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Recently – I have felt myself spiraling in panic.
This is not a ‘new’ sensation for me.
When parts of my life are not running smoothly and for some reason, Continue reading “the blur”
Tag: work
irons in the fire
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I feel like I have a million irons in the fire right now – and I’m going to need to be super-diligent of how I schedule my Life and time over the next couple of weeks, otherwise I know that I am going to seriously deplete my already low energy reserves, and end up being a gibbering, anxiety-ridden mess – who cant get anything accomplished! Continue reading “irons in the fire”
making friends part 2
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So after talking about how difficult making friends is – and how bloody rubbish I am at it – a strange thing happened the week before last…
I had two ‘coffee dates’!!
One Friday – one the following Monday.
The one on Friday was the second time I have had coffee with this person, who for the purpose of lessening confusion, we’ll call Person A.
At that stage, I was still in the “i don’t know if she’s my kinda people” stage of things, and whilst there was a lot about her that gelled with my ethos etc, I just wasn’t fully convinced that this was going to be a worthwhile investment for either her or me….
The following Mondays coffee date was someone I have known for quite a number of years. (yep, Person B)
We originally met at work, and these days we work pretty much parallel to one another.
She’s someone that I don’t spend any real social time with usually, but that I do trust to keep my confidences anyways…
Sooooo – I was talking with her about my recent ponderings on ‘friendships’ and how difficult I find them to navigate them, and she is very much in the same boat, as we are both hermits-by-choice outside of work.
I went on to tell her about the two coffee dates that I had had with Person A, and was giving her a run-down of what had transpired on each ‘date’, when I noticed her face was looking more and more incredulous.
And as I was talking, and actually listening to myself talk – I was putting these two seperate events with the same person, into one almost-combined story, and it gave me such an incredible dose of clarity that it actually had me quite gob-smacked for the rest of the day!!
You see, when events happen separately, we tend to tell people about them separately.
For example, each time I had had coffee with Person A, I had come home and told my Love all about it.
What we did, what was said, all the sort of waffley stuff you talk to your Spouse about…
But these coffee dates were a couple of weeks apart, so me giving my Love a rundown of the mornings were obviously also a couple of weeks apart.
But when I was talking to Person B about them, I was telling her about the two events all at once.
And boy oh boy – did that make things sound a whole lot different to my ears, to what I had previously thought I was thinking!!
It was an amazing epiphany – and I think there was even the whole ‘parting of the clouds with rays of sunshine shining through‘ to go with it!!!
Anyways – the upshot of it all is this:
I am going to be brave!
I’m going to be ‘investing‘ in Person B – I’m going to be vulnerable and raw and honest – and all I can hope for is that I come out the end of it with the friend that I think is waiting there for me – and not with feelings of regret and wariness or a whole new level of being reserved and guarded instead…
Wish me luck please!
todays view
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Todays view isn’t too shabby, I just gotta say!
I might need to be getting some work done today, and being that its Saturday – it’s ‘traditionally’ the day that I try and get a lot of my inside chores done – but also a day that I try and get some writing accomplished, as well as some podcast-listening squished in there as well.
All this is – of course – washed down with liberal amounts of coffee. lol
Anyways – just thought I’d share, because this is most definitely one of my happy places!
progress
I’ve spent my “free-time Friday” this week, moving furniture around a bit within our little home.
I’ve now made room for my writing desk to go into our living room space so that it will front on to the big glass doors, which means I’ll now have a lovely view of our garden to look out on when I write, instead of only being able to see the top of the trees – which was my previous view from the dining room table – due to me being ‘horizontally challenged’ 😀
I love our garden so much – and love to take my laptop outside to write, when the weather is being kind – but of late its either been blisteringly hot, or pouring with rain – and as we don’t yet have a covered outdoor area, it means I am confined to indoors during those times.
Right now, we don’t use our lounge-room area a whole lot – its more of a winter area for us in the evenings; but when I’m home alone, I’ll often use the area for reading, otherwise it doesn’t get a lot of traffic – so I’ve been looking at ways to re-jig it, so that it not only gets more use, but is a more practical space for us.
And what better way to do that than to incorporate my writing desk into the area!
I have also been keeping a look-out at the tip-shop and the second-hand shops for a day-bed, which I will put along the wall that currently houses a huuuuuuge lounge-chair and a chest of drawers.
The drawers will move to the next wall over, and the lounge-chair will probably be sold.
We don’t use the lounge-chair, and rarely have visitors who would use it – so its just being a space-sucker!
(although our puppies may disagree with my opinions on this particular piece of furniture)
Its all a work in progress, and today I’m loving’ the progress I’ve made! 🙂
My lovely calm writing space.
You can see the view I have, in the title Image for this post 🙂
i did it again!
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It was a bit of a shit ending to 2017 for me…
I somehow managed to put my back out again – whilst getting up from the toilet.
How does that even happen!?!?
I spent that day being pretty damn teary and miserable – I didn’t feel like I could go through another few months of being bed bound and rehabbing all over again – but then of course, if this isn’t just a short term flare-up, I don’t have any damn choice in the matter, other than to start back at square one!
Theres also the issue of finances…
My Love has just changed jobs, and needs to re-build her contacts, and get some Sales back under her belt so that the income is back to ‘incoming’, and of course the old employer hasn’t been at all forthcoming with information to her customers when they ring up to get a hold of her – which whilst i know is definitely well within their right, and is totally expected – but it still feels kinda shitty (& petty)…
At the same time – even though the income isn’t what it usually is – the out-goings remain as they were prior to the move, and my part of the income is definitely needed right now, just so that we can eat – so a period of enforced time away from my work and the associated pay-cheque – scares the living daylights outta me!!
Its now almost a month since that happened, and I have been back at physio, had a fortnight of half-days again, at work, and am slowly on the improve.
Its a mentally difficult thing having it in the back of your mind every.single.moment of every.single.day – that at any moment, I could be laid up indefinitely…!
I don’t want to live every aspect of my life being super-careful, but i also know I cant just jump right on in and do everything that i either want to do, or have always done.
Its all a matter of learning and respecting my own limitations.
Not an easy thing – and something I know i will slip up with from time to time – but I’m trying to be sensible!!
One day at a time…
the murky depths [2]
![the murky depths [2]](https://simplelifefarmer.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/12/Screen-Shot-2017-12-22-at-14.15.20.png)
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In Part 2 we’re ready to talk more about those other things on the list in my previous post, namely: clothing, takeaways (food/coffee), cigarettes/alcohol, car expenses, meals, hairdresser / hair products / mani-pedis, social events and growing-your-own.
So – lets get into it!! Continue reading “the murky depths [2]”
busy-ness
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Its been a couple of weeks since my last update – and a lot has been happening about the place…
The Wedding has come and gone – and yes – of course, is was beautiful, wonderful, emotional – and our youngest daughter and her husband are currently off Continue reading “busy-ness”
anxiety
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I only work three days a week – Tues, Wed, Thurs – so I am lucky in that I get a four-day weekend.
In theory…
But these days – my work environment ramps up my anxiety like almost nothing else – so after those three days, I spend Friday pretty much uncoiling from thorough mental, physical and emotion exhaustion.
At least ½ of the day is over, before I start to feel even vaguely like ME!
Come Monday, although I try to schedule my day so that I am relatively busy and not giving myself too much time to think – I can still feel that no-so-subtle tightening in my chest and belly, as the anxiety begins to percolate deep inside of me – with the knowledge that tomorrow I have to go back to work…
Anxiety is such a futile, debilitating waste of time – and I gotta tell you – it SHITS ME OFF!!
[ohhhh for a magic wand…]
We’ve had some storms over the last few days, with good torrential downpours, so today while the ground is still nice and soft and the sun is shining, I am going to plant out some of the potted stuff from our nursery, rather than having to put them into bigger pots.
That will calm my soul!
At least for a little while…
How do YOU handle your anxiety?
A great article about anxiety can be found at “The Mighty“.
comparisons
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I’m having a bit of a ‘comparison’ dilemma at the moment and whilst I know that comparing oneself to others is never a healthy or helpful thing – I’m just not quite sure how to get it “out of my system”…
It makes it that much harder – because the person I am making the comparison with, is my Love.
My Love is 5 years older than me, and is a healthy happy vibrant person, who loves Continue reading “comparisons”