Again – it feels like the Universe is throwing me yet another lesson – because no matter how many it has thrown me in the last couple of years – I keep pushing the lessons to the side – and blindly bumbling on – seemingly oblivious to what is trying to be taught to me.
I hope this season that I am in right now – isn’t yet another lesson I will push to the side and ignore – for I know what the lesson is, and I know what is required of me to move toward that which I need to be doing – but still I hold off – perhaps paralysed Continue reading “lessons”
It’s been a while since my last post (about 6 weeks or so), and I apologize if you’ve missed me – although it is the season for most people of busy-ness and stress – so it’s probably the case that you haven’t even noticed I haven’t been around…! :))
In days blog, I’m going to talk about arguing, difficult talks, and communication in general…
A year ago today my heart shattered into a million little pieces…
As is usual for anyone when grieving, I felt like I would never be free of the feeling of total and utter devastation that I was going through.
After my post about dental distractions the other day – sadly the delight and belief didn’t pan out this time around – and whilst it initially seemed to be getting better, after a night of almost no sleep other than fitful dozing; and taking faaaaar too many doses of pain medication throughout the night last night, this morning I had an emergency appointment at the dentist in town.
Thankfully they managed to get me in as the first appointment of the day.
And so now, the final tooth on my lower jaw has been removed – and I cant help but be a bit sad…
I’ve fought so damn hard over so many years to keep that final tooth there – particularly when so many dentists before my current one said it would never last – but I managed another 15 years with it, so I’m grateful for that…
The dentist has given me a few days off work, but I’ll see how I feel tomorrow and decide about work then.
I also need to go and see the Dental Tech, and work out about getting fitted for; and having a full denture made.
I think that I can probably ‘make do‘ with my current one for the time being, but because it has spaces in it for teeth that used to be there (its a partial) the food is going to get under it – even if it is glued in.
For now, my Love has just bought me home a reusable straw, so that I can get something into my tummy!
I didn’t get to eat much dinner due to pain last night, and have missed breakfast and lunch today – and am now pretty darn hungry – so soup it will be.
And I’m certainly looking forward to it!!
Not the sort of photo one would usually willing post online, but dentures aren’t a topic that people ever really talk about…and I’m all for having the difficult or uncomfortable talks!
Breakfast and lunch all rolled into one cup of chicken soup, with my nice reusable straw; a gift from my Love.
Its been a rather ‘uncomfortable’ week with me trying to ignore a possibly impending tooth infection, that didn’t go away when it was ignored, and thus resulted in me having to leave work when Continue reading “dental distractions”
I somehow managed to put my back out again – whilst getting up from the toilet.
How does that even happen!?!?
I spent that day being pretty damn teary and miserable – I didn’t feel like I could go through another few months of being bed bound and rehabbing all over again – but then of course, if this isn’t just a short term flare-up, I don’t have any damn choice in the matter, other than to start back at square one!
Theres also the issue of finances…
My Love has just changed jobs, and needs to re-build her contacts, and get some Sales back under her belt so that the income is back to ‘incoming’, and of course the old employer hasn’t been at all forthcoming with information to her customers when they ring up to get a hold of her – which whilst i know is definitely well within their right, and is totally expected – but it still feels kinda shitty (& petty)…
At the same time – even though the income isn’t what it usually is – the out-goings remain as they were prior to the move, and my part of the income is definitely needed right now, just so that we can eat – so a period of enforced time away from my work and the associated pay-cheque – scares the living daylights outta me!!
Its now almost a month since that happened, and I have been back at physio, had a fortnight of half-days again, at work, and am slowly on the improve.
Its a mentally difficult thing having it in the back of your mind every.single.moment of every.single.day – that at any moment, I could be laid up indefinitely…!
I don’t want to live every aspect of my life being super-careful, but i also know I cant just jump right on in and do everything that i either want to do, or have always done.
Its all a matter of learning and respecting my own limitations.
Not an easy thing – and something I know i will slip up with from time to time – but I’m trying to be sensible!!
One day at a time…
My Physio relocated to one of the southern states back in early October.
Before she left – she arranged for another physio in the same practice to take over my care, as I had seen this other physio a few times (when my usual wasn’t available) and she knew my full history – so there wouldn’t have to be a whole long extended hand-over needed.
I knew I’d been left in good hands, so whilst I was sad that my regular physio – whom i adored – was leaving, I felt confident that I was being left in good hands.
A week later, three days before I was due for my next appointment, I got a call from the receptionist at the clinic – to let me know that there has been a mass ‘walk-out’ (and resignations) of the majority of the physio staff – and that there was only one physio left at the clinic.
They would need to reschedule my next appointment – and with a bloke i had never see before.
I was less than pleased…!
Because there was now only one physio left at the clinic, the rescheduling meant that my next appointment was not for another eight weeks… 😐
Whilst I had managed to whittle down from needing three appointments per week, down to one a week – having to go eight weeks without an appointment scared me rather a lot.
And as luck has it, we live in a small rural community – and therefor don’t have the luxury or access to just going to a different clinic!
I made the appointment.
It was for December 2nd.
November 30th – the clinic called.
My appointment was ‘no longer available’…
I didn’t bother trying to make another.
I’m pissed off, I’m fed-up of being pushed to the back of the line – I’m done.
I don’t yet know quite what I am going to do about finding another physio.
I keep hoping that the girl I was initially scheduled to see when my original physio left, will pop-up somewhere locally, and I can score an appointment with her – but so far its not looking good.
Its been a couple of months now since the walk-out, and she hasn’t turned up anywhere that I have found yet 🙁
I’ll keep looking though, and keep asking around…
I need the help and guidance of a good physio to keep improving my pain and mobility – and to ensure that I dont back-slide too much.
I really dont think I could cope with the unmanaged pain, and being bed-bound again – like I was back in the early months of the year…I just don’t…
Its hard to fathom that its already been a month since the horror of not knowing if my Family was safe, following Hurricane Irma.
It was just over 48hrs after the hurricane swept through Tortola, before we finally heard that our Nephew, his family and two small children were safe – and another agonising 36hrs before we heard that my sister was also safe, and had managed to walk for miles – through what was basically a war-zone, to be reunited with them.
The relief when I finally heard my sisters voice on the other end of the phone line, was beyond description, and I hadn’t realise just how “wound-up” I’d been, until the exhaustion hit the following day, and I ended up getting sick, which we figured was probably a reaction to the stress I’d been under.
That whole business of remaining stoic during the crisis – and then falling into a puddle after its all over, type business.
Yep – thats exactly what I did!!
I ended up having 2 days off work – mental health days – to get myself back together, to sleep, and to just ‘heal’ from all that had gone on.
I’ve been putting in as much time as I can on my days off (which is usually about 3 hours at a time), into getting the house in town more prepared for finally being ready to go on the market.
I’ve got the majority of the painting done, and the general clean-up, and just have some touch-ups to do, the fridge cavity to paint, and the front room to clean properly, and I’ll have done most of the stuff that I am able to do by my self.
I need my Love to get a few chores done – and the chain has been being dragged there a bit.
I get that its a shitty job, and that motivation is lacking – I feel exactly the same way – but unfortunately we don’t have the money to get someone else in to do it – so we just need to suck it up, do what we gotta do – and get this proverbial bloody noose from around our necks!
There is no easy way out of this! (dammit!)
Earlier in the year, when tickets were first released, we managed to score two passes to the Elton John concert that was coming to the near-by City, in September.
We’d pretty much forgotten all about it, until the media hype surrounding the event sparked up and reminded us – so last weekend, off we trundled to the concert.
It was really good, and he can still belt out a song as well if not better than he ever could – and for ¾ of the concert, I was having a lovely time.
We had a great view of the stage, and were pretty much almost close enough to smell his sweat!
Then, at the ¾ mark, the security whom had been soooo good up until that point, decided to let the crowds that had been at the back of the stadium, surge down to the front.
Let me tell you – when there is a 25,000 strong crowd of people, surging around you – its more than a little overwhelming!!
For the last ¼, of the concert – my anxiety kicked in big time, and I think at the time, that I was pretty sure I was going to die in that Stadium!!!
I don’t think there was much at all that I heard of the last quarter – and what was going on for me, was a rush of adrenalin surging through me, that translated to the whoosh of a jet-engine inside my head.
It wasn’t nice….
Once the concert was over – getting out of the Stadium was surprisingly uncomplicated, and the congestion wasn’t too bad at all.
Unfortunately we then had a two hour wait, standing in a very slow moving line, to get a cab back to our hotel.
And apart from some of the foul-mouthed idiots that were in the line behind us – it was actually a relatively painless process!
I’m still going to the Physio on an almost weekly basis – and have had a bit of a back-slide in the last fortnight, which was exacerbated by the concert weekend, and spending so long sitting in a hard plastic chair, and then another couple of hours of standing in line for the cab.
So my body is having a bit of a flare-up at the moment, and the pain-levels have kicked up a notch or three.
Thankfully its nowhere even close to the pain I was in earlier in the year – but its been a frustrating reminder that I will never be truely ‘over’ this stuff, and its just a case of managing the condition as best I can, with help from the professionals…
I did get a bit of sad news last week during my Physio session though.
My Physio girl is going on an around-the-country adventure, and has resigned, and will be leaving as of the end of next week.
She has helped me so amazing much over the last eight months, that a part of me is a little bit scared of her leaving…
I’ll be moving over to another Physio in the same practice – whom I’ve seen numerous times and have a decent rapport with – but a part of me has come to rely on the ‘genius’ that my current girl has been.
She has made such an incredible difference to my abilities and pain levels over the previous months, that I can’t help but wonder how it will all go without her ‘by my side’, cheering me along.
I am incredibly excited for her though.
She is a wonderful young woman, with the world at her feet – and she should be going out there and grabbing every opportunity she can, with both hands.
Today – I had my first full day at home in a verrrry long time.
I didn’t go to work, I didn’t go to the house in town, I didn’t have to leave the Farm for anything – I just got to stay home all day – and it was BLISS!!
My Love had to go to work til about 1pm – so I was home-alone for the morning, to revel in it to the full!
I did laundry, had a solo breakfast whilst reading one of my favourite books, rearranged my closet, packed away most of the winter clothing, took the heavy blanket off the bed, did dishes, tidied the kitchen, and all the while listening to some of my favourite podcasts.
It was just sooo incredibly good for my soul – and a day that I desperately needed.
I’ve also had a birthday in the last month, and got a beautiful dinner cooked for me, and a relaxing evening spent at home with my Love, just being fed and generally pampered…
On the work front, we have a new member of Management starting next week.
A position that has been empty for the last two years, due to us not being able to find a suitable candidate to fill the position – so fingers crossed that it works out well, and takes some of the load off the rest of us who have been doing the duties of the position in the interim.
I’m a bit concerned that we have been doing those duties for so long now, that there won’t be enough of a ‘shifting’ of the duties to ease the load much – but I need to go into this with an open mind, and trust that the right thing will happen, and that the stress of the last few years will be relieved at least a little…
A bit of excitement happened this week.
Our neighbours on the northern side went for a day trip up to the rainforest, and while they were there visited a small intensive farm, that grew vanilla, amongst other things.
It seems that while they were there, the experience of what could be done on a relatively small parcel of land – lit an incredibly wonderful fire of enthusiasm into the man-of-the house, and he came home full of plans, eagerness and green type ideas of what he could accomplish on his own 1ac block – and a burning desire to learn everything he could about permaculture, gardening, food-forests and the like.
So this morning, I loaded up a hard-drive with ebooks, shows and various interesting links, and added a couple of all-rounder type books from our bookcase to the parcel, and handed it over the fence for him to dip in to.
He was pretty excited by it all – and headed off inside with his booty.
Hopefully he’ll enjoy it, cos for me the excitement is in having someone right next door to share knowledge, resources and a joy of this type of mind-set!!
We’ll be getting a couple of new-to-us unwanted hens in a couple of weeks, so it will be a learning curve of integrating them with our two bantams Jac & Izzy.
Hopefully will all go smoothly, and they’ll be happy to live together.
Despite the heat and dry of the last couple of week, the gardens are flourishing, but its looking a bit like we might lose two of the trees we planted a few weeks back.
They’re struggling a bit at the moment, so we’ve been giving them some extra care – but only time will tell if we can nurse them through this rough time that they’re currently having. Fingers crossed!!
Well – its Sunday which means my Love and I get to spend the day together getting some jobs around the Farm done – so I’d best get on with it and “do stuff“!!
Have a great week all.
And remember – sharing is caring… 🙂 you never know who of your friends might be interested in the Adventure!
I hope you do 🙂
Until next time – have a good one and look after YOU!
As you know, I’ve been having issues with hip/back/leg pain for a while, and whilst for a short period in feb/early march – it seemed to be finally getting a bit better after repeated Dr & Physio visits, it got dramatically worse last week – so it was back to the Physio and the Doctor, and after a case-conference between the two – a decision has been made.
The discs between L3-L4 & L4-L5 are pushing on my spinal cord / nerves – which is whats causing bouts of agonising pain, as well as lack of sleep from said pain.
I have been placed on medical leave for the next four weeks, but am told it could well be 8+ weeks – and I have been ordered to be on bed rest.
I am NOT allowed to:
drive for more that a couple of kms (not too often)
sit for any extended periods of time other than meals / toilet
i AM allowed to:
lie in bed
lie semi-propped up in bed
sit for short periods
slow walks around on flat surfaces
I’ve been informed that due to the fact that my spinal nerve is already being impacted, we need to keep a watch out for any further loss of feeling, or loss of bladder/bowel control, as this could well lead to an emergency that would require surgery within 24hrs.
I haven’t quite worked out how Digby can be looked after properly quite yet – and am seriously thinking I might have re-home him.
It will be sad if I have to – but I want what’s best for him, and the options in front of us at the moment make me think that that’s probably going to be the best option.
I don’t want him to be confined or unhappy… 😒
I’ll certainly have time over the coming days and weeks, to work out and put systems in place for how our Life will be for the next while – including where I will spend the majority of the time.
House or Farm.
There’s positives and negatives for both!
Today is my first day home by myself, and I am at the Farm.
Digby is with me.
We found out right before the weekend – so at least I had my Love home to cheer me up for the first few days – when I was feeling very very raw. (Actually, we both were…)
Its such a gorgeous cool overcast day out today – with the sun occasionally jolting through to warm the grass – and there is a crisp breeze blowing.
Every fibre of my being wants to be out in the garden, potting up seeds, or planting seedlings, or papering and mulching.
BUT – I am semi-propped in my bed doing my blogging, and Digby is lying at my feet snoring.
He did however bring me in an empty pot…
I don’t quite know if he was trying to comfort, or tease me!! 😀
At least I have lots of windows and glass doors surrounding me, that I can see out into the garden from; and I have started a list of things already that I would like to get a start on, whilst I’m required to “stay still”, which I regularly get sidetracked from doing, when I am dealing with my usual day of chores and work.
Blogging, organisational lists for the Farm, outstanding letters and calls, long-term menu planning, and working out the intricacies of online grocery shopping – just to name a few! lol
Although I will have the ‘time’ – I probably won’t blog here much more than usual, as I don’t want posts to be nothing more than the ongoing wafflings of my ‘back saga’.
That would get realllllll old, realllllll fast – for all of us.
And right about as interesting as watching paint dry!!
Well, its time for me to go for a short stroll around the room – I need a change of position for a few minutes. lol
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