Today is the day that I go back to the house in town for a few days.
It’s always definitely on the list of my least favourite things to do each week – but today is going to be that little bit more difficult, as we’ve been out here for the last six days.
I’ve been trying to work it out, and I think I might have come up with some idea of why this is…
In town, I let myself feel the (imagined?) expectations of society.
My house is a mess that I haven’t been able to clean properly in weeks, due to being laid up on bed-rest.
There are DIY jobs at every turn that need completion.
All three dogs are together there, and its inevitable that chaos is going to break out between them unless I can keep them separated – which is hard to do when you need to continually go back and forth from one side of the house to the other.
Currently the small dogs have the bedrooms/bathroom/laundry side of the house, and the big dog has the lounge/kitchen/dining/office side of the house.
We have a kids security gate in the hall to seperate the two, which worked for a while, until the big dog cleared it in a single bound when he was chasing a moth one evening 😐 so now we have to slide a tallboy of drawers in front of the gate, across the hallway, so that it is too wide and high for him to bound over; but which makes going back and forth quite a feat of furniture-moving, whilst still somehow keeping each of the dogs in their own areas, whilst trying to get through…
I also don’t like having to lock the dogs away.
It just doesn’t feel good, or fair to them…
As well as the house being a mess and the DIY jobs sneering at me, and the canine chaos – I also know that we need to get this house sorted as soon as we can, so that we can get it ready for sale.
Another pressure that I am unable to do very much about at present.
And to top it off, going back to the house in town tends to signify that the ‘work week’ has begun again – and whilst I am currently off work on medical leave, I expect that I will be going back to work either next week or the week after.
And its just not a job I have a passion for any more.
Its another one of those things that I ‘have’ to do, to be able to get to where I want to be, in the future
– and the Farm represents that future…
My Love is also usually much less relaxed when we’re at the house in town, and I find it difficult that I’m unable to provide the relaxing haven that I want to, for someone who works so damn hard for us!
Here at the Farm however – without a doubt – it is my ‘happy place’.
Its where I can relax.
Its where a calm comes over me, and a little smile creeps over my lips, as soon as I come down the driveway.
Sure, there are chores to do, meals to make, dishes to be done etc etc – no different to the house in town – but for some reason, when I am here those necessities of life don’t cause the same ball of stress in my gut, that it does in town.
They are instead – something that I actively look forward to.
Here, I am ‘just’ a Simple Life Farmer – who loves the environment she is in.
Here – I feel like i have choices – not expectations…
I take joy and pride in creating a welcoming and relaxing space for My Love to return home to at the end of a long day.
(Yes, I know – I should have been a 1950s housewife!)
I love being out in the garden, growing food to sustain us.
I love being indoors baking bread, and making wholesome food.
I love that when the dog comes skidding in the door covered in mud, that it doesn’t bother me that the floors just got all muddy too.
I love being able to have rhythm to my days, that might well make sense to no one else but me.
I love that I can sit and read, or write, without feeling like I’m being inefficient or lazy.
I love not feeling that the disapproval of ‘society’ matters – because I don’t give a toss…!
I know that things will change when we are all out here permanently.
I know that right now its probably a bit more like a ‘holiday camp’ when we come to stay at the end of each week.
But even with that knowledge, I still firmly believe that I am slowly moving in the right direction of where and who I need to be – in order for me to be happy and at peace with myself, and my Life…