We have had three months of mammoth monsoonal rains – around 1400mm / 50 inches – which has turned our little piece of paradise into an absolute quagmire for most of that time.

The garden has been neglected because it has been so wet, but also because I needed to have major surgery in early February, which not only required some weeks of pre-op preparation, but has then also needed some significant recovery time.

I am not quite six weeks post-op, and am still having difficulty with the nutrition and hydration side of things.
For the most part I think I am finally out the other side as far as the pain is concerned, but I am still finding that whilst I have found that I have amazing boosts of unusual energy, I also tend to suddenly hit a wall and can tire unexpectedly.

Due to my having to step back from the garden – and the Farm in general – we recently decided to hire a garden-helper, and within only about a half hour of putting an ad up online, the wife of the person it turns out that I needed, found the ad and contacted me.

Within a few days he came over for a look around and to meet & greet, and the following Tuesday he worked his first day.
He’s been three or four times now, and it seems to be working really well for all of us.

I know that it has certainly removed a very big ball of stress from my shoulders, as I was becoming quite overwhelmed with the amount of work that was steadily piling up with each successive week of me not being out there doing the things.

My Love is also been encouragingly supportive of having him help around the Farm.
I guess she too can already see the huge amount of help he has been is whipping the place back into some semblance of tidiness and productivity.

Sure makes it easier to take the time I need to recover – in mind, body and spirit…

 


Rain, rain and more rain means we temporarily have wooden walkways everywhere.


Allll the Chillies – they’re hot, hot, HOT!


Trees waiting to be planted out.


Ice-cream beans ripening on the tree.

 

 

letting go…

A couple of weeks ago on a Friday, I had two very influential people – who had become friends over the years and who were a big part of me choosing to minimise and simplify my life – decided that they were going to end their respective blog and podcast.

I have been listening to and reading along with these to women for many many years, and somehow it very much felt like the end of some kind of era.
They both announced it on the same day – and if I’m being truthful, I felt quite overwhelmed and sad for the next few days…

By Monday though, I had managed to talk myself around and whilst I still feel that there will be a small unfilled space within me with their departure, I also appreciate the mass of quality work that they put out there into the world for people to learn from, enjoy and interact with.
I have no doubt at all that their works will live on in history.

So here are some thoughts on those reason and season people…

There have been many reason or season people in my life over the years but very few lifetime ones.
I acknowledge and appreciate all those reason or season people.
They were a chapter in my book of life and travelled along side me on my journey.

Thank you for the lessons – even if at times it was hard – thank you for the joy, love, fun, friendship, adventure, learning, kindness and advice 
… thank you for all of the different things that you brought in to my life.

It is often hard to let some if these people go.
There may be grief and a sense of loss – or there may be happiness and a sense relief – depending on what they brought to you.

Regardless of the circumstances, be gentle on yourself as these people transition out of your life. 
 Some may go forever, and some may take on another role.

But whatever happens – let them go with grace




 

Intentional Rhythm

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For me, the next couple of weeks will be all about leaning in to working out what sort of rhythm I want for my days and weeks in the coming year. Continue reading “Intentional Rhythm”

refresh rebrand overhaul

 

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Having sat with it for a while now, as mentioned in my Stocktake Oct20 post I have been wondering whether or not to continue on with this site. Continue reading “refresh rebrand overhaul”

so f*kn PROUD

 

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I can’t even begin to tell you how proud of myself; happy and accomplished I feel today.
(which is a very rare feeling for me, I gotta say!!!)
Continue reading “so f*kn PROUD”

RECIPE: Butter Chicken

 

I’ve always been a bit careful of cooking with herbs and spices.
Truth be told, I’m a bit scared of them – as I don’t know how they Continue reading “RECIPE: Butter Chicken”

i broke

 

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I broke.
Plain and simple – i broke…
This past fortnight – my mind just couldn’t keep itself together anymore, and i broke…

I went to the Doctor back before we went to New Zealand, just for a general annual checkup; and when we were finishing up, I told him that there was something that I had forgotten, but I didn’t know what it was – so as I was paying my bill and leaving, I made another appointment (cos this guy is super hard to get into!) and that appointment date finally rolled around, and was yesterday.

It would have been great if it was a week or two earlier – but I’m sure glad I made it – even if I’ve had to wait almost 2 months to attend it.

The thing that I had forgotten at the first appointment, was the worsening connective tissue pain that I have been experiencing for about a year.
I am now at the point where raising my left arm above level, causes a huge amount of pain, and a range of other areas (elbow, wrists, back, hips) are all suffering various degrees of the same issue.

However, in the last few weeks, ‘Life’ has been getting on top of me more and more, and as mentioned in another post I wrote about the blur – where I explained that I could feel myself slowly spiralling into panic – last week that panic hit full-blast – and I ended up not being able to even manage to go to work last Thursday, and I spent a big part of the day alternately sobbing my heart out; and wading around the Farm feeling thoroughly hopeless and helpless with no idea what to do…

There have been a couple of red-flag moments in the last couple of weeks, and whilst this last week has been a big improvement on the previous two, I know that I can’t work through this one on my own.

Its been a hard realization – and it was even harder to tell our Dr/friend – who is so used to me being buoyant and bolshy, that I was drowning.

I didn’t particularly want to – but as I sat there with him, working out what plan of action we were going to take next to investigate what was going on with my body – I knew that I needed to ask him for help with sorting out my mind too…

So here we are at the start of a new week – and today I’m not doing so flash.

It took me until about lunchtime to do the dishes – something that I usually do as soon as breakfast is done.

I can’t settle my thoughts onto anything, and I keep realising I’ve started doing 10 things and forgotten each of them part way through, and only noticed that I hadn’t finished them, when I found them not completed!
GAH!

I also have a raging headache – even though I’ve taken two lots of paracetamol.

My brain just feels super foggy.

Late tomorrow (Tuesday) I go back to see the doctor, as he wants to do some more anxiety/depression testing on me and check on the reults from the bloods I had drawn last week, before I go to see the psychologist on Wednesday morning – which it seems I was lucky to get into so quickly, after being told by the Dr it would probably take a couple of weeks…

I also have work tomorrow, Wednesday and Thursday – and right at this minute, I’m not sure how I’m going to manage with that – particularly as I am going to have to leave work to attend my psych appointment – and then (in theory) go back to work after it, as its a mid-morning appointment.

I’m also anxious about the trip away that I need to make at the end of this week.
I’ll be away for five days.

I need to go help my sister sort out and pack up the home that my mother and her husband lived in, until they went into the aged care home – and its something that I very much feel that I need to go help her do – and it will be great to see two of my brothers at the same time – but I’m not one of those people who enjoy being away from home, and don’t feel very competent at this solo-travel business – even though in my head I know that I’m perfectly capable of it, and did it very successfully loads of times, in my youth!!

Part of me feels like if I can make it through this week, I’ll make it through whatever is coming at me next – but all I can do for now, is to keep reminding myself to breathe, to concentrate on what I can do, and to let go of any expectation of what this week should ‘look like’.

Its an unknown, and I have to be ok with that, and try roll with it…
Sarah

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