Category: Personal

slow & steady

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This week is the first time I’ve realllly felt like I’m getting better.

I’ve known that I was improving as the weeks have gone on, but this week I’ve felt more…. I don’t know… capable, I guess…

Im still only doing two half days a week at work, but when I finished work on Tuesday, I did the weekly grocery shopping, and after coming home, unpacking and putting it away, I had some lunch, then went and did a bit of decluttering of junk in the front room / office, and got rid of two bags of garbage.

I made us a dinner of pork steaks and veggies, and I got some laundry started.

They’re baby-steps in the greater scheme of things, but I still felt good after doing them – not sore or stiff or overly tired, or exhausted…

I know I need to take this ‘healing’ business slowly.

I do NOT want another relapse like the one in February.

I’m also regularly reminding myself that one of the things I promised myself this year, was to take better care of ME.

As the saying goes: “slow and steady wins the race“, and I’d like to be in this ‘race’ for quite some time yet…

What do you do to look after yourself?
I’d love to hear from you – so drop a comment in the box below 🙂
Cheers,
Sarah

a mediocre life

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What if I all I want is a small, slow, simple life?
What if I am most happy in the space of in between? Where calm lives.
What if I am mediocre and choose to be at peace with that?

The world is such a noisy place. Loud, haranguing voices lecturing me to hustle, to improve, build, strive, yearn, acquire, compete, and grasp for more. For bigger and better.
Sacrifice sleep for productivity.
Strive for excellence.
Go big or go home.
Have a huge impact in the world.
Make your life count.

But what if I just don’t have it in me?
What if all the striving for excellence leaves me sad, worn out, depleted?
Drained of joy.
Am I simply not enough?

What if I never really amount to anything when I grow up—beyond a wife, mum, daughter and sister?
But these people in my primary circle of impact know they are loved and I would choose them again, given the choice.
Can this be enough?

What if I never build an orphanage in Africa, but send bags of groceries to people here and there and support a couple of kids through sponsorship?
What if I just offer the small gifts I have to the world and let that be enough?

What if I don’t want to write a cookbook or build a six figure business or speak before thousands?
But I write because I have something to say and I invest in a small community of women I care about and encourage them to love and care for themselves well.
Because bigger isn’t always better and the individual matters.
She is enough.

What if I just accept this mediocre body of mine that is neither big nor small? Just in between.
And I embrace that I have no desire to work for rock hard abs or 18% body fat.
And I make peace with it and decide that when I lie on my deathbed I will never regret having just been me.
Take me or leave me.

What if I am a mediocre home manager who rarely dusts and mostly maintains order and makes real food but sometimes buys pizza and who is horrified at moments by the utter mess in some areas of her home?
Who loves to menu plan and budget but then breaks her own rules and pushes back against rigidity.
Who doesn’t care about decorating and fancy things.
Whose home is humble but safe.

What if I am not cut out for the frantic pace of this society and cannot even begin to keep up?
And see so many others with what appears to be boundless energy and stamina but know that I need tons of solitude and calm, an abundance of rest, and swaths of unscheduled time in order to be healthy.
Body, spirit, soul healthy.
Am I enough?

What if I am too religious for some and not spiritual enough for others?
Non-evangelistic.
Not bold enough.
Yet willing to share in quiet ways, in genuine relationship, my deeply rooted faith.
And my doubts and insecurities.

This will have to be enough.

And if I have been married 20 years and love my spouse more today than yesterday but have never had a fairy tale romance and break the “experts” marriage rules about doing a ton of activities together and having a bunch in common.
And we don’t.
And we like time apart and time together.
Is our marriage good enough?

What if I am a mum who delights in her kids but needs time for herself and sometimes just wants to be first and doesn’t like to play, but who hugs and affirms and supports her kids in their passions?
A mediocre mum who can never live up to her own expectations of good enough, let alone yours.

What if I embrace my limitations and stop railing against them?
Make peace with who I am and what I need and honor your right to do the same.
Accept that all I want is a small, slow, simple life.
A mediocre life.
A beautiful, quiet, gentle life.

I think it is enough…

This article was originally published by Krista O’Reilly-Davi-Digui over at A Life in Progress.

back to bed

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As you know, I’ve been having issues with hip/back/leg pain for a while, and whilst for a short period in feb/early march – it seemed to be finally getting a bit better after repeated Dr & Physio visits, it got dramatically worse last week – so it was back to the Physio and the Doctor, and after a case-conference between the two – a decision has been made.

The discs between L3-L4 & L4-L5 are pushing on my spinal cord / nerves – which is whats causing bouts of agonising pain, as well as lack of sleep from said pain.

I have been placed on medical leave for the next four weeks, but am told it could well be 8+ weeks – and I have been ordered to be on bed rest.
I am NOT allowed to:
push
pull
lift
vacuum
sweep
mop
do stairs
do hills
twist
drive for more that a couple of kms (not too often)
sit for any extended periods of time other than meals / toilet

i AM allowed to:
lie in bed
lie semi-propped up in bed
sit for short periods
slow walks around on flat surfaces

I’ve been informed that due to the fact that my spinal nerve is already being impacted, we need to keep a watch out for any further loss of feeling, or loss of bladder/bowel control, as this could well lead to an emergency that would require surgery within 24hrs.

I haven’t quite worked out how Digby can be looked after properly quite yet – and am seriously thinking I might have re-home him.
It will be sad if I have to – but I want what’s best for him, and the options in front of us at the moment make me think that that’s probably going to be the best option.
I don’t want him to be confined or unhappy… 😒

I’ll certainly have time over the coming days and weeks, to work out and put systems in place for how our Life will be for the next while – including where I will spend the majority of the time.
House or Farm.
There’s positives and negatives for both!

Today is my first day home by myself, and I am at the Farm.
Digby is with me.
We found out right before the weekend – so at least I had my Love home to cheer me up for the first few days – when I was feeling very very raw. (Actually, we both were…)

Its such a gorgeous cool overcast day out today – with the sun occasionally jolting through to warm the grass – and there is a crisp breeze blowing.
Every fibre of my being wants to be out in the garden, potting up seeds, or planting seedlings, or papering and mulching.
BUT – I am semi-propped in my bed doing my blogging, and Digby is lying at my feet snoring.
He did however bring me in an empty pot…
I don’t quite know if he was trying to comfort, or tease me!! 😀

At least I have lots of windows and glass doors surrounding me, that I can see out into the garden from; and I have started a list of things already that I would like to get a start on, whilst I’m required to “stay still”, which I regularly get sidetracked from doing, when I am dealing with my usual day of chores and work.
Blogging, organisational lists for the Farm, outstanding letters and calls, long-term menu planning, and working out the intricacies of online grocery shopping – just to name a few! lol

Although I will have the ‘time’ – I probably won’t blog here much more than usual, as I don’t want posts to be nothing more than the ongoing wafflings of my ‘back saga’.
That would get realllllll old, realllllll fast – for all of us.
And right about as interesting as watching paint dry!!

Well, its time for me to go for a short stroll around the room – I need a change of position for a few minutes. lol

Remember, if you’re enjoying Simple Life Farmer, please sign up to have updates sent directly to you.
(you can do this in the ‘please join me’ box)
And I’d love you to leave comments you have on the blog, or on a particular post.
I hope you do!! 🙂

Until next time, look after YOU!
Sarah

 

 

My trusty Digby – snoozing away the morning, whilst I do my blogging from my bed.
At least I have a lovely view of the trees, from the window at my bedside.
Our Darling youngest daughter visited over the weekend, arriving just after we were given ‘the news’ – and she bought a special little plant for my bedside , to cheer me up. **sob** :))

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owie update

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Its time for an owie update folks!

I’ve been going to the Physio, and doing my exercizes for a few weeks now – and as promised it’s time for an update.

I’ve been managing to get around much better – and have been getting up to five hours straight of sleep, which for me is almost unheard of.
The usual is 2-3.

The Physio has been really pleased with how quickly I’ve progressed, and her enthusiasm and encouragement has been giving me a lot of confidence in myself, and in the ability of my body to get better from this – and it’s been keeping my optimism at a high – which has been great.

We’ve had the threat of a cyclone looming for the last week, and whilst it thankfully (for us) headed south and removed us from its path – in the days prior to it moving its course, we were on watch and cleanup mode – most of which we did on Saturday.

We didn’t have a lot to stow away at the Farm, but there were a pile of empty pots, and some rolls of wire, and the shipping container needed reorganising to be able to fit extra loose objects in, like wheelbarrows, tools, gates and such.

I did most of this by myself, as my Love had work appointments.
But I went slowly and carefully, and did all the jobs mindfully and with care.

Sunday morning rocked up, and getting out of bed was rather an ordeal, but after getting going, the rest of the day went ok, and I just pottered about doing Sunday-type stuff.

Monday morning getting out of bed was difficult and hurt.
I took some pain meds which got on top of it, and whilst I was uncomfortable for most of the day – I managed.

Tuesday is one of my (paid job) work days.
I was woken by pain at 3am.
Tried various positions, got up and had a walk and stretch, but after 45mins and being reduced to tears from the pain, I gave in and took some meds, and finally got to doze about an hour later, until the alarm went off just before 6.

Getting out of bed was hell.
I cried.
Going to the toilet was hell.
I cried.
I took meds as I made coffee.

By the time the meds kicked in and I got sorted for work – I arrived at work about 30mins later than usual – but thankfully my Boss is pretty relaxed and understanding about that…

I spent a lot of the day getting up and down, and wriggling about, so that nothing would ‘seize up’ too much – and midmorning I phoned the Physio, requesting if they had an appointment I could have today, instead of waiting for my 3:45pm appointment the next day.
Alas – my Physio was booked out – so I’d have to wait.

About an hour later the Physio rang back.
They had a 330 appointment if I could make it?
Yes please!

So I leave work, go to the Physio, and check in at the desk, then sit to wait.

After about 10mins, the receptionist comes over and tells me my appointment is for tomorrow.

I explain that I’d received a call to change it to 330 today.
No, says she – it’s 330 tomorrow.

Seriously…!!!!???!!!

I called you in desperation to get an earlier appointment, and you call me back later – to change my appointment by 15 minutes..??!!??

Seriously…!!!???

Yep – that’s what they did.

I left and went out to my car.
Tears welling.
Just as I was pulling out, the receptionist came out to the car.
I could come at 10:30 tomorrow if I’d like?
Yes please – I’d like!

So here I sit in the waiting room once again – hoping to lift my spirits and my pain, and get back some of that optimism…

Fingers crossed!

I’ll let you know how I go,
Sarah

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