irons in the fire

 

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I feel like I have a million irons in the fire right now – and I’m going to need to be super-diligent of how I schedule my Life and time over the next couple of weeks, otherwise I know that I am going to seriously deplete my already low energy reserves, and end up being a gibbering, anxiety-ridden mess – who cant get anything accomplished! Continue reading “irons in the fire”

making friends

 

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Friends – thats todays subject!
Is it just me, or do others find it incredibly hard to make super-close friends?

I have a lot of people that I know that I can go have a cuppa, a meal, a wine etc with, or that I chat to with some regularity, but usually on a fairly superficial level – but I have no-one that I honestly feel I could share anything+everything with.

I know a part of it is my reticence to be truely vulnerable with people, particularly after two incidents when i thought i had made a close friend – only to find that the friendship wasn’t what i believed it to be – and i got very hurt in the process…

Throughout school (and we’re still friends to this day actually!) I had a wonderful friend Helen that knew every secret I held.
Knew me probably almost better than I knew myself at that age! lol
We can still pick up where we last left off with none of that awful awkwardness, and I would trust telling her anything – but the sad reality is – that we only catch up every few years – so there isn’t that daily / weekly opportunity…

In my 20’s I had another wonderful friend Caroline – who I spoke to every.single.day – and spent a lot of precious time with, and we aways had each others back.
That woman kept my sanity intact for a lotta years(!!) – but then I moved away, and we just seemed to slip away from each other…

Fast forward and here I am in my 50’s.

I had one brief friendship that meant a lot to me, that was ‘blossoming’, when I was in my mid-forties, but then she moved away – and it just sort of moved on without the necessary contact that close friendships take…

And these day I just don’t quite know how one gets to that place of going from a casual acquaintance / friend, to being someone who is really close!!

I know it takes an investment of time – and of course a certain amount of trust, vulnerability and faith – but how does one know just when the time is, that its safe to roll out those parts of you?

What if you think you like someone enough to be a friend, and then you have a few coffee ‘dates’, a few chats, maybe a lunch or two, and you get to thinking “naaaaaa – this just isn’t my kind of person” – how do you then dial it back without appearing rude, when up until then you’d been willing to invest the time, just in case this was going to be a friendship that worked out?
(and YES – I’m very aware that it might be me, who isn’t someone else idea of ‘the right person!)

How do you even know that you’re capable of being a decent friend?

Maybe I don’t have close friends ‘cos i’m not only not good at the making-friends part of it, but maybe i’m actually someone that people just aren’t draw to, to make friends with!!
Perhaps not a pleasant thought – but one that certainly needs looking at in the interests of honesty! 😐

I’m not one for groups, teams, hobbies, sports or crafts – so that way of meeting people is out.
I also don’t still have kids at school any more, so thats not an option.
Not only would the parents at the school-gate probably feel a little ‘young’ for me, but it would just be creepy to have some old lady without a kid to pick up, hanging’ out at the school-gates, trying to talk to random people!! 😀

Work is work and whilst I have met a few people through my work whom I feel like I have ‘clicked’ with – there is still the whole ‘work’ thing about it (and often a ‘hierarchy’ thing), that just makes it feel kinda awkward – both for me and them.

Sooooo – what does one do?
How do YOU go about this whole ‘making friends’ business?

Thoughts and opinions welcome and encouraged, so please feel free to share, as I’d love to get a wealth of knowledge and opinions on this topic! 🙂

Cheers,

Sarah

gettin’ closer

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Its a year on from my “one step at a time” post – and I’m reflecting a bit about where I am now as opposed to this time last year.

Some things haven’t yet changed.

I am still at my job as a Manager, I am still working three days a week, and I’m still not a full-time HouseSpouse.
YET!

A lot has change though…

We have the house in town on the market – for sale.
We have moved full-time into the FarmHouse.
We have stacks of garden beds that are flourishing with edible produce, that fills our bellies with wholesome homegrown goodness.

We have enough surplus veggies that I am able to do canning so that our pantry shelves are stocked with a variety of foods that we know the ingredients of, and I routinely make our own bread.

We have chickens that supply us with all of our own fresh eggs, and we home-cook 95% of the food we eat.

I have managed to reduce our food budget substantially.
I have also paid off a lot of credit card debt, and will hopefully have paid off the remainder of it in less than a year.

We also no longer have cable tv or home phone line payments to have to find the money for.

I have reduced my clothing spending significantly, although we are going to need to buy some new-to-us work shirts soon, as the ones we currently share are getting a bit faded and threadbare lol.

And – we’ve reduced our power and water consumption!

I may not be as close to where I want to be as I would like – but I am certainly a lot closer than I was a year ago – and for that, I’m pretty darn proud of the headway I’ve made…

Sarah

busy-ness

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Its been a couple of weeks since my last update – and a lot has been happening about the place…

The Wedding has come and gone – and yes – of course, is was beautiful, wonderful, emotional – and our youngest daughter and her husband are currently off Continue reading “busy-ness”

gettin’ stuff done!

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I’ve been back to the house in town today, and have done some mega cleaning.

All the floors have been vacuumed, and some of them mopped.
The kitchen sink is sparkling like new and all the kitchen benches and the breakfast bar have been cleared and cleaned.

I have tidied up the front room / office, staged some furniture, pruned the houseplant and vacuumed up all the spider-webs.

I pulled all the furniture away from the walls on the patio, swept down all the walls, and vacuumed up all the spiders and their associated webs, then swept the patio tiles, mopped up some marks, wiped down the tables, and repositioned the furniture.
I even managed to get all the stairs and pathway swept, and the houseplant out there also got a bit of a haircut in the midst of it all.

The main bedroom is closed off so that the cats can’t get in, and there are only two bits of stripping that need completion in the spare bedroom, and then some touchup paintwork on those bits.
The 2nd bedroom is fine how it is.

Once our youngest daughters wedding is done & dusted, and all the various family members have gone back to their different corners of the country, I will empty the kitchen cupboards and drawers, and the pantry – but the kids will be staying in the house from this Wednesday onward, until Sunday or Monday – so it won’t be until next week that I can get to that.

The big bathroom has had the the last of the stripping and gapping done, and there are just a few paint touch-ups needed in there too, but the smaller bathroom just needs a wipe over and the shower recess needs a final scrub, but I’ll wait for next week to do that bit – cos the visiting kids are bound to make a mess!

I’m now back at the Farm, and have a pile of laundry to get through, as I didn’t do any washing over the weekend.

I’m hoping to get to whipper-snipping around the raised beds out near where we park the cars done while the washing-machine is doing its thing – but right now I’m waiting for a phone call that I don’t want to miss – and phone reception is a bit hit & miss at the best of times, but gets markedly worse the further you move away from the FarmHouse where the booster-box for the mobile signal is, so for now i’ll just hang around inside and get some chores done in here…

The whole Farm was mowed again over the weekend.
My Darling doesn’t find it quite as funny as I do, but the ‘clean green slate’ only lasts about 2 hours before the yellow woodsorrel (oxalis stricta) that is in plague proportions amongst the grass, throws up a whole pile of new flowers – so the entire paddock is just a sea of glorious little golden flowers.

It really is very pretty, but drives My Love demented, as by the next morning its back to looking unmown. lol
I can’t help but laugh – every.single.time!! 😀
🌼🌼🌼🌼

Go slow and enjoy the day Folks,
Sarah

today…

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Today is different.

Today I got out of bed quite well rested.
I had a really decent sleep last night, because it rained through the night, and i always sleep soooo much better when it rains.

I have also taken a fortnight off work – which actually winds up being 18 days – so that is a big load of stress gone off my back for the time being!!

And to top it off, I also slept well because My Love & I came to a very important decision last night, Continue reading “today…”

an update!

Its hard to fathom that its already been a month since the horror of not knowing if my Family was safe, following Hurricane Irma.

It was just over 48hrs after the hurricane swept through Tortola, before we finally heard that our Nephew, his family and two small children were safe – and another agonising 36hrs before we heard that my sister was also safe, and had managed to walk for miles – through what was basically a war-zone, to be reunited with them.

The relief when I finally heard my sisters voice on the other end of the phone line, was beyond description, and I hadn’t realise just how “wound-up” I’d been, until the exhaustion hit the following day, and I ended up getting sick, which we figured was probably a reaction to the stress I’d been under.

That whole business of remaining stoic during the crisis – and then falling into a puddle after its all over, type business.
Yep – thats exactly what I did!!

I ended up having 2 days off work – mental health days – to get myself back together, to sleep, and to just ‘heal’ from all that had gone on.

I’ve been putting in as much time as I can on my days off (which is usually about 3 hours at a time), into getting the house in town more prepared for finally being ready to go on the market.
I’ve got the majority of the painting done, and the general clean-up, and just have some touch-ups to do, the fridge cavity to paint, and the front room to clean properly, and I’ll have done most of the stuff that I am able to do by my self.

I need my Love to get a few chores done – and the chain has been being dragged there a bit.
I get that its a shitty job, and that motivation is lacking – I feel exactly the same way – but unfortunately we don’t have the money to get someone else in to do it – so we just need to suck it up, do what we gotta do – and get this proverbial bloody noose from around our necks!
There is no easy way out of this! (dammit!)

Earlier in the year, when tickets were first released, we managed to score two passes to the Elton John concert that was coming to the near-by City, in September.
We’d pretty much forgotten all about it, until the media hype surrounding the event sparked up and reminded us – so last weekend, off we trundled to the concert.

It was really good, and he can still belt out a song as well if not better than he ever could – and for ¾ of the concert, I was having a lovely time.
We had a great view of the stage, and were pretty much almost close enough to smell his sweat!

Then, at the ¾ mark, the security whom had been soooo good up until that point, decided to let the crowds that had been at the back of the stadium, surge down to the front.

Let me tell you – when there is a 25,000 strong crowd of people, surging around you – its more than a little overwhelming!!

For the last ¼, of the concert – my anxiety kicked in big time, and I think at the time, that I was pretty sure I was going to die in that Stadium!!!
I don’t think there was much at all that I heard of the last quarter – and what was going on for me, was a rush of adrenalin surging through me, that translated to the whoosh of a jet-engine inside my head.
It wasn’t nice….

Once the concert was over – getting out of the Stadium was surprisingly uncomplicated, and the congestion wasn’t too bad at all.
Unfortunately we then had a two hour wait, standing in a very slow moving line, to get a cab back to our hotel.
And apart from some of the foul-mouthed idiots that were in the line behind us – it was actually a relatively painless process!

I’m still going to the Physio on an almost weekly basis – and have had a bit of a back-slide in the last fortnight, which was exacerbated by the concert weekend, and spending so long sitting in a hard plastic chair, and then another couple of hours of standing in line for the cab.
So my body is having a bit of a flare-up at the moment, and the pain-levels have kicked up a notch or three.

Thankfully its nowhere even close to the pain I was in earlier in the year – but its been a frustrating reminder that I will never be truely ‘over’ this stuff, and its just a case of managing the condition as best I can, with help from the professionals…

I did get a bit of sad news last week during my Physio session though.
My Physio girl is going on an around-the-country adventure, and has resigned, and will be leaving as of the end of next week.

She has helped me so amazing much over the last eight months, that a part of me is a little bit scared of her leaving…
I’ll be moving over to another Physio in the same practice – whom I’ve seen numerous times and have a decent rapport with – but a part of me has come to rely on the ‘genius’ that my current girl has been.
She has made such an incredible difference to my abilities and pain levels over the previous months, that I can’t help but wonder how it will all go without her ‘by my side’, cheering me along.

I am incredibly excited for her though.
She is a wonderful young woman, with the world at her feet – and she should be going out there and grabbing every opportunity she can, with both hands.

Today – I had my first full day at home in a verrrry long time.
I didn’t go to work, I didn’t go to the house in town, I didn’t have to leave the Farm for anything – I just got to stay home all day – and it was BLISS!!

My Love had to go to work til about 1pm – so I was home-alone for the morning, to revel in it to the full!

I did laundry, had a solo breakfast whilst reading one of my favourite books, rearranged my closet, packed away most of the winter clothing, took the heavy blanket off the bed, did dishes, tidied the kitchen, and all the while listening to some of my favourite podcasts.
It was just sooo incredibly good for my soul – and a day that I desperately needed.

I’ve also had a birthday in the last month, and got a beautiful dinner cooked for me, and a relaxing evening spent at home with my Love, just being fed and generally pampered…

On the work front, we have a new member of Management starting next week.
A position that has been empty for the last two years, due to us not being able to find a suitable candidate to fill the position – so fingers crossed that it works out well, and takes some of the load off the rest of us who have been doing the duties of the position in the interim.

I’m a bit concerned that we have been doing those duties for so long now, that there won’t be enough of a ‘shifting’ of the duties to ease the load much – but I need to go into this with an open mind, and trust that the right thing will happen, and that the stress of the last few years will be relieved at least a little…

A bit of excitement happened this week.
Our neighbours on the northern side went for a day trip up to the rainforest, and while they were there visited a small intensive farm, that grew vanilla, amongst other things.
It seems that while they were there, the experience of what could be done on a relatively small parcel of land – lit an incredibly wonderful fire of enthusiasm into the man-of-the house, and he came home full of plans, eagerness and green type ideas of what he could accomplish on his own 1ac block – and a burning desire to learn everything he could about permaculture, gardening, food-forests and the like.

So this morning, I loaded up a hard-drive with ebooks, shows and various interesting links, and added a couple of all-rounder type books from our bookcase to the parcel, and handed it over the fence for him to dip in to.
He was pretty excited by it all – and headed off inside with his booty.
Hopefully he’ll enjoy it, cos for me the excitement is in having someone right next door to share knowledge, resources and a joy of this type of mind-set!!

We’ll be getting a couple of new-to-us unwanted hens in a couple of weeks, so it will be a learning curve of integrating them with our two bantams Jac & Izzy.
Hopefully will all go smoothly, and they’ll be happy to live together.

Despite the heat and dry of the last couple of week, the gardens are flourishing, but its looking a bit like we might lose two of the trees we planted a few weeks back.
They’re struggling a bit at the moment, so we’ve been giving them some extra care – but only time will tell if we can nurse them through this rough time that they’re currently having. Fingers crossed!!

Well – its Sunday which means my Love and I get to spend the day together getting some jobs around the Farm done – so I’d best get on with it and “do stuff“!!

Have a great week all.
And remember – sharing is caring… 🙂 you never know who of your friends might be interested in the Adventure!
I hope you do 🙂

Until next time – have a good one and look after YOU!
Sarah

Eggs from our girls – Jac & Izzy.

 

Making laundry liquid with soap left-overs.

 

Elton John in concert.

 

Kipfler potatoes shooting.

 

Left-overs for lunch. Lamb korma on toast. YUM!

 

Our garden giving us some lurvvvve. Beautiful tomatoes.

 

reflection

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On reflection – the other day, I was shown a perfect example of how I know I’ve changed over the last couple of years.
I had to go into town to do some shopping and plus a Physio appointment, but I was also going to the house in town prior to all that, to do some cleaning up.

I was halfway to town when I realised Continue reading “reflection”

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