SimpleLifeFarmer | Simple Life Farmer

glad you asked!

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Smoking you ask?
Are you still smoking?
Wellllll – I’m glad you asked!!

It’s a month in (well, 4 weeks lol) – in case you’ve been keeping track – and still she doesn’t smoke!

That’s right folks.
I’m a month clean!!

But what I’m even more incredibly proud and grateful for – is that my Love is also a month clean of not smoking!!!

Neither of us can say that there haven’t been times when we’d have liked to have had a cigarette – that would be outright lying – and when our son got hit by a car whilst riding his motorbike to work one morning, and was whisked off by Ambulance with expected internal bleeding – welllll…. it was pretty much a ‘perfect-storm excuse’ for either of us to have wimped out and given in.

But we DIDN’T!!!

Yep – we still need to remind ourselves every.single.day that we can’t have ‘just one or two’ – because there is no such thing.

But a month in, and we’re still making the choice every day, to stay nicotine free.
I’m super proud of us 🙂 🙂 🙂

making friends

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o0o

Friends – thats todays subject!
Is it just me, or do others find it incredibly hard to make super-close friends?

I have a lot of people that I know that I can go have a cuppa, a meal, a wine etc with, or that I chat to with some regularity, but usually on a fairly superficial level – but I have no-one that I honestly feel I could share anything+everything with.

I know a part of it is my reticence to be truely vulnerable with people, particularly after two incidents when i thought i had made a close friend – only to find that the friendship wasn’t what i believed it to be – and i got very hurt in the process…

Throughout school (and we’re still friends to this day actually!) I had a wonderful friend Helen that knew every secret I held.
Knew me probably almost better than I knew myself at that age! lol
We can still pick up where we last left off with none of that awful awkwardness, and I would trust telling her anything – but the sad reality is – that we only catch up every few years – so there isn’t that daily / weekly opportunity…

In my 20’s I had another wonderful friend Caroline – who I spoke to every.single.day – and spent a lot of precious time with, and we aways had each others back.
That woman kept my sanity intact for a lotta years(!!) – but then I moved away, and we just seemed to slip away from each other…

Fast forward and here I am in my 50’s.

I had one brief friendship that meant a lot to me, that was ‘blossoming’, when I was in my mid-forties, but then she moved away – and it just sort of moved on without the necessary contact that close friendships take…

And these day I just don’t quite know how one gets to that place of going from a casual acquaintance / friend, to being someone who is really close!!

I know it takes an investment of time – and of course a certain amount of trust, vulnerability and faith – but how does one know just when the time is, that its safe to roll out those parts of you?

What if you think you like someone enough to be a friend, and then you have a few coffee ‘dates’, a few chats, maybe a lunch or two, and you get to thinking “naaaaaa – this just isn’t my kind of person” – how do you then dial it back without appearing rude, when up until then you’d been willing to invest the time, just in case this was going to be a friendship that worked out?
(and YES – I’m very aware that it might be me, who isn’t someone else idea of ‘the right person‘!)

How do you even know that you’re capable of being a decent friend?

Maybe I don’t have close friends ‘cos i’m not only not good at the making-friends part of it, but maybe i’m actually someone that people just aren’t draw to, to make friends with!!
Perhaps not a pleasant thought – but one that certainly needs looking at in the interests of honesty! 😐

I’m not one for groups, teams, hobbies, sports or crafts – so that way of meeting people is out.
I also don’t still have kids at school any more, so thats not an option.
Not only would the parents at the school-gate probably feel a little ‘young’ for me, but it would just be creepy to have some old lady without a kid to pick up, hanging’ out at the school-gates, trying to talk to random people!! 😀

Work is work and whilst I have met a few people through my work whom I feel like I have ‘clicked’ with – there is still the whole ‘work’ thing about it (and often a ‘hierarchy’ thing), that just makes it feel kinda awkward – both for me and them.

Sooooo – what does one do?
How do YOU go about this whole ‘making friends’ business?

Thoughts and opinions welcome and encouraged, so please feel free to share, as I’d love to get a wealth of knowledge and opinions on this topic! 🙂

Cheers,

the mummas nightmare

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This morning started in the way no Mothers ever want it to.

A missed call on my phone before 7am, and a voice message.

Checked the voice message, and it was someone I didn’t know, telling us that our second youngest son had been in a motorbike accident.
He had been on his motorbike on the way to work, and had been hit by a car.

We live a 1 hour drive then a 5hr flight, or a 24 hour solid drive, away from where he lives.
Our stomachs lurched.

It was his boss Wayne whom had called us, and on calling him back, we found out that Wayne had seen him put into the ambulance approximately a half-hour earlier, and had briefly spoken to him prior to the ambulance heading off to the local hospital, which he gave us the name of.

At least we knew our son had been alert when he was carried off – alert enough to give the guy his Mummas phone number at least.
Good sign – hopefully…

We then rang Hospital A, where they had taken him – only to find out that he hadn’t turned up there(!!) and they suggested that he might be at Hospital B if his injuries were substantial or required immediate surgery. 😐

While this was happening, my Love was on the other phone, calling our youngest daughter who is a Doctor in an adjacent City to where our son lives and works; to see if she knew anything or could find out anything.

We then rang Hospital B, and thankfully he was there.
All they could tell us was that he had literally just arrived, and was being seen to by the doctor at that very moment, and that they wouldn’t be able to update us for at least a half-hour, possibly more.

Wayne then rang us again, in a bit of a panic as he had gone to Hospital A, and had found out that they had taken our son to the more acute care hospital further away, due to some concern that he was exhibiting signs of internal bleeding – and he wanted to let us know that he was now on the way to Hospital B.
Bless his heart!

The next few hours were pretty scary.
One feels sooo helpless when you’re far away from your babies, and you know things aren’t right with them – and theres not a damn thing you can do!

Finally we got to speak to him very briefly, and although he was groggy, and tearful (in shock!) he was in quite good spirits, but a fair bit of pain.
He had just had scans done, was awaiting results, and was being given more pain medication.

The day wore on, and we only received sketchy updates, until finally around 5pm, when we heard that he was well enough that they were going to let him go home.

Such incredible relief!!!

We spoke to him again briefly after he got home last night, and he was very sore and still very shaken – as was to be expected – and was on his way to bed.
But he had got to hold his daughter, and we know that that alone is enough to give him the strength to bounce back to full health, quickly.

We feel so very blessed and fortunate to have had the day turn out so well.

It could have gone so very very differently…
Today, we could be mourning the loss of one of our children, but instead we are feeling so very thankful and grateful that things turned out as they did!

Don’t forget to tell your kids how much you love them, and how proud you are of them – you never know when you might not get the chance to do it ever again…

i’m DONE!

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Ready to cheer me on?

I told you a week or two ago in the smoking gun post, that I was going to do it – and now here I am!!

As of last night – I am a non-smoker.
A former smoker, an ex-smoker – call it what you will.

But as of when I went to bed last night – I am deciding to not stick another cigarette in my mouth.

I’ve said this before – and I’ve caved in.
Not because I’ve particularly wanted one, and certainly not because I’ve needed one, but because I have stupidly succumbed to ‘peer pressure’ (real or imagined!) and have taken it back up again – mostly because my Love has continued smoking.

This time can not be the same as previous times.

This time it won’t be.

Because this time I’m not “giving up” anything.

The fact is that I won’t be ‘giving up’ – I’ll be gaining!

Gaining back my life, gaining back finances, gaining back some health, gaining back the ability to breathe more freely, gaining back time!

Most people don’t realise how much time that smoking sucks out of the day.
And I fully believe that thats why a lot of people restart – simply because they don’t know what to do with all the time they suddenly find on their hands – and they’ve done nothing in the lead-up to stopping smoking, to ensure that they have strategies in place to combat the feeling of ‘what do i do with myself now‘….!

Personally, I’ve spent the last two weeks working out how I will combat those moments when I’d usually go for a ciggie – because all it is, is habit!

Its a habit to have one after a meal, its a habit to have one with my coffee, its a habit to have one with a glass of wine, its a habit to have one when on the phone, its a habit to have one before bed …… every.single.stupid.cigarette is a habit.

An idiotic lethally toxic habit that is poisoning our bodies, and sending us ever more quickly closer to the grave…

But ya know what?

Not any more!

I’m done!

Feel free to cheer for me – cos I sure am 😀 😀 😀

I’m DONE with the Monster on my back!

The breakfast of a champion non-smoker

progress

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I’ve spent my “free-time Friday” this week, moving furniture around a bit within our little home.

I’ve now made room for my writing desk to go into our living room space so that it will front on to the big glass doors, which means I’ll now have a lovely view of our garden to look out on when I write, instead of only being able to see the top of the trees – which was my previous view from the dining room table – due to me being ‘horizontally challenged’ 😀

I love our garden so much – and love to take my laptop outside to write, when the weather is being kind – but of late its either been blisteringly hot, or pouring with rain – and as we don’t yet have a covered outdoor area, it means I am confined to indoors during those times.

Right now, we don’t use our lounge-room area a whole lot – its more of a winter area for us in the evenings; but when I’m home alone, I’ll often use the area for reading, otherwise it doesn’t get a lot of traffic – so I’ve been looking at ways to re-jig it, so that it not only gets more use, but is a more practical space for us.

And what better way to do that than to incorporate my writing desk into the area!

I have also been keeping a look-out at the tip-shop and the second-hand shops for a day-bed, which I will put along the wall that currently houses a huuuuuuge lounge-chair and a chest of drawers.

The drawers will move to the next wall over, and the lounge-chair will probably be sold.

We don’t use the lounge-chair, and rarely have visitors who would use it – so its just being a space-sucker!
(although our puppies may disagree with my opinions on this particular piece of furniture)

Its all a work in progress, and today I’m loving’ the progress I’ve made! 🙂

My lovely calm writing space.
You can see the view I have, in the title Image for this post 🙂

you’re not a burden

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The fact that you’re struggling doesn’t make you a burden.

It doesn’t make you unlovable or undesirable or undeserving of care.
It doesn’t make you too much or too sensitive or too needy…It makes you human.

Everyone struggles.
Everyone has a difficult time coping, and at times, we all fall apart.

During these times, we aren’t always easy to be around — and that’s okay.
No one is easy to be around one hundred percent of the time.

Yes, you may sometimes be unpleasant or difficult.
And yes, you may sometimes do or say things that make the people around you feel helpless or sad.
But those things aren’t all of who you are and they certainly don’t discount your worth as a human being.

The truth is that you can be struggling and still be loved.
You can be difficult and still be cared for.
You can be less than perfect, and still be deserving of compassion and kindness…

the smoking gun

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I am a smoker.
I won’t be in a weeks time – but today – I am.

I had my first ‘serious’ cigarette somewhere around the age of 12, and we’ve been close companions for most of the last 40+ years.

I’ve had a few times when I have quit, particularly over the last couple of years, but have taken it up again; not particularly because I wanted to – but because My Love is a smoker too – and when My Love smokes, I can’t bare to be near her, because of the smell.

Its not because it makes me yearn for a cigarette – its because it makes me want to vomit.
Literally.

For a long time I’ve been angry at My Love about the whole ‘smoking business’.

Unlike many others, My Love knows that I have a terminal lung disease.

My Love sees the constant battle that I have with breathing.
Watches as I cough until I almost can’t catch my breath.
Does physio on my back when my coughing isn’t ‘strong enough’ to clear the crap out of my airways; so that i can breathe a little easier.

My Love sees me when I am exhausted, just from getting dressed in the morning.
Sees when I take my puffer before go out the door, so that I can hopefully clear out my lungs enough before I get to work, that I won’t embarrass myself by hacking up endlessly throughout the morning.

My Love sees how quickly I get puffed out, from simple chores like making the bed, or doing the vacuuming, or bringing bags of groceries from the car.

But don’t get me wrong!!

My Love helps me every.single.day – helps to make my life easier, less stressful both physically and mentally, and helps with doing things I either can’t, or get exhausted doing.

But the thing that ‘gets’ me – that I don’t understand no matter how hard I try – is why this fiercely stubborn person – who only a few short years ago lost 30kg after getting annoyed once too often, at being overweight – gives up on quitting smoking before even giving it a red-hot proper go.

My Love researched losing weight, set the scene around the house for the best chance of success, then got super-sensible about food and some gentle movement.
Having got annoyed about being overweight – it was “game on” and there was no question about who was going to be the winner.

That ‘fat’ was goinnn’ downnnnn!!!!

And down it went.
And down it stayed, for quite a few years!

Yep – eventually my Love got a bit complacent, and work took over all of the focus, and the food-awareness slipped – but still all of the weight didn’t return.
Yep – my Love is heavier now than a few years ago – but is certainly still within a healthy range.
(& still super-delicious!!)

So WHY – when my Love knows that this is unmistakably killing me, and that its killing her too – does she continue to do it?
And why – when previously having chosen (not asked, nor forced) to go on a quit-smoking mission, has self-sabotage, deception and ultimately quitting quitting been the order of the day?

I just don’t get it….!!!

I can state without any shadow of a doubt, that there is not.one.thing that I wouldn’t give up in a heartbeat – if it meant that my Loves life or the life of my Children, might have a chance of being prolonged.

There is nothing I wouldn’t give up, if I could help to improve the health of my Spouse or my Children.

N O T H I N G ! ! !

But its me who puts each cigarette in my mouth.
Its me who goes through the ritual of striking the lighter, its me holding the flame to the end of a new cigarette, and its me who draws the smoke down into my lungs.

Cigarettes are killing me – and I am the one holding the smoking gun…

So – a week today – and I’ll be done.

A week today, I will have had my final cigarette the day before.
And a year from today – I will hopefully remember to check back in and tell you how bloody awesome I am, that I’m coming up on a year clean.

I have been journaling (hand-written) for the last week or so, in the lead-up to quitting – its kind of an ‘accountability’ thing to myself – and this was one of the pages that I did. I want work, colleagues, family, friends and every bloody body, to know – that this time round, i HAVE to win, I have to stay clean – I’m not ready to die just yet…

opinion piece: bullying?

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There has (rightfully!!) been a lot going on in the media of late – about bullying, which has been particularly spurred on by the tragic suicide of a young country girl, after being horrifically bullied by her peers.

Also in the media of late – there has much much to-do about one of our politicians Barnaby Joyce…

Now Barnaby isn’t someone I’m a fan of.

I don’t know the bloke personally – nor do I have a desire to – but I do know a fair bit about his political and personal opinions on matters, which he has bleated on about incessantly – and I do not like them, not one bit!
(to quote Cat In a Hat!)

Barnaby has recently been even more of a dick than usual. [pun not intended lol].

For those that dont know – Barnaby has been busted as having had an extra-marital affair with one of his staffers, whom is now pregnant as a result of said affair.
Barnabys marriage has dissolved, and there is an ex-wife and 4 daughters left behind as a part of this tragedy.

I whole-heartedly put my hand up as having an opinion on this, and having shared a meme (maybe even two!) that indirectly related to this matter.

But now its getting a bit beyond a ‘joke’…
Not that – I’m absolutely sure – it was ever a joke to those whom are intimately involved in this shambles!!

Now – I cant help but think its gone beyond ‘public interest’ and our ‘right to know’ about what our pollies are up to…

Now – i think that its treading a very slippery line of bullying-by-the-masses.

Theres no two ways about it.
This guy is a twit!

He has some truly idiotic personal and political views that he’s not backward in coming forward about.
He’s a public figure, and he’s our Deputy Prime-minister and as such there is definitely some accountability to be had.

He without doubt, had in inappropriate affair with a subordinate, whilst he was still married, and whilst he was seen and heard all over the media spouting off about “the sanctity of marriage”…

But this is also about his personal life, and the lives of 6 women and an unborn child whom are all a part of his inner ‘family’ circle.

While he isn’t helping himself at all as far as the media and public perception goes – and whilst I fully believe that it would be best for all concerned, including his political career; if he stepped back and quietly disappeared from public life – I do think its time that the media and others (including myself!) moved on and stopped this culture of mass-bullying…

15 nuggets

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1. You are not your body and your body is not you but you best look after each other anyway.
You might be together for a while.

2. You’ll never have more potential than you do right now, so find a way to use more of what you’ve got.

3. You think too much.

4. It’s not a time issue.
It’s a how-you-manage-your-time issue.

5. You’ll never be perfect, so aim for better.

6. You’ll never live in the future or the past, so find a way to be happy in the now.

7. Your beliefs, standards and rules will change over time so don’t get too self-righteous about your current ones.

8. Life doesn’t get better, you do.
Life is life – it will happen to you, around you and despite you.
It’s your job to get better in the middle of it all.

9. Your body is not the problem.
It’s the consequence.

10. You’ll never find yourself in things.
So stop looking there.

11. Even though you might not feel it, think it, believe it or hear it, you are good enough.

12. Your happiness works from the inside-out.
Not the other way around.

13. Things only have the meaning you give them.
Every day, you get to create your own reality.
So choose your labels wisely.

14. Nobody can take your power but you can give it away.
Master your fear and you’ll master your life.

15. Real success is not about what you earn, own, achieve or win but who you become along the way.

gettin’ closer

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Its a year on from my “one step at a time” post – and I’m reflecting a bit about where I am now as opposed to this time last year.

Some things haven’t yet changed.

I am still at my job as a Manager, I am still working three days a week, and I’m still not a full-time HouseSpouse.
YET!

A lot has change though…

We have the house in town on the market – for sale.
We have moved full-time into the FarmHouse.
We have stacks of garden beds that are flourishing with edible produce, that fills our bellies with wholesome homegrown goodness.

We have enough surplus veggies that I am able to do canning so that our pantry shelves are stocked with a variety of foods that we know the ingredients of, and I routinely make our own bread.

We have chickens that supply us with all of our own fresh eggs, and we home-cook 95% of the food we eat.

I have managed to reduce our food budget substantially.
I have also paid off a lot of credit card debt, and will hopefully have paid off the remainder of it in less than a year.

We also no longer have cable tv or home phone line payments to have to find the money for.

I have reduced my clothing spending significantly, although we are going to need to buy some new-to-us work shirts soon, as the ones we currently share are getting a bit faded and threadbare lol.

And – we’ve reduced our power and water consumption!

I may not be as close to where I want to be as I would like – but I am certainly a lot closer than I was a year ago – and for that, I’m pretty darn proud of the headway I’ve made…