Almost every year for the last 7 years (at least) – June has kicked my ass.
Last year was the first year that I got through (mostly) unscathed, and I had thought that I was finally clear of whatever was the heavy darkness that June had bought with it in previous years.
This year It came back – but it only lasted a couple of days, and I made it a topic of discussion during those few days to try and help to chase it back to where it belongs – in the past!
I’m not sure when it first began.
Maybe its always been there and I’ve just been too busy with Life, and Work, and Family and such…
It might have been in the June of a particularly bad miscarriage when I was in my 20s, or it might have been the June my Father died, 22 years ago.
Maybe it was the June back in 2016 when I had a particularly bad back injury that left me bed-bound for around eight weeks.
During that time I needed to stay in bed at all times unless I was going to the toilet or getting up to eat.
It was a really tough time and I spent almost all of my days at our Farm, where my Love would drop me drop me off to before she went to work – because we weren’t living there yet – and I would spend the days in bed with my dog Digby by my side.
It was a dark period and I spent a lot of my time being very scared that I was in a position that if things went more wrong than they already were, I might never walk again.
When I needed to get up and go to the toilet Digby helped me by being my ‘walking stick’; walking beside me so that I could lean on him to make my way to the toilet.
He would hold steady to help me get up from the loo, and then he would walk me back to my bed.
There were many days when I’m pretty sure him being there saved my life.
Eventually and thankfully, I ‘recovered’ from that injury, although there are still ongoing issues with my back and I need to be very mindful of how I move my body during my day to day goings on.
Then there was the day that I had to rehome that amazing Digby dog – through no fault of his own – when my heart shattered into a billion little pieces that it still hasn’t recovered from…
In June of 2017, I was freshly dealing with my friends husband being diagnosed with pancreatic cancer, only a few short weeks before their wedding anniversary.
I was also dealing badly with the grief and guilt of no longer having Digby by my side, and his birthday is in June.
In June 2018 my Mother died.
Whilst we were never considered wildly close, she nevertheless was still my Mother, and it was sad.
As she and her husband had moved into aged-care right before her death, the ‘kids’ of our family all rallied to pack up my Mother and her Husbands home, and my sister and I were tasked with selling it – which we did.
It was an intense time that’s for sure.
My Loves Mother also died in June, many many years ago – and whilst sadly I never got to meet her when she was earth-side, I believe she visits and spends time with me often…
In June of 2019, I saw my friends husband for the last time – he died only a few short weeks later.
The day after he died, I gave notice at the job I had held for over thirteen years, as the stress of it was having a cumulative effect, and this latest death had reinforced in me how very ‘short’ life is.
As my career was coming to an end, our youngest sons child was born with critical heart issues, which required months of ICU care, a number of ‘crashes’ in his health, and multiple operations.
Somehow he survived it all, however the same can’t be said for the relationship of his parents.
2021 bought the death of my sisters Mother.
This year, June bought the death of a friends Father, who I had helped in the transfer and care of.
It also bought a serious cardiac event for my Mothers Husband – my Sisters Father.
He is still holding on as I write this, but is slowly deteriorating.
So yeah – June kicks my ass!
A lot of really lovely things happen in June too and I not only remind myself of them often, but I consciously look for the good and beautiful that June brings.
I met my Love in June – over 25 years ago now!
The birthday of our middle son is in June, as is the birthday or our youngest daughters eldest child.
The garden comes to life after the dry blistering heat of summer is finally gone – as June heralds the start of the cooler whether – which I very much prefer.
I will keep looking for the good, and I will keep working on leaving the past in the past where it mostly belongs; but sometimes it just sneaks up on me, and it leaks out my of eyes…
– Yesterday I thought I was getting a bit of a scratchy throat, but overnight each time I woke up, there was a definite tickle going on in there.
When I got up this morning, my voice sounded like a 1900 call-girl – all deep, husky and gravely, and my throat felt thick.
Once my Love had gone to work I got the dishes done, but by the time I was finished I had the chills and shakes, my head ached, and my muscles were starting to ache too, so I took some paracetamol and headed off to bed for about 90 minutes.
Felt marginally better when I next got up, so I had a 400ml protein shake to at least try and get some hydration and nutrition into me.
Spent most of the afternoon on the couch wrapped in a blanket, and taking Panadol 4 hourly.
Its been another wet day.
– two birthdays in our ‘living’ family today.
Our middle son is 33, and our granddaughter is 4.
I had planned to have a cuppa with my friend Patti today, but she had to do a last minute trip to the city to organise a site for her taco truck to dispense from at one of the local festivals.
As I had already planned to go over to the town that she lives near, I still went to her place to drop off some tamarillo, as I didn’t want the fruit that I had specially picked for her, to spoil. I just hung them on the door handle for her to eventually find.
I then drove back to our closest town and did some grocery shopping, then back home to cook some dog food, after putting away the groceries.
Later in the afternoon I listed a pile of gardening books for sale on Marketplace.
Raining again today.
– Laundry day and changing of the sheets.
A few of the books I listed yesterday have already sold, so I had people going to collect them.
Our friend Nellie came over for dinner tonight, and we got takeaway Chinese food to eat at home.
She and I are both under the weather with a cold and sniffles, and her with coughing, so we figured we’d rather not be out in public sharing our germiness!
– David the NBN tech came nice and early this morning and spent a few hours trying to sort out our signal issues.
He’s actually the same guy who came to fix an issue a few years ago, and the partner of the lady who used to help us out on the Farm a few years back.
Its definitely a small community in some ways!
He replaced the outdoor unit, which then wouldn’t register for the longest time with the nbn company, which was increasingly frustrating for him, but eventually it did whatever it is that it should have – and he headed off on his merry way.
Hopefully the issue is now fixed, but time will tell!
I dropped off four of the books I had sold to a lady in town, and collected a click-and-collect grocery order of a few top-up items whilst I was there.
– today marks the ‘anniversary’ of the day that my father died 22 years ago…
Around 9am, Heath the civil engineer guy came and started in on the drainage works along the eastern fence-line.
He’s doing an absolute cracker of a job, and the swale is so beautifully contoured and has excellent fall down toward the back drain.
He couldn’t quite get the entire drain finished today, so will be back in the morning to do the final touches.
I can’t wait for the next big monsoon to see if it makes as big of a difference as I think it will!
I spent the afternoon doing a big declutter in the kitchen.
I dug through a lot of the things that were hidden in the back of shelves and never used, and they are being rehomed to a friend of ours who is keen to have the extra good-condition kitchenwares.
– Heath came back early this morning and completed the drainage works.
I’m so happy we that we decided to give this ‘new kid on the block‘ a go!
We’ll definitely be highly recommending him.
There are some huuuuge piles of dirt left over, so we’re going to need to do some extra landscaping works in the coming weeks / months to incorporate them into the landscape in a better way.
This evening I got word from one of my sisters that my step-dad has had a cardiac event.
Tomorrow is the ‘anniversary’ of my mothers death 5 years ago, and he misses her desperately.
We all think he’s probably finally had ‘enough’ – and all I can hope for is that he gets to pass quickly and gently so that he can be back where he belongs – by my mothers side.
– We went for a lovely long spur-of-the-moment drive in our bus (Noah) today and it was just lovely!
We went and got lunch and went up to the look-out to eat it, and on the way back down heading for home decided that we’d take the ‘long way’ – but instead of taking the long way, when we got to the road where we turn off to head toward home, we instead kept going straight head; and for the next hour or so just kept on driving all over the beautiful backroads of the Tablelands.
It was a really nice way to spend a drizzly afternoon, and we even managed to catch a few moments of sunshine here and there.
Today is the 5th ‘anniversary’ of my mothers death – aged 92.
– After much discussion, my Wife is going to be getting a new car.
A Mahindra dual cab ute.
She currently has a Colorado – which I have never been a fan of – but its her car so that’s irrelevant! lol
This morning we were booked in to take one for a test-drive, which she wanted me to go with her to, so I met her at the dealership mid-morning.
We both liked the car, so will move forward with the plans to purchase, using the Colorado as a trade-in.
After the test-drive I went to the post office to collect a parcel, then headed back home to do some cleaning.
– Our Garden Guy (the Mighty MG) came over this morning for a coffee and catch up, and so that we could do a bit of a planning session with regards to what we’re going to do next around the Farm, and how we should proceed with our plans for the dirt piles left behind from the drainage works.
Did the laundry, folding and putting away; and vacuumed.
The 12 volt fan in our composting loo has gone on the blink, so I’ll have to try and work out a fix or replacement for that tomorrow.
It was too dark by the time we realised that it wasn’t working, to be able to see well enough to attend to it.
– The 2nd ‘anniversary’ of my step-mums death.
My brother went to sit with our step-dad today.
Since his cardiac event last week, he has been slowly deteriorating, and is very confused and tires quickly.
My sister will be going down to stay for a bit and to assess how he truely is, (she too is a nurse) but she won’t arrive until tomorrow.
I drove to the next big town over this morning to collect a new fan for the loo.
They only had large ones in stock which fit just fine, but it’s quite noisy.
I have installed it to get us through until the smaller less noisy one that I have ordered online, arrives in the mail.
‘June’ is starting to take its toll on me, but I will write more of that in another post…
– My sister arrived to be with my step-dad today.
She knows I will go down to be with her at a moments notice, but for now she is doing okay.
She has said that while he is quite exhausted, he is happy that he is no longer having to take his heart medications.
He is also having regular morphine for any pain, and has had a few bouts of lucidity during her visits where he recognises her.
I went back to the next big town over again today, as there were a few things I had forgotten to do while I as there yesterday – and to be honest, I desperately needed the sunshine that can almost always be found there!
Last night the father of one of our very close friends died.
In the last few years we had become quite close to he and his wife as we had helped with their deciding to move from Melbourne to our town, and then assisted with getting them both admitted into the local aged care home, where I used to work.
Whilst we knew that his death was imminent – its still sad…
– I was supposed to go to lunch with the ex-colleagues crew today, but just as I was about to go in and get ready, our Garden Guy turned up with his wife and two of his kids to collect some stuff – so I ended up spending an hour with them instead.
It was a nice sunny day for a change, so I was glad of the excuse and to instead be able to enjoy more of the sunshine.
I finally got brave enough to tackle the carpeting of the first panel of the ceiling inside the back of the bus.
Whilst it was a little tricky – and I don’t think I could manage doing it with really big pieces of carpet – it was quite empowering to look at the (almost) finished job and notice that I hadn’t done a thoroughly hideous job for my first effort, and didn’t feel like I needed to pull it all down and start again!!
– I spent the majority of the morning writing.
Its back to being overcast again today, and I’ve really had a gut-full of this shitty weather!
I am someone who needs regular doses of good solid sunshine, and when that doesn’t happen, my mood goes down the tubes disturbingly quickly.
This afternoon – after my Love had finished work – we went into town to buy food for the cat and dogs, which I cooked up once we got back home.
After the cooking, we sat for a while and caught up on some of our backlog of YouTube videos on channels that we are subscribed to.
– a quiet day for the most part.
Did a nice bit of gardening in the morning, and then watched some travel and garden shows in the afternoon.
Made a really yummy coral trout in a laksa sauce for dinner, served on a bed of rice.