Tag: calm

i’m DONE!

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Ready to cheer me on?

I told you a week or two ago in the smoking gun post, that I was going to do it – and now here I am!!

As of last night – I am a non-smoker.
A former smoker, an ex-smoker – call it what you will.

But as of when I went to bed last night – I am deciding to not stick another cigarette in my mouth.

I’ve said this before – and I’ve caved in.
Not because I’ve particularly wanted one, and certainly not because I’ve needed one, but because I have stupidly succumbed to ‘peer pressure’ (real or imagined!) and have taken it back up again – mostly because my Love has continued smoking.

This time can not be the same as previous times.

This time it won’t be.

Because this time I’m not “giving up” anything.

The fact is that I won’t be ‘giving up’ – I’ll be gaining!

Gaining back my life, gaining back finances, gaining back some health, gaining back the ability to breathe more freely, gaining back time!

Most people don’t realise how much time that smoking sucks out of the day.
And I fully believe that thats why a lot of people restart – simply because they don’t know what to do with all the time they suddenly find on their hands – and they’ve done nothing in the lead-up to stopping smoking, to ensure that they have strategies in place to combat the feeling of ‘what do i do with myself now‘….!

Personally, I’ve spent the last two weeks working out how I will combat those moments when I’d usually go for a ciggie – because all it is, is habit!

Its a habit to have one after a meal, its a habit to have one with my coffee, its a habit to have one with a glass of wine, its a habit to have one when on the phone, its a habit to have one before bed …… every.single.stupid.cigarette is a habit.

An idiotic lethally toxic habit that is poisoning our bodies, and sending us ever more quickly closer to the grave…

But ya know what?

Not any more!

I’m done!

Feel free to cheer for me – cos I sure am 😀 😀 😀

Sarah


I’m DONE with the Monster on my back!


The breakfast of a champion non-smoker

progress

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I’ve spent my “free-time Friday” this week, moving furniture around a bit within our little home.

I’ve now made room for my writing desk to go into our living room space so that it will front on to the big glass doors, which means I’ll now have a lovely view of our garden to look out on when I write, instead of only being able to see the top of the trees – which was my previous view from the dining room table – due to me being ‘horizontally challenged’ 😀

I love our garden so much – and love to take my laptop outside to write, when the weather is being kind – but of late its either been blisteringly hot, or pouring with rain – and as we don’t yet have a covered outdoor area, it means I am confined to indoors during those times.

Right now, we don’t use our lounge-room area a whole lot – its more of a winter area for us in the evenings; but when I’m home alone, I’ll often use the area for reading, otherwise it doesn’t get a lot of traffic – so I’ve been looking at ways to re-jig it, so that it not only gets more use, but is a more practical space for us.

And what better way to do that than to incorporate my writing desk into the area!

I have also been keeping a look-out at the tip-shop and the second-hand shops for a day-bed, which I will put along the wall that currently houses a huuuuuuge lounge-chair and a chest of drawers.

The drawers will move to the next wall over, and the lounge-chair will probably be sold.

We don’t use the lounge-chair, and rarely have visitors who would use it – so its just being a space-sucker!
(although our puppies may disagree with my opinions on this particular piece of furniture)

Its all a work in progress, and today I’m loving’ the progress I’ve made! 🙂

Sarah

 

 

 

My lovely calm writing space.
You can see the view I have, in the title Image for this post 🙂

you’re not a burden

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The fact that you’re struggling doesn’t make you a burden.

It doesn’t make you unlovable or undesirable or undeserving of care.
It doesn’t make you too much or too sensitive or too needy…It makes you human.

Everyone struggles.
Everyone has a difficult time coping, and at times, we all fall apart.

During these times, we aren’t always easy to be around — and that’s okay.
No one is easy to be around one hundred percent of the time.

Yes, you may sometimes be unpleasant or difficult.
And yes, you may sometimes do or say things that make the people around you feel helpless or sad.
But those things aren’t all of who you are and they certainly don’t discount your worth as a human being.

The truth is that you can be struggling and still be loved.
You can be difficult and still be cared for.
You can be less than perfect, and still be deserving of compassion and kindness…

Sarah

15 nuggets

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1. You are not your body and your body is not you but you best look after each other anyway.
You might be together for a while.

2. You’ll never have more potential than you do right now, so find a way to use more of what you’ve got.

3. You think too much.

4. It’s not a time issue.
It’s a how-you-manage-your-time issue.

5. You’ll never be perfect, so aim for better.

6. You’ll never live in the future or the past, so find a way to be happy in the now.

7. Your beliefs, standards and rules will change over time so don’t get too self-righteous about your current ones.

8. Life doesn’t get better, you do.
Life is life – it will happen to you, around you and despite you.
It’s your job to get better in the middle of it all.

9. Your body is not the problem.
It’s the consequence.

10. You’ll never find yourself in things.
So stop looking there.

11. Even though you might not feel it, think it, believe it or hear it, you are good enough.

12. Your happiness works from the inside-out.
Not the other way around.

13. Things only have the meaning you give them.
Every day, you get to create your own reality.
So choose your labels wisely.

14. Nobody can take your power but you can give it away.
Master your fear and you’ll master your life.

15. Real success is not about what you earn, own, achieve or win but who you become along the way.

Sarah

: strength :

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Strength doesn’t come from what you can do;
it comes from overcoming the things you once thought you couldn’t do.

When you are at your lowest point,
you are open to the greatest positive change.

Happiness is not the absence of problems,
but the strength to deal with them.

The strongest people are the ones who feel pain,
accept it,
learn from it,
and fight through it.

They turn their wounds into wisdom….

 

Sarah

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i did it again!

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It was a bit of a shit ending to 2017 for me…

I somehow managed to put my back out again – whilst getting up from the toilet.
How does that even happen!?!?

I spent that day being pretty damn teary and miserable – I didn’t feel like I could go through another few months of being bed bound and rehabbing all over again – but then of course, if this isn’t just a short term flare-up, I don’t have any damn choice in the matter, other than to start back at square one!

Theres also the issue of finances…
My Love has just changed jobs, and needs to re-build her contacts, and get some Sales back under her belt so that the income is back to ‘incoming’, and of course the old employer hasn’t been at all forthcoming with information to her customers when they ring up to get a hold of her – which whilst i know is definitely well within their right, and is totally expected – but it still feels kinda shitty (& petty)…

At the same time – even though the income isn’t what it usually is – the out-goings remain as they were prior to the move, and my part of the income is definitely needed right now, just so that we can eat – so a period of enforced time away from my work and the associated pay-cheque – scares the living daylights outta me!!

Its now almost a month since that happened, and I have been back at physio, had a fortnight of half-days again, at work, and am slowly on the improve.

Its a mentally difficult thing having it in the back of your mind every.single.moment of every.single.day – that at any moment, I could be laid up indefinitely…!

I don’t want to live every aspect of my life being super-careful, but i also know I cant just jump right on in and do everything that i either want to do, or have always done.

Its all a matter of learning and respecting my own limitations.

Not an easy thing – and something I know i will slip up with from time to time – but I’m trying to be sensible!!
One day at a time…
Sarah

physio f**k-up

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My Physio relocated to one of the southern states back in early October.

Before she left – she arranged for another physio in the same practice to take over my care, as I had seen this other physio a few times (when my usual wasn’t available) and she knew my full history – so there wouldn’t have to be a whole long extended hand-over needed.

I knew I’d been left in good hands, so whilst I was sad that my regular physio – whom i adored – was leaving, I felt confident that I was being left in good hands.

A week later, three days before I was due for my next appointment, I got a call from the receptionist at the clinic – to let me know that there has been a mass ‘walk-out’ (and resignations) of the majority of the physio staff – and that there was only one physio left at the clinic.

They would need to reschedule my next appointment – and with a bloke i had never see before.

I was less than pleased…!

Because there was now only one physio left at the clinic, the rescheduling meant that my next appointment was not for another eight weeks… 😐

Whilst I had managed to whittle down from needing three appointments per week, down to one a week – having to go eight weeks without an appointment scared me rather a lot.

And as luck has it, we live in a small rural community – and therefor don’t have the luxury or access to just going to a different clinic!

I made the appointment.
It was for December 2nd.

November 30th – the clinic called.
My appointment was ‘no longer available’…

I didn’t bother trying to make another.
I’m pissed off, I’m fed-up of being pushed to the back of the line – I’m done.

I don’t yet know quite what I am going to do about finding another physio.

I keep hoping that the girl I was initially scheduled to see when my original physio left, will pop-up somewhere locally, and I can score an appointment with her – but so far its not looking good.

Its been a couple of months now since the walk-out, and she hasn’t turned up anywhere that I have found yet 🙁

I’ll keep looking though, and keep asking around…
I need the help and guidance of a good physio to keep improving my pain and mobility – and to ensure that I dont back-slide too much.

I really dont think I could cope with the unmanaged pain, and being bed-bound again – like I was back in the early months of the year…I just don’t…

Fingers crossed!
Sarah

gettin’ stuff done!

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I’ve been back to the house in town today, and have done some mega cleaning.

All the floors have been vacuumed, and some of them mopped.
The kitchen sink is sparkling like new and all the kitchen benches and the breakfast bar have been cleared and cleaned.

I have tidied up the front room / office, staged some furniture, pruned the houseplant and vacuumed up all the spider-webs.

I pulled all the furniture away from the walls on the patio, swept down all the walls, and vacuumed up all the spiders and their associated webs, then swept the patio tiles, mopped up some marks, wiped down the tables, and repositioned the furniture.
I even managed to get all the stairs and pathway swept, and the houseplant out there also got a bit of a haircut in the midst of it all.

The main bedroom is closed off so that the cats can’t get in, and there are only two bits of stripping that need completion in the spare bedroom, and then some touchup paintwork on those bits.
The 2nd bedroom is fine how it is.

Once our youngest daughters wedding is done & dusted, and all the various family members have gone back to their different corners of the country, I will empty the kitchen cupboards and drawers, and the pantry – but the kids will be staying in the house from this Wednesday onward, until Sunday or Monday – so it won’t be until next week that I can get to that.

The big bathroom has had the the last of the stripping and gapping done, and there are just a few paint touch-ups needed in there too, but the smaller bathroom just needs a wipe over and the shower recess needs a final scrub, but I’ll wait for next week to do that bit – cos the visiting kids are bound to make a mess!

I’m now back at the Farm, and have a pile of laundry to get through, as I didn’t do any washing over the weekend.

I’m hoping to get to whipper-snipping around the raised beds out near where we park the cars done while the washing-machine is doing its thing – but right now I’m waiting for a phone call that I don’t want to miss – and phone reception is a bit hit & miss at the best of times, but gets markedly worse the further you move away from the FarmHouse where the booster-box for the mobile signal is, so for now i’ll just hang around inside and get some chores done in here…

The whole Farm was mowed again over the weekend.
My Darling doesn’t find it quite as funny as I do, but the ‘clean green slate’ only lasts about 2 hours before the yellow woodsorrel (oxalis stricta) that is in plague proportions amongst the grass, throws up a whole pile of new flowers – so the entire paddock is just a sea of glorious little golden flowers.

It really is very pretty, but drives My Love demented, as by the next morning its back to looking unmown. lol
I can’t help but laugh – every.single.time!! 😀
🌼🌼🌼🌼

Go slow and enjoy the day Folks,
Sarah

flipping out

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This morning I had a major anxiety filled panic-ridden flipout…

But first a bit of background.

Our youngest daughter is getting married in eight days.
yes – EIGHT!

Now I am already having a bit of a belly-wobble about what may or may not be expected of us (well ME) on the actual day, but I also don’t Continue reading “flipping out”

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