~living this beautiful messy life~
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Its six weeks since I last posted.
Six weeks since the event that changed my dear friends Life forever – in ways that I can barely begin to imagine.
Its also 6 weeks in which my Life has changed – because of the hideous heartbreak my friend has had to endure…
Only an hour into my first day back at work Continue reading “huuuge changes”
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I feel so at odds of late.
In the quiet times when I am by myself, and I am able to spend time being introspective – I can see that I am in a season of a very negative headspace – and have been unable to shift it…
I teeter between feelings of anger, disappointment, hurt, overwhelm, being used, sadness, irritation, being taken for granted, feeling unappreciated, cranky and just plain ole miserable!
The only times I don’t have tears welling in my eyes, Continue reading “negative headspace”
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It’s been a while since my last post (about 6 weeks or so), and I apologize if you’ve missed me – although it is the season for most people of busy-ness and stress – so it’s probably the case that you haven’t even noticed I haven’t been around…! :))
In days blog, I’m going to talk about arguing, difficult talks, and communication in general…
Not arguing isn’t a sign that you and your Spouse are deliriously happy with each other Continue reading “difficult talks”
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SO…here I am once again sitting at the airport, waiting to get on a flight and I’m southbound again to go and help with tidying up yet more affairs of my deceased Mumma and her very-much-alive Hubby (TnT) – who is now in Aged Care.
Its been a pretty stressful time for the last fortnight, with the house having gone on the market, selling really quite quickly, then T initially not wanting to sign the contract, but eventually signing it, and then after the house became unconditional, he refused to sign Continue reading “southbound again”
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I feel like I have a million irons in the fire right now – and I’m going to need to be super-diligent of how I schedule my Life and time over the next couple of weeks, otherwise I know that I am going to seriously deplete my already low energy reserves, and end up being a gibbering, anxiety-ridden mess – who cant get anything accomplished! Continue reading “irons in the fire”
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The fact that you’re struggling doesn’t make you a burden.
It doesn’t make you unlovable or undesirable or undeserving of care.
It doesn’t make you too much or too sensitive or too needy…It makes you human.
Everyone struggles.
Everyone has a difficult time coping, and at times, we all fall apart.
During these times, we aren’t always easy to be around — and that’s okay.
No one is easy to be around one hundred percent of the time.
Yes, you may sometimes be unpleasant or difficult.
And yes, you may sometimes do or say things that make the people around you feel helpless or sad.
But those things aren’t all of who you are and they certainly don’t discount your worth as a human being.
The truth is that you can be struggling and still be loved.
You can be difficult and still be cared for.
You can be less than perfect, and still be deserving of compassion and kindness…
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Its a year on from my “one step at a time” post – and I’m reflecting a bit about where I am now as opposed to this time last year.
Some things haven’t yet changed.
I am still at my job as a Manager, I am still working three days a week, and I’m still not a full-time HouseSpouse.
YET!
A lot has change though…
We have the house in town on the market – for sale.
We have moved full-time into the FarmHouse.
We have stacks of garden beds that are flourishing with edible produce, that fills our bellies with wholesome homegrown goodness.
We have enough surplus veggies that I am able to do canning so that our pantry shelves are stocked with a variety of foods that we know the ingredients of, and I routinely make our own bread.
We have chickens that supply us with all of our own fresh eggs, and we home-cook 95% of the food we eat.
I have managed to reduce our food budget substantially.
I have also paid off a lot of credit card debt, and will hopefully have paid off the remainder of it in less than a year.
We also no longer have cable tv or home phone line payments to have to find the money for.
I have reduced my clothing spending significantly, although we are going to need to buy some new-to-us work shirts soon, as the ones we currently share are getting a bit faded and threadbare lol.
And – we’ve reduced our power and water consumption!
I may not be as close to where I want to be as I would like – but I am certainly a lot closer than I was a year ago – and for that, I’m pretty darn proud of the headway I’ve made…
Strength doesn’t come from what you can do;
it comes from overcoming the things you once thought you couldn’t do.
When you are at your lowest point,
you are open to the greatest positive change.
Happiness is not the absence of problems,
but the strength to deal with them.
The strongest people are the ones who feel pain,
accept it,
learn from it,
and fight through it.
They turn their wounds into wisdom….
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It was a bit of a shit ending to 2017 for me…
I somehow managed to put my back out again – whilst getting up from the toilet.
How does that even happen!?!?
I spent that day being pretty damn teary and miserable – I didn’t feel like I could go through another few months of being bed bound and rehabbing all over again – but then of course, if this isn’t just a short term flare-up, I don’t have any damn choice in the matter, other than to start back at square one!
Theres also the issue of finances…
My Love has just changed jobs, and needs to re-build her contacts, and get some Sales back under her belt so that the income is back to ‘incoming’, and of course the old employer hasn’t been at all forthcoming with information to her customers when they ring up to get a hold of her – which whilst i know is definitely well within their right, and is totally expected – but it still feels kinda shitty (& petty)…
At the same time – even though the income isn’t what it usually is – the out-goings remain as they were prior to the move, and my part of the income is definitely needed right now, just so that we can eat – so a period of enforced time away from my work and the associated pay-cheque – scares the living daylights outta me!!
Its now almost a month since that happened, and I have been back at physio, had a fortnight of half-days again, at work, and am slowly on the improve.
Its a mentally difficult thing having it in the back of your mind every.single.moment of every.single.day – that at any moment, I could be laid up indefinitely…!
I don’t want to live every aspect of my life being super-careful, but i also know I cant just jump right on in and do everything that i either want to do, or have always done.
Its all a matter of learning and respecting my own limitations.
Not an easy thing – and something I know i will slip up with from time to time – but I’m trying to be sensible!!
One day at a time…
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