I feel so at odds of late.
In the quiet times when I am by myself, and I am able to spend time being introspective – I can see that I am in a season of a very negative headspace – and have been unable to shift it…
I teeter between feelings of anger, disappointment, hurt, overwhelm, being used, sadness, irritation, being taken for granted, feeling unappreciated, cranky and just plain ole miserable!
The only times I don’t have tears welling in my eyes, a lump in my throat, and those feeling aren’t bubbling to the fore – is when I have my game-face on.
When I’m playing the role and hiding behind the facade of being a ‘good’ employee, Wife, Mother, colleague, friend etc
Despite recently having had a fortnight off to go away to Brisbane to help out during the time that our youngest daughter had her first baby; my work life is giving my mental health yet another nudge in a not-positive direction.
I have tried to weather out the storm in the hopes that with time, my work-life would settle into a manageable rhythm – however that hasn’t been the case, and I have no time nor the mental and emotional energy left to try and wait it out.
So – this week I have decided that I am going to have to resign from one part of my job.
This isn’t something I want to do – as the part that I will be leaving behind is the creative part – and I would love to have excelled at it, and it would have given me personal feelings of accomplishment.
Writing that email of resignation won’t be at all easy – but it will be what is right.
Right for me, right now…
It’s important in the world to show kindness – but we must also remember to show kindness to ourselves – for we can not give to others, that which we do not have for ourselves.