wild ride




Its been a wild ride for the last few weeks, and a ride that I’m still in the midst of, and I’ve gotta say – that some of it I’m not lovin’ so much!!

I’d been starting to ‘spiral’ a bit after I last posted, but then a series of events happened that just swamped me totally, and I felt like that wild ride was taking me crashing back down through the floor…

Firstly, whilst I was seeing some small advances with our joint counselling sessions, I was feeling like the majority of any getting-ahead was happening mostly only in the sessions, and wasn’t transferring to our real-world everyday Life.
And I was feeling a bit ‘played’, by that.

Then, the State that we live in which has been suffering from the most gut-wrenching droughts, where stock had been routinely starving to death, and Farmers were walking away from their Lands in despair – was suddenly engulfed in never-before-seen ammounts of water from weeks of torrential rains, then the resulting total devastation of flash-flooding.

The majority of the stock that Farmers had been able to hand-feed and keep alive – were washed away and drowned, and the Farmers have been left with mass piles of stinking rotting carcasses to try and bury / dispose of.

Some of our family members were in the path of that flooding, with our eldest daughter having to evacuate and her home being inundated with mud and water over a metre deep – which destroyed almost all of their belongings, including precious photo albums.

And then…

And then a friends husband tragically died in a freak accident, leaving her and her two small children shell-shocked and (obviously!) devastated.

The crazy circumstance of his death, his young age, the ‘unfairness’ of it all, sent my already wobbly emotions right over the edge!

I knew it was time for a solo check-in with my counsellor, and she thankfully managed to fit me in on fairly short notice.

I think I spent most of that hour sobbing.

But there were a few things that floated to the surface for me, that I recognised were of importance to me and needed to be ‘dealt with’, in some way…

The first was about the old adage of the days being long, but Life being short – and this one hits me more and more in the face, as each day, week, month, year passes.

We have one short, important, glorious, fucked-up, amazing, beautiful Life, which is gone before you can barely blink – and in some cases, is over with before it’s even properly begun.
This also becomes even more obvious on a daily basis, when you have a life-limiting illness…

The second thing was – that I have the right to make certain (reasonable) demands of people and to have and impose boundaries around how I am treated, and that it’s ok to not put up with being treated in a way that I find less-than-acceptable or inappropriate.

That evening, My Love and I had a big talk.
Wellllll – in all honesty, I did the majority of the talking – in amongst a pile of sobbing, sniffling and tears!

I laid out how I was feeling, as best I could, and explained in brief what I felt I needed.

Two nights later, my Love initiated a conversation.

It was a conversation of plans and intentions – and I’ve heard it a number of times before, but I am willing once again to see if this time around the intention will ’stick’, or if it will just fade away as it has before…

At only about 10 days in, we had our next joint counselling session.

I was in the midsts of telling our counsellor a very broad overview of what had been going on, and was explaining that although we were only 10 days in from the conversation that had been initiated by My Love, that I was feeling hopeful, and more trusting and respectful toward My Love, when our counsellor asked if she could know what the conversation had actually been about.

My Love said “no – not at the moment”, and it felt (to me) like that was right about the moment that the session came to a stand-still.

Our counsellor – bless her heart – tried to move it along, but everything after that was just superficial chit-chat.

At the close of the session, she reminded us that we needed to revisit our conversations and to keep having them, even though it would be hard work and uncomfortable for us both.

We agreed.

That was just over 2 weeks ago.

I’ve sent My Love an email about our session – but I’ve had no response.

And there have been no further conversations…

opinion piece: bullying?


There has (rightfully!!) been a lot going on in the media of late – about bullying, which has been particularly spurred on by the tragic suicide of a young country girl, after being horrifically bullied by her peers.

Also in the media of late – there has much much to-do about one of our politicians Barnaby Joyce…

Now Barnaby isn’t someone I’m a fan of.

I don’t know the bloke personally – nor do I have a desire to – but I do know a fair bit about his political and personal opinions on matters, which he has bleated on about incessantly – and I do not like them, not one bit!
(to quote Cat In a Hat!)

Barnaby has recently been even more of a dick than usual. [pun not intended lol].

For those that dont know – Barnaby has been busted as having had an extra-marital affair with one of his staffers, whom is now pregnant as a result of said affair.
Barnabys marriage has dissolved, and there is an ex-wife and 4 daughters left behind as a part of this tragedy.

I whole-heartedly put my hand up as having an opinion on this, and having shared a meme (maybe even two!) that indirectly related to this matter.

But now its getting a bit beyond a ‘joke’…
Not that – I’m absolutely sure – it was ever a joke to those whom are intimately involved in this shambles!!

Now – I cant help but think its gone beyond ‘public interest’ and our ‘right to know’ about what our pollies are up to…

Now – i think that its treading a very slippery line of bullying-by-the-masses.

Theres no two ways about it.
This guy is a twit!

He has some truly idiotic personal and political views that he’s not backward in coming forward about.
He’s a public figure, and he’s our Deputy Prime-minister and as such there is definitely some accountability to be had.

He without doubt, had in inappropriate affair with a subordinate, whilst he was still married, and whilst he was seen and heard all over the media spouting off about “the sanctity of marriage”…

But this is also about his personal life, and the lives of 6 women and an unborn child whom are all a part of his inner ‘family’ circle.

While he isn’t helping himself at all as far as the media and public perception goes – and whilst I fully believe that it would be best for all concerned, including his political career; if he stepped back and quietly disappeared from public life – I do think its time that the media and others (including myself!) moved on and stopped this culture of mass-bullying…


Tough times…


It’s been a bit of a long difficult week…

It’s 11 days ciggie free, which has been nice.
And the breathing has been soooo much better!!
Actually, I don’t recall any time in the last week or so, that I’ve really been all that breathless – and that includes getting ready for work.

I haven’t even needed that 10 minute ‘recovery’ time, before leaving the house!!
Pretty amazing – and I just need to keep reminding myself of that.

That hasn’t been why it’s been a difficult week though…

It’s been a difficult time, because we haven’t been paying enough attention to our Marriage this year.
It has just been allowed to slip off the list of priorities, I guess…

Back in February, I actually went away by myself for 36hrs (overnight), to give myself a little breathing and thinking space.

That might not be long for the average person, but for this lil house-hermit, it’s quite a feat of bravery!

I felt better for having done it – as I really was at a breaking point emotionally.

The night I got home, we both cried a lot, and talked a lot – and it felt good to hear, and say some stuff – but in the weeks and months that followed, things just continued on as they always have.

The inroads we made that night, faded away – the walls went back up, and as for me – I feel like I’ve just become overwhelmed and have given up, and shut-down.
not a good place to be in.

So – this morning we met up at the park over a coffee.

We both did some talking, both did some listening, both did some crying…

I don’t know if we are going to manage to make any changes, but I have to try and have faith that we can, and will.

My Wife, this Marriage – they are the most important things in my Life to me… 💕

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