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I can’t even begin to tell you how proud of myself; happy and accomplished I feel today.
(which is a very rare feeling for me, I gotta say!!!)
Continue reading “so f*kn PROUD”
Tag: bravery
backstory breakthrough
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Back in June last year I’d been hammering on for probably 2 years about leaving work, but still couldn’t see a finish line particularly due to the fact that I had $13 less than $14,000 in credit card debt. 😐
However, back in June last year – and still in gainful employment; with my utter disgust at this debt, I told myself I was going to do everything I could to get out from under it by Continue reading “backstory breakthrough”
lessons
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Again – it feels like the Universe is throwing me yet another lesson – because no matter how many it has thrown me in the last couple of years – I keep pushing the lessons to the side – and blindly bumbling on – seemingly oblivious to what is trying to be taught to me.
I hope this season that I am in right now – isn’t yet another lesson I will push to the side and ignore – for I know what the lesson is, and I know what is required of me to move toward that which I need to be doing – but still I hold off – perhaps paralysed Continue reading “lessons”
southbound again
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SO…here I am once again sitting at the airport, waiting to get on a flight and I’m southbound again to go and help with tidying up yet more affairs of my deceased Mumma and her very-much-alive Hubby (TnT) – who is now in Aged Care.
Its been a pretty stressful time for the last fortnight, with the house having gone on the market, selling really quite quickly, then T initially not wanting to sign the contract, but eventually signing it, and then after the house became unconditional, he refused to sign Continue reading “southbound again”
making friends part 2
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So after talking about how difficult making friends is – and how bloody rubbish I am at it – a strange thing happened the week before last…
I had two ‘coffee dates’!!
One Friday – one the following Monday.
The one on Friday was the second time I have had coffee with this person, who for the purpose of lessening confusion, we’ll call Person A.
At that stage, I was still in the “i don’t know if she’s my kinda people” stage of things, and whilst there was a lot about her that gelled with my ethos etc, I just wasn’t fully convinced that this was going to be a worthwhile investment for either her or me….
The following Mondays coffee date was someone I have known for quite a number of years. (yep, Person B)
We originally met at work, and these days we work pretty much parallel to one another.
She’s someone that I don’t spend any real social time with usually, but that I do trust to keep my confidences anyways…
Sooooo – I was talking with her about my recent ponderings on ‘friendships’ and how difficult I find them to navigate them, and she is very much in the same boat, as we are both hermits-by-choice outside of work.
I went on to tell her about the two coffee dates that I had had with Person A, and was giving her a run-down of what had transpired on each ‘date’, when I noticed her face was looking more and more incredulous.
And as I was talking, and actually listening to myself talk – I was putting these two seperate events with the same person, into one almost-combined story, and it gave me such an incredible dose of clarity that it actually had me quite gob-smacked for the rest of the day!!
You see, when events happen separately, we tend to tell people about them separately.
For example, each time I had had coffee with Person A, I had come home and told my Love all about it.
What we did, what was said, all the sort of waffley stuff you talk to your Spouse about…
But these coffee dates were a couple of weeks apart, so me giving my Love a rundown of the mornings were obviously also a couple of weeks apart.
But when I was talking to Person B about them, I was telling her about the two events all at once.
And boy oh boy – did that make things sound a whole lot different to my ears, to what I had previously thought I was thinking!!
It was an amazing epiphany – and I think there was even the whole ‘parting of the clouds with rays of sunshine shining through‘ to go with it!!!
Anyways – the upshot of it all is this:
I am going to be brave!
I’m going to be ‘investing‘ in Person B – I’m going to be vulnerable and raw and honest – and all I can hope for is that I come out the end of it with the friend that I think is waiting there for me – and not with feelings of regret and wariness or a whole new level of being reserved and guarded instead…
Wish me luck please!
its gone…
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Its gone…
After my post about dental distractions the other day – sadly the delight and belief didn’t pan out this time around – and whilst it initially seemed to be getting better, after a night of almost no sleep other than fitful dozing; and taking faaaaar too many doses of pain medication throughout the night last night, this morning I had an emergency appointment at the dentist in town.
Thankfully they managed to get me in as the first appointment of the day.
And so now, the final tooth on my lower jaw has been removed – and I cant help but be a bit sad…
I’ve fought so damn hard over so many years to keep that final tooth there – particularly when so many dentists before my current one said it would never last – but I managed another 15 years with it, so I’m grateful for that…
The dentist has given me a few days off work, but I’ll see how I feel tomorrow and decide about work then.
I also need to go and see the Dental Tech, and work out about getting fitted for; and having a full denture made.
I think that I can probably ‘make do‘ with my current one for the time being, but because it has spaces in it for teeth that used to be there (its a partial) the food is going to get under it – even if it is glued in.
For now, my Love has just bought me home a reusable straw, so that I can get something into my tummy!
I didn’t get to eat much dinner due to pain last night, and have missed breakfast and lunch today – and am now pretty darn hungry – so soup it will be.
And I’m certainly looking forward to it!!
Not the sort of photo one would usually willing post online, but dentures aren’t a topic that people ever really talk about…and I’m all for having the difficult or uncomfortable talks!
Breakfast and lunch all rolled into one cup of chicken soup, with my nice reusable straw; a gift from my Love.
gettin’ stuff done!
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I’ve been back to the house in town today, and have done some mega cleaning.
All the floors have been vacuumed, and some of them mopped.
The kitchen sink is sparkling like new and all the kitchen benches and the breakfast bar have been cleared and cleaned.
I have tidied up the front room / office, staged some furniture, pruned the houseplant and vacuumed up all the spider-webs.
I pulled all the furniture away from the walls on the patio, swept down all the walls, and vacuumed up all the spiders and their associated webs, then swept the patio tiles, mopped up some marks, wiped down the tables, and repositioned the furniture.
I even managed to get all the stairs and pathway swept, and the houseplant out there also got a bit of a haircut in the midst of it all.
The main bedroom is closed off so that the cats can’t get in, and there are only two bits of stripping that need completion in the spare bedroom, and then some touchup paintwork on those bits.
The 2nd bedroom is fine how it is.
Once our youngest daughters wedding is done & dusted, and all the various family members have gone back to their different corners of the country, I will empty the kitchen cupboards and drawers, and the pantry – but the kids will be staying in the house from this Wednesday onward, until Sunday or Monday – so it won’t be until next week that I can get to that.
The big bathroom has had the the last of the stripping and gapping done, and there are just a few paint touch-ups needed in there too, but the smaller bathroom just needs a wipe over and the shower recess needs a final scrub, but I’ll wait for next week to do that bit – cos the visiting kids are bound to make a mess!
I’m now back at the Farm, and have a pile of laundry to get through, as I didn’t do any washing over the weekend.
I’m hoping to get to whipper-snipping around the raised beds out near where we park the cars done while the washing-machine is doing its thing – but right now I’m waiting for a phone call that I don’t want to miss – and phone reception is a bit hit & miss at the best of times, but gets markedly worse the further you move away from the FarmHouse where the booster-box for the mobile signal is, so for now i’ll just hang around inside and get some chores done in here…
The whole Farm was mowed again over the weekend.
My Darling doesn’t find it quite as funny as I do, but the ‘clean green slate’ only lasts about 2 hours before the yellow woodsorrel (oxalis stricta) that is in plague proportions amongst the grass, throws up a whole pile of new flowers – so the entire paddock is just a sea of glorious little golden flowers.
It really is very pretty, but drives My Love demented, as by the next morning its back to looking unmown. lol
I can’t help but laugh – every.single.time!! 😀
🌼🌼🌼🌼
Go slow and enjoy the day Folks,
today…
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Today is different.
Today I got out of bed quite well rested.
I had a really decent sleep last night, because it rained through the night, and i always sleep soooo much better when it rains.
I have also taken a fortnight off work – which actually winds up being 18 days – so that is a big load of stress gone off my back for the time being!!
And to top it off, I also slept well because My Love & I came to a very important decision last night, Continue reading “today…”
those that inspire
A month or so ago, a girlfriend and I had a coffee-date at one of the lovely local cafes.
We work together, but don’t socialise much at work, because we both just tend to get busy, plus we work in different parts of the office – so when either of us has a break, we both tend to just zone out for that time period, and pretend we’re anywhere else, rather than spending it with others, being social in the staff room.
It had been almost a year since we last caught up outside of work, and we had a rather in-depth discussion about how we were both in exactly the same ‘place’ as we’d angsted about being in, a year earlier…
Still in the same jobs, still being miserable, and still talking about leaving.
But this time, unbeknownst to each other, we’d each been formulating a plan…
Neither of us had the details down pat, but we’d each decided that by the end of the year, we would not still be dreading that walk through those sliding glass doors each week.
We would not still be being consistently treated like crap, when we routinely went above and beyond…
My friend had a more time-specific plan than I – she planned for August 1 to be her end date.
My end date was planned to occur once our house in town had sold.
Last week was a particularly stressful and horrid week at work.
At the start of this week, my friend privately talked to me at work, apologised, and quietly told me that she was submitting her resignation on Wednesday morning…she just couldn’t hold out any longer…
I was overjoyed!!
There was certainly no need for her apology – although I deeply appreciated the sentiment behind it.
She and I “get” each other, and we have each others back.
We understand just what working in that particular pressure-cooker environment, with that particular mix of staff, is like – in a way that few others can.
So – here we are at Wednesday – and today she did it!!
She handed in her resignation.
I am so happy for her, and proud for her that she has taken this step.
She already walks with more of a lightness to her step – and despite it being another shitty day at work, I can see the ‘light’ returning to her eyes.
Yes, I am a little sad that in a few short weeks, she will no longer be there for me to roll my eyes at 100 times a day when something goes sideways, and I’ll miss not having someone there who has my back, and ‘understands’ – but I honestly could not be happier for her – that she has take the leap.
I can only hope that when that glorious day arrives for me, I can hold my head high and muster up just a tenth of the dignity and grace that my friend showed today…
She’s one brave, strong, inspirational Lady that one – and I just hope we don’t lose touch.
