Almost every year for the last 7 years (at least) – June has kicked my ass.
Last year was the first year that I got through (mostly) unscathed, and I had thought that I was finally clear of whatever was the heavy darkness that June had bought with it in previous years.
This year It came back – but it only lasted a couple of days, and I made it a topic of discussion during those few days to try and help to chase it back to where it belongs – in the past!
I’m not sure when it first began.
Maybe its always been there and I’ve just been too busy with Life, and Work, and Family and such…
It might have been in the June of a particularly bad miscarriage when I was in my 20s, or it might have been the June my Father died, 22 years ago.
Maybe it was the June back in 2016 when I had a particularly bad back injury that left me bed-bound for around eight weeks.
During that time I needed to stay in bed at all times unless I was going to the toilet or getting up to eat.
It was a really tough time and I spent almost all of my days at our Farm, where my Love would drop me drop me off to before she went to work – because we weren’t living there yet – and I would spend the days in bed with my dog Digby by my side.
It was a dark period and I spent a lot of my time being very scared that I was in a position that if things went more wrong than they already were, I might never walk again.
When I needed to get up and go to the toilet Digby helped me by being my ‘walking stick’; walking beside me so that I could lean on him to make my way to the toilet.
He would hold steady to help me get up from the loo, and then he would walk me back to my bed.
There were many days when I’m pretty sure him being there saved my life.
Eventually and thankfully, I ‘recovered’ from that injury, although there are still ongoing issues with my back and I need to be very mindful of how I move my body during my day to day goings on.
Then there was the day that I had to rehome that amazing Digby dog – through no fault of his own – when my heart shattered into a billion little pieces that it still hasn’t recovered from…
In June of 2017, I was freshly dealing with my friends husband being diagnosed with pancreatic cancer, only a few short weeks before their wedding anniversary.
I was also dealing badly with the grief and guilt of no longer having Digby by my side, and his birthday is in June.
In June 2018 my Mother died.
Whilst we were never considered wildly close, she nevertheless was still my Mother, and it was sad.
As she and her husband had moved into aged-care right before her death, the ‘kids’ of our family all rallied to pack up my Mother and her Husbands home, and my sister and I were tasked with selling it – which we did.
It was an intense time that’s for sure.
My Loves Mother also died in June, many many years ago – and whilst sadly I never got to meet her when she was earth-side, I believe she visits and spends time with me often…
In June of 2019, I saw my friends husband for the last time – he died only a few short weeks later.
The day after he died, I gave notice at the job I had held for over thirteen years, as the stress of it was having a cumulative effect, and this latest death had reinforced in me how very ‘short’ life is.
As my career was coming to an end, our youngest sons child was born with critical heart issues, which required months of ICU care, a number of ‘crashes’ in his health, and multiple operations.
Somehow he survived it all, however the same can’t be said for the relationship of his parents.
2021 bought the death of my sisters Mother.
This year, June bought the death of a friends Father, who I had helped in the transfer and care of.
It also bought a serious cardiac event for my Mothers Husband – my Sisters Father.
He is still holding on as I write this, but is slowly deteriorating.
So yeah – June kicks my ass!
A lot of really lovely things happen in June too and I not only remind myself of them often, but I consciously look for the good and beautiful that June brings.
I met my Love in June – over 25 years ago now!
The birthday of our middle son is in June, as is the birthday or our youngest daughters eldest child.
The garden comes to life after the dry blistering heat of summer is finally gone – as June heralds the start of the cooler whether – which I very much prefer.
I will keep looking for the good, and I will keep working on leaving the past in the past where it mostly belongs; but sometimes it just sneaks up on me, and it leaks out my of eyes…