~living this beautiful messy life~
Strength doesn’t come from what you can do;
it comes from overcoming the things you once thought you couldn’t do.
When you are at your lowest point,
you are open to the greatest positive change.
Happiness is not the absence of problems,
but the strength to deal with them.
The strongest people are the ones who feel pain,
accept it,
learn from it,
and fight through it.
They turn their wounds into wisdom….
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It was a bit of a shit ending to 2017 for me…
I somehow managed to put my back out again – whilst getting up from the toilet.
How does that even happen!?!?
I spent that day being pretty damn teary and miserable – I didn’t feel like I could go through another few months of being bed bound and rehabbing all over again – but then of course, if this isn’t just a short term flare-up, I don’t have any damn choice in the matter, other than to start back at square one!
Theres also the issue of finances…
My Love has just changed jobs, and needs to re-build her contacts, and get some Sales back under her belt so that the income is back to ‘incoming’, and of course the old employer hasn’t been at all forthcoming with information to her customers when they ring up to get a hold of her – which whilst i know is definitely well within their right, and is totally expected – but it still feels kinda shitty (& petty)…
At the same time – even though the income isn’t what it usually is – the out-goings remain as they were prior to the move, and my part of the income is definitely needed right now, just so that we can eat – so a period of enforced time away from my work and the associated pay-cheque – scares the living daylights outta me!!
Its now almost a month since that happened, and I have been back at physio, had a fortnight of half-days again, at work, and am slowly on the improve.
Its a mentally difficult thing having it in the back of your mind every.single.moment of every.single.day – that at any moment, I could be laid up indefinitely…!
I don’t want to live every aspect of my life being super-careful, but i also know I cant just jump right on in and do everything that i either want to do, or have always done.
Its all a matter of learning and respecting my own limitations.
Not an easy thing – and something I know i will slip up with from time to time – but I’m trying to be sensible!!
One day at a time…
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In Part 2 we’re ready to talk more about those other things on the list in my previous post, namely: clothing, takeaways (food/coffee), cigarettes/alcohol, car expenses, meals, hairdresser / hair products / mani-pedis, social events and growing-your-own.
So – lets get into it!! Continue reading “the murky depths [2]”
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Today is different.
Today I got out of bed quite well rested.
I had a really decent sleep last night, because it rained through the night, and i always sleep soooo much better when it rains.
I have also taken a fortnight off work – which actually winds up being 18 days – so that is a big load of stress gone off my back for the time being!!
And to top it off, I also slept well because My Love & I came to a very important decision last night, Continue reading “today…”
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I only work three days a week – Tues, Wed, Thurs – so I am lucky in that I get a four-day weekend.
In theory…
But these days – my work environment ramps up my anxiety like almost nothing else – so after those three days, I spend Friday pretty much uncoiling from thorough mental, physical and emotion exhaustion.
At least ½ of the day is over, before I start to feel even vaguely like ME!
Come Monday, although I try to schedule my day so that I am relatively busy and not giving myself too much time to think – I can still feel that no-so-subtle tightening in my chest and belly, as the anxiety begins to percolate deep inside of me – with the knowledge that tomorrow I have to go back to work…
Anxiety is such a futile, debilitating waste of time – and I gotta tell you – it SHITS ME OFF!!
[ohhhh for a magic wand…]
We’ve had some storms over the last few days, with good torrential downpours, so today while the ground is still nice and soft and the sun is shining, I am going to plant out some of the potted stuff from our nursery, rather than having to put them into bigger pots.
That will calm my soul!
At least for a little while…
How do YOU handle your anxiety?
A great article about anxiety can be found at “The Mighty“.
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I’m having a bit of a ‘comparison’ dilemma at the moment and whilst I know that comparing oneself to others is never a healthy or helpful thing – I’m just not quite sure how to get it “out of my system”…
It makes it that much harder – because the person I am making the comparison with, is my Love.
My Love is 5 years older than me, and is a healthy happy vibrant person, who loves Continue reading “comparisons”
After yesterdays mammoth post, I thought today would just be a ‘quickie’ 🙂
Sometimes – just cleaning up and sorting out a small corner of your home, can make a huge difference to how you feel about the rest of the day.
I had had one of those mornings where I came back to the Farm feeling pretty crappy, frustrated and annoyed. Continue reading “a quickie”
What a wonderful way to start my ‘me-time Monday’..! Continue reading “me-time Monday”
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On reflection – the other day, I was shown a perfect example of how I know I’ve changed over the last couple of years.
I had to go into town to do some shopping and plus a Physio appointment, but I was also going to the house in town prior to all that, to do some cleaning up.
I was halfway to town when I realised Continue reading “reflection”
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I came across the photo at the end of this post today – and it really resonated with me.
Not because I needed someone to listen to me – but because I needed to listen to someone…. Continue reading “chaos”
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