o0o
When you’re feeling a bit flat, one of the very best therapies is to get outside.
If you can plant something and immerse your hands in the dirt, it makes Continue reading “feeling flat?”
Tag: calm
mega update
o0o
So here I am – officially over 3 months unemployed!!
Its time for a bit more of an in-depth run-down of what Life has been like for me for the last three months – so I’m going to break it down into sections to help me arrange my thoughts a little better…
You better grab a cuppa Continue reading “mega update”
huuuge changes
o0o
Its six weeks since I last posted.
Six weeks since the event that changed my dear friends Life forever – in ways that I can barely begin to imagine.
Its also 6 weeks in which my Life has changed – because of the hideous heartbreak my friend has had to endure…
Only an hour into my first day back at work Continue reading “huuuge changes”
lessons
o0o
Again – it feels like the Universe is throwing me yet another lesson – because no matter how many it has thrown me in the last couple of years – I keep pushing the lessons to the side – and blindly bumbling on – seemingly oblivious to what is trying to be taught to me.
I hope this season that I am in right now – isn’t yet another lesson I will push to the side and ignore – for I know what the lesson is, and I know what is required of me to move toward that which I need to be doing – but still I hold off – perhaps paralysed Continue reading “lessons”
negative headspace
o0o
I feel so at odds of late.
In the quiet times when I am by myself, and I am able to spend time being introspective – I can see that I am in a season of a very negative headspace – and have been unable to shift it…
I teeter between feelings of anger, disappointment, hurt, overwhelm, being used, sadness, irritation, being taken for granted, feeling unappreciated, cranky and just plain ole miserable!
The only times I don’t have tears welling in my eyes, Continue reading “negative headspace”
wild ride 2
o0o
In part one of wild ride, I explained about some of the stuff that’s been going on for me of late, but the update was getting a bit long-winded, so here we are with part 2!
Over the last 6 months, my breathing has been getting worse – I have a regular irritating dry cough, and there are changes to my voice.
I’ve been putting off going to the Dr – basically because I knew I was getting worse, and didn’t really want to face that fact.
However last week it was finally time…
When I made the appointment, it was also planned that I would have an updated spirometry done whilst I was there.
So the day arrived, and I trotted off and did my spirometry, then went in to see my Dr.
My results weren’t brilliant, and my spirometry is now showing that I’ve gone from having a ‘moderate’ breathing issue, to it being ‘severe’.
My Dr advised that I needed to have xrays done, and that I needed to go to the city to see the Respiratory Specialist.
So I left with instructions in hand, and later that day went to the local hospital to have my xrays.
Not long after I got home, the Specialist telephoned me to say that they had an opening available on the March 7th – so I’ve taken it, and now need to wait to see what happens next.
Gotta say – I’m a lil worried – but am hoping for the best, obviously…!
difficult talks
o0o
It’s been a while since my last post (about 6 weeks or so), and I apologize if you’ve missed me – although it is the season for most people of busy-ness and stress – so it’s probably the case that you haven’t even noticed I haven’t been around…! :))
In days blog, I’m going to talk about arguing, difficult talks, and communication in general…
Not arguing isn’t a sign that you and your Spouse are deliriously happy with each other Continue reading “difficult talks”
southbound again
o0o
SO…here I am once again sitting at the airport, waiting to get on a flight and I’m southbound again to go and help with tidying up yet more affairs of my deceased Mumma and her very-much-alive Hubby (TnT) – who is now in Aged Care.
Its been a pretty stressful time for the last fortnight, with the house having gone on the market, selling really quite quickly, then T initially not wanting to sign the contract, but eventually signing it, and then after the house became unconditional, he refused to sign Continue reading “southbound again”
mini vacay
o0o
It’s different being away from home and being in someone elses home.
It’s a cross between a mini vacation and at times not quite knowing what to do with myself – then realising that I don’t actually have to BE doing anything with myself!
The downside though is – that apart from missing my Love – is that she is back there doing all the final moving of the bits and pieces that are still at the house in town, and I feel really shit about her having to do that without me helping – however minimal that is some days…
It’s also very weird for me to be so far away from home by myself – it’s just not something i DO!
My brother and sister in law actually live about a half hour out of town, so any time you want anything its a fairly mammoth effort to go to the store.
Which is something that I really like – but having been out of the habit of that pre-thinking, being that we now live so close to town, you get out of the habit of thinking of and getting everything you need or want, in one trip!
I didn’t go into the aged care home today to see Tony (my Mamas husband), as my sister was going to take him to church to see some of his mates, and church really isn’t my type of thing to be doing on a beautiful sunny Sunday morning, so I figured it was best if she just headed in on her own.
I ended up going into town as I wanted to get my brother and his wife a very belated housewarming present, that would be (hopefully) something that they would find was useful – and something I personally use about 5 times a week.
So off I went to ‘the big smoke’ and quickly found what I was looking for – which was an “Instant Pot”.
Well, it’s not actually the instant pot brand – but it does all the same things.
You can sauté, slow-cook, pressure cook, do rice, pasta and baking all in these little magicians – and we just love ours so much that we actually have two at home! lol
Right now – I am sitting on the verandah, home alone – overlooking miles of uncluttered farmland and the only sound other than the birds, is a neighbours generator, thunking away rhythmically in the distance…
Its pretty nice I gotta say!
Looking over the paddocks.
The full blood moon rising.
1st session
o0o
Well the poor counsellor probably needed a bex and a lie-down after she had finished her first hour with me the other day!
It was pretty much like shaking up a coke bottle then flipping off the lid.
A whole damn lot of built-up stuff just came spewing forth filling up every spare space in the room.
The counsellor was a lovely lady and despite me having a panic attack on the way to the appointment – as I wasn’t sure I was in the right building or even in the right waiting room and I was almost late, which always riles me up no end – but once I was settled in on the little couch in her office, I quickly felt comfortable with her, and didn’t feel wary, judged or too vulnerable to be able to feel like I couldn’t speak freely.
All good signs.
Session #1 was pretty much a brief overview of birth to now, and as she said, she could see why I was feeling a little overwhelmed right now – and I think was a little surprised that I hadn’t got to the point of overwhelm long before now!
It was sort of funny watching her try and work out our family dynamics, and even funnier knowing that thus far, she only has the dynamics of my birth family, and my marriage and kids – we haven’t managed to get into any of the nitty gritty yet – like how my best friend is actually My Loves ex-husband! lol
That conversation should be extra entertaining :)))
Following the appointment I had to go back to work, which I had been unsure about prior to the appointment whether I was going to be able to do or not; as I figured that it was going to be an emotionally draining event, and I unsure of how I would feel after it.
Although I was incredibly drained, I felt mentally ok enough with going back to work, so I did – which ended up being fine, as I was incredibly busy for the rest of the day and therefore didn’t have time to dwell or think too much on what my morning had been like…
Needless to say probably, but I was emotionally exhausted by evening, but still managed to get more done when I got home from work than I had managed in the last couple of weeks.
I decided to take the next day off work, as not only was I still processing, but I had to fly out the day after as I was flying to Brisbane, hiring a car and then driving 2hrs north to meet up with family who didn’t know I was coming – and I wanted to get everything sorted at the Farm for while I was away, do some grocery shopping so that my Love didn’t starve to death, and get my bag packed.
I had only planned for carryon baggage, which limits me to 7kg, and with my laptop and charger already coming in at 2kg, that doesn’t leave a whole lot of wiggle room for everything else that needed including!
The amazing thing was though – that the day following my first session, I actually felt the best that I have felt since before I went to New Zealand.
So here I am now at my brother and sister-in-laws place, with a pile of family members; and we have spent the day firstly with my sister and I going and seeing my mothers husband at the aged care home – which was supremely taxing – and then she and I going to their house where we met up with the brothers, and dealing with the cleaning and just generally airing the place out ready for the real estate agent to come through and meet with us on Monday about listing the house for sale.
Its been a really tiring day and the introvert in me is squirming rather a big bit at having all these people around me 24/7 – and of course being away from my Love and being in a strange bed I am not sleeping terribly well – but it is nice to be surrounded by cuddly rellies that I don’t get to see very often – but I’ll still be super-glad to be back with my darling!
Oh – and the next appointment with my counsellor is the day after I get back – so that probably going to end up being perfect timing…