I somehow managed to put my back out again – whilst getting up from the toilet.
How does that even happen!?!?
I spent that day being pretty damn teary and miserable – I didn’t feel like I could go through another few months of being bed bound and rehabbing all over again – but then of course, if this isn’t just a short term flare-up, I don’t have any damn choice in the matter, other than to start back at square one!
Theres also the issue of finances…
My Love has just changed jobs, and needs to re-build her contacts, and get some Sales back under her belt so that the income is back to ‘incoming’, and of course the old employer hasn’t been at all forthcoming with information to her customers when they ring up to get a hold of her – which whilst i know is definitely well within their right, and is totally expected – but it still feels kinda shitty (& petty)…
At the same time – even though the income isn’t what it usually is – the out-goings remain as they were prior to the move, and my part of the income is definitely needed right now, just so that we can eat – so a period of enforced time away from my work and the associated pay-cheque – scares the living daylights outta me!!
Its now almost a month since that happened, and I have been back at physio, had a fortnight of half-days again, at work, and am slowly on the improve.
Its a mentally difficult thing having it in the back of your mind every.single.moment of every.single.day – that at any moment, I could be laid up indefinitely…!
I don’t want to live every aspect of my life being super-careful, but i also know I cant just jump right on in and do everything that i either want to do, or have always done.
Its all a matter of learning and respecting my own limitations.
Not an easy thing – and something I know i will slip up with from time to time – but I’m trying to be sensible!!
One day at a time…
My Physio relocated to one of the southern states back in early October.
Before she left – she arranged for another physio in the same practice to take over my care, as I had seen this other physio a few times (when my usual wasn’t available) and she knew my full history – so there wouldn’t have to be a whole long extended hand-over needed.
I knew I’d been left in good hands, so whilst I was sad that my regular physio – whom i adored – was leaving, I felt confident that I was being left in good hands.
A week later, three days before I was due for my next appointment, I got a call from the receptionist at the clinic – to let me know that there has been a mass ‘walk-out’ (and resignations) of the majority of the physio staff – and that there was only one physio left at the clinic.
They would need to reschedule my next appointment – and with a bloke i had never see before.
I was less than pleased…!
Because there was now only one physio left at the clinic, the rescheduling meant that my next appointment was not for another eight weeks… 😐
Whilst I had managed to whittle down from needing three appointments per week, down to one a week – having to go eight weeks without an appointment scared me rather a lot.
And as luck has it, we live in a small rural community – and therefor don’t have the luxury or access to just going to a different clinic!
I made the appointment.
It was for December 2nd.
November 30th – the clinic called.
My appointment was ‘no longer available’…
I didn’t bother trying to make another.
I’m pissed off, I’m fed-up of being pushed to the back of the line – I’m done.
I don’t yet know quite what I am going to do about finding another physio.
I keep hoping that the girl I was initially scheduled to see when my original physio left, will pop-up somewhere locally, and I can score an appointment with her – but so far its not looking good.
Its been a couple of months now since the walk-out, and she hasn’t turned up anywhere that I have found yet 🙁
I’ll keep looking though, and keep asking around…
I need the help and guidance of a good physio to keep improving my pain and mobility – and to ensure that I dont back-slide too much.
I really dont think I could cope with the unmanaged pain, and being bed-bound again – like I was back in the early months of the year…I just don’t…
Its hard to fathom that its already been a month since the horror of not knowing if my Family was safe, following Hurricane Irma.
It was just over 48hrs after the hurricane swept through Tortola, before we finally heard that our Nephew, his family and two small children were safe – and another agonising 36hrs before we heard that my sister was also safe, and had managed to walk for miles – through what was basically a war-zone, to be reunited with them.
The relief when I finally heard my sisters voice on the other end of the phone line, was beyond description, and I hadn’t realise just how “wound-up” I’d been, until the exhaustion hit the following day, and I ended up getting sick, which we figured was probably a reaction to the stress I’d been under.
That whole business of remaining stoic during the crisis – and then falling into a puddle after its all over, type business.
Yep – thats exactly what I did!!
I ended up having 2 days off work – mental health days – to get myself back together, to sleep, and to just ‘heal’ from all that had gone on.
I’ve been putting in as much time as I can on my days off (which is usually about 3 hours at a time), into getting the house in town more prepared for finally being ready to go on the market.
I’ve got the majority of the painting done, and the general clean-up, and just have some touch-ups to do, the fridge cavity to paint, and the front room to clean properly, and I’ll have done most of the stuff that I am able to do by my self.
I need my Love to get a few chores done – and the chain has been being dragged there a bit.
I get that its a shitty job, and that motivation is lacking – I feel exactly the same way – but unfortunately we don’t have the money to get someone else in to do it – so we just need to suck it up, do what we gotta do – and get this proverbial bloody noose from around our necks!
There is no easy way out of this! (dammit!)
Earlier in the year, when tickets were first released, we managed to score two passes to the Elton John concert that was coming to the near-by City, in September.
We’d pretty much forgotten all about it, until the media hype surrounding the event sparked up and reminded us – so last weekend, off we trundled to the concert.
It was really good, and he can still belt out a song as well if not better than he ever could – and for ¾ of the concert, I was having a lovely time.
We had a great view of the stage, and were pretty much almost close enough to smell his sweat!
Then, at the ¾ mark, the security whom had been soooo good up until that point, decided to let the crowds that had been at the back of the stadium, surge down to the front.
Let me tell you – when there is a 25,000 strong crowd of people, surging around you – its more than a little overwhelming!!
For the last ¼, of the concert – my anxiety kicked in big time, and I think at the time, that I was pretty sure I was going to die in that Stadium!!!
I don’t think there was much at all that I heard of the last quarter – and what was going on for me, was a rush of adrenalin surging through me, that translated to the whoosh of a jet-engine inside my head.
It wasn’t nice….
Once the concert was over – getting out of the Stadium was surprisingly uncomplicated, and the congestion wasn’t too bad at all.
Unfortunately we then had a two hour wait, standing in a very slow moving line, to get a cab back to our hotel.
And apart from some of the foul-mouthed idiots that were in the line behind us – it was actually a relatively painless process!
I’m still going to the Physio on an almost weekly basis – and have had a bit of a back-slide in the last fortnight, which was exacerbated by the concert weekend, and spending so long sitting in a hard plastic chair, and then another couple of hours of standing in line for the cab.
So my body is having a bit of a flare-up at the moment, and the pain-levels have kicked up a notch or three.
Thankfully its nowhere even close to the pain I was in earlier in the year – but its been a frustrating reminder that I will never be truely ‘over’ this stuff, and its just a case of managing the condition as best I can, with help from the professionals…
I did get a bit of sad news last week during my Physio session though.
My Physio girl is going on an around-the-country adventure, and has resigned, and will be leaving as of the end of next week.
She has helped me so amazing much over the last eight months, that a part of me is a little bit scared of her leaving…
I’ll be moving over to another Physio in the same practice – whom I’ve seen numerous times and have a decent rapport with – but a part of me has come to rely on the ‘genius’ that my current girl has been.
She has made such an incredible difference to my abilities and pain levels over the previous months, that I can’t help but wonder how it will all go without her ‘by my side’, cheering me along.
I am incredibly excited for her though.
She is a wonderful young woman, with the world at her feet – and she should be going out there and grabbing every opportunity she can, with both hands.
Today – I had my first full day at home in a verrrry long time.
I didn’t go to work, I didn’t go to the house in town, I didn’t have to leave the Farm for anything – I just got to stay home all day – and it was BLISS!!
My Love had to go to work til about 1pm – so I was home-alone for the morning, to revel in it to the full!
I did laundry, had a solo breakfast whilst reading one of my favourite books, rearranged my closet, packed away most of the winter clothing, took the heavy blanket off the bed, did dishes, tidied the kitchen, and all the while listening to some of my favourite podcasts.
It was just sooo incredibly good for my soul – and a day that I desperately needed.
I’ve also had a birthday in the last month, and got a beautiful dinner cooked for me, and a relaxing evening spent at home with my Love, just being fed and generally pampered…
On the work front, we have a new member of Management starting next week.
A position that has been empty for the last two years, due to us not being able to find a suitable candidate to fill the position – so fingers crossed that it works out well, and takes some of the load off the rest of us who have been doing the duties of the position in the interim.
I’m a bit concerned that we have been doing those duties for so long now, that there won’t be enough of a ‘shifting’ of the duties to ease the load much – but I need to go into this with an open mind, and trust that the right thing will happen, and that the stress of the last few years will be relieved at least a little…
A bit of excitement happened this week.
Our neighbours on the northern side went for a day trip up to the rainforest, and while they were there visited a small intensive farm, that grew vanilla, amongst other things.
It seems that while they were there, the experience of what could be done on a relatively small parcel of land – lit an incredibly wonderful fire of enthusiasm into the man-of-the house, and he came home full of plans, eagerness and green type ideas of what he could accomplish on his own 1ac block – and a burning desire to learn everything he could about permaculture, gardening, food-forests and the like.
So this morning, I loaded up a hard-drive with ebooks, shows and various interesting links, and added a couple of all-rounder type books from our bookcase to the parcel, and handed it over the fence for him to dip in to.
He was pretty excited by it all – and headed off inside with his booty.
Hopefully he’ll enjoy it, cos for me the excitement is in having someone right next door to share knowledge, resources and a joy of this type of mind-set!!
We’ll be getting a couple of new-to-us unwanted hens in a couple of weeks, so it will be a learning curve of integrating them with our two bantams Jac & Izzy.
Hopefully will all go smoothly, and they’ll be happy to live together.
Despite the heat and dry of the last couple of week, the gardens are flourishing, but its looking a bit like we might lose two of the trees we planted a few weeks back.
They’re struggling a bit at the moment, so we’ve been giving them some extra care – but only time will tell if we can nurse them through this rough time that they’re currently having. Fingers crossed!!
Well – its Sunday which means my Love and I get to spend the day together getting some jobs around the Farm done – so I’d best get on with it and “do stuff“!!
Have a great week all.
And remember – sharing is caring… 🙂 you never know who of your friends might be interested in the Adventure!
I hope you do 🙂
Until next time – have a good one and look after YOU!
Eggs from our girls – Jac & Izzy.
Making laundry liquid with soap left-overs.
Elton John in concert.
Kipfler potatoes shooting.
Left-overs for lunch. Lamb korma on toast. YUM!
Our garden giving us some lurvvvve. Beautiful tomatoes.
As you know, I’ve been having issues with hip/back/leg pain for a while, and whilst for a short period in feb/early march – it seemed to be finally getting a bit better after repeated Dr & Physio visits, it got dramatically worse last week – so it was back to the Physio and the Doctor, and after a case-conference between the two – a decision has been made.
The discs between L3-L4 & L4-L5 are pushing on my spinal cord / nerves – which is whats causing bouts of agonising pain, as well as lack of sleep from said pain.
I have been placed on medical leave for the next four weeks, but am told it could well be 8+ weeks – and I have been ordered to be on bed rest.
I am NOT allowed to:
push
pull
lift
vacuum
sweep
mop
do stairs
do hills
twist
drive for more that a couple of kms (not too often)
sit for any extended periods of time other than meals / toilet
i AM allowed to:
lie in bed
lie semi-propped up in bed
sit for short periods
slow walks around on flat surfaces
I’ve been informed that due to the fact that my spinal nerve is already being impacted, we need to keep a watch out for any further loss of feeling, or loss of bladder/bowel control, as this could well lead to an emergency that would require surgery within 24hrs.
I haven’t quite worked out how Digby can be looked after properly quite yet – and am seriously thinking I might have re-home him.
It will be sad if I have to – but I want what’s best for him, and the options in front of us at the moment make me think that that’s probably going to be the best option.
I don’t want him to be confined or unhappy… 😒
I’ll certainly have time over the coming days and weeks, to work out and put systems in place for how our Life will be for the next while – including where I will spend the majority of the time.
House or Farm.
There’s positives and negatives for both!
Today is my first day home by myself, and I am at the Farm.
Digby is with me.
We found out right before the weekend – so at least I had my Love home to cheer me up for the first few days – when I was feeling very very raw. (Actually, we both were…)
Its such a gorgeous cool overcast day out today – with the sun occasionally jolting through to warm the grass – and there is a crisp breeze blowing.
Every fibre of my being wants to be out in the garden, potting up seeds, or planting seedlings, or papering and mulching.
BUT – I am semi-propped in my bed doing my blogging, and Digby is lying at my feet snoring.
He did however bring me in an empty pot…
I don’t quite know if he was trying to comfort, or tease me!! 😀
At least I have lots of windows and glass doors surrounding me, that I can see out into the garden from; and I have started a list of things already that I would like to get a start on, whilst I’m required to “stay still”, which I regularly get sidetracked from doing, when I am dealing with my usual day of chores and work.
Blogging, organisational lists for the Farm, outstanding letters and calls, long-term menu planning, and working out the intricacies of online grocery shopping – just to name a few! lol
Although I will have the ‘time’ – I probably won’t blog here much more than usual, as I don’t want posts to be nothing more than the ongoing wafflings of my ‘back saga’.
That would get realllllll old, realllllll fast – for all of us.
And right about as interesting as watching paint dry!!
Well, its time for me to go for a short stroll around the room – I need a change of position for a few minutes. lol
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My trusty Digby – snoozing away the morning, whilst I do my blogging from my bed.At least I have a lovely view of the trees, from the window at my bedside.Our Darling youngest daughter visited over the weekend, arriving just after we were given ‘the news’ – and she bought a special little plant for my bedside , to cheer me up. **sob** :))
I’ve been going to the Physio, and doing my exercizes for a few weeks now – and as promised it’s time for an update.
I’ve been managing to get around much better – and have been getting up to five hours straight of sleep, which for me is almost unheard of.
The usual is 2-3.
The Physio has been really pleased with how quickly I’ve progressed, and her enthusiasm and encouragement has been giving me a lot of confidence in myself, and in the ability of my body to get better from this – and it’s been keeping my optimism at a high – which has been great.
We’ve had the threat of a cyclone looming for the last week, and whilst it thankfully (for us) headed south and removed us from its path – in the days prior to it moving its course, we were on watch and cleanup mode – most of which we did on Saturday.
We didn’t have a lot to stow away at the Farm, but there were a pile of empty pots, and some rolls of wire, and the shipping container needed reorganising to be able to fit extra loose objects in, like wheelbarrows, tools, gates and such.
I did most of this by myself, as my Love had work appointments.
But I went slowly and carefully, and did all the jobs mindfully and with care.
Sunday morning rocked up, and getting out of bed was rather an ordeal, but after getting going, the rest of the day went ok, and I just pottered about doing Sunday-type stuff.
Monday morning getting out of bed was difficult and hurt.
I took some pain meds which got on top of it, and whilst I was uncomfortable for most of the day – I managed.
Tuesday is one of my (paid job) work days.
I was woken by pain at 3am.
Tried various positions, got up and had a walk and stretch, but after 45mins and being reduced to tears from the pain, I gave in and took some meds, and finally got to doze about an hour later, until the alarm went off just before 6.
Getting out of bed was hell.
I cried.
Going to the toilet was hell.
I cried.
I took meds as I made coffee.
By the time the meds kicked in and I got sorted for work – I arrived at work about 30mins later than usual – but thankfully my Boss is pretty relaxed and understanding about that…
I spent a lot of the day getting up and down, and wriggling about, so that nothing would ‘seize up’ too much – and midmorning I phoned the Physio, requesting if they had an appointment I could have today, instead of waiting for my 3:45pm appointment the next day.
Alas – my Physio was booked out – so I’d have to wait.
About an hour later the Physio rang back.
They had a 330 appointment if I could make it?
Yes please!
So I leave work, go to the Physio, and check in at the desk, then sit to wait.
After about 10mins, the receptionist comes over and tells me my appointment is for tomorrow.
I explain that I’d received a call to change it to 330 today.
No, says she – it’s 330 tomorrow.
Seriously…!!!!???!!!
I called you in desperation to get an earlier appointment, and you call me back later – to change my appointment by 15 minutes..??!!??
Seriously…!!!???
Yep – that’s what they did.
I left and went out to my car.
Tears welling.
Just as I was pulling out, the receptionist came out to the car.
I could come at 10:30 tomorrow if I’d like?
Yes please – I’d like!
So here I sit in the waiting room once again – hoping to lift my spirits and my pain, and get back some of that optimism…
I’ve been off work most of this week, having only managed one day, before my back and hip decided that they were going to cause me a living merry hell and make sitting at a desk – or doing much of anything useful really – an extremely painful process.
So midway through the afternoon on Tuesday I finally gave in and left work, heading straight to the Doctors, wanting to get some help.
Another two prescriptions and a referral later, I limped my sorry self off home, and promptly made an appointment for the next day, for the referred Physiotherapist.
Now…I went to a physio after my last hip&back flare-up back in January, but was thoroughly underwhelmed by the treatment given; which equated to about 20mins of a ‘tens’ machine on my back, whilst I did some prescribed knee-to-chest stretches, whilst lying flat on my back on a hard skinny table, and he consulted with another client, in a different room.
I left there feeling less than encouraged, with instructions to do 2 certain exercises for the next couple weeks, and see how I went.
I really felt like the care-factor was hovering around zero!
BUT – just on the off-chance that he did have a clue as to what he was talking about, I spent the next four or five weeks doing said exercises.
I can’t in all honesty though, say that I noticed any discernible difference in my healing or core-strength, than I had at other times, when my back and hips had been bad, and I had just let nature take its course.
And whilst over time my pain lessened, it didn’t fully go away, and I felt within myself that something wasn’t right, and that it had left me ‘damaged’ – and then it blew up big-time this week!
This time around, I went to a different Physio.
I’d heard a few people talking about this particular business, and all of them have been glowing reports – so I bit the bullet, made the appointment, and at the allotted time on Wednesday morning, I fronted up for my appointment.
The Physiotherapist that I was allocated was named Emma…She looked about 12… 😐
Well, says I to myself – I went to a bloke who was older than me, and it was a definite disaster – so going to a girl who looked young enough to be my grandchild (not really, but you know how it can feel like that sometimes…!) couldn’t be any worse, and with a bit of luck, her knowledge base would be fresh and current, and she’d still be in the first flushes of passion in her career, and be really good.
Well, I gotta say, and very happily so – that Emma blew me out of the water!!
She was incredibly knowledgeable, in ways that none of the previous Doctors or Therapists had been about bodily mechanisms.
She listened to my history; took a full examination of not only how I walked, what ranges of movement I had – both active and passive, but also a manual physical assessment examination was carried out.
She then taught me how and why the chronic pain was an ongoing issue, showed me just what was happening inside my body each time there was a flare-up, and explained in great depth about what “we” needed to get started on, on our way to getting it under control, and possibly even remedied.
She spent time massaging those areas of muscle that had atrophied, to get them to loosen.
She showed me a different way of ‘consciously’ walking – as the flare-up in January had left me with quite a limp, along with some noted muscle damage.
She showed me a better way of lying to sleep, so as not to aggravate the condition.
And she showed me three seperate exercises to do a few times a day, each day, at home – to help strengthen the muscles, tendons and nerves that all needed help.
We parted with an agreement that we would meet up each week for the next three weeks at least, so we could see if there was suitable improvement; to add extra treatments like acupuncture (which I’m a big fan of!) , and to reassess if we needed to change up the plan at all, or if we found that xyz wasn’t quite working.
I left the Practice feeling like I finally have someone who is “on my side”, with getting this issue sorted.
I feel like I am part of a team that is working on this, and I feel like this girl gives-a-damn about me, my pain, and my recovery.
For the first time in a long time, I’m feeling optimistic about there being a time in the future, when everything that I do, isn’t in some way impinged upon or limited by either pain, or range of movement.
Yes, I’m getting older, and we all age differently – but I can’t help but feel a certain amount of envy when I see people in their 60s, 70s and 80s who appear so much more agile and able than I am.
It’s also actually quite embarrassing when one can’t do ‘stuff’ that the average person my age would be ‘expected’ to be able to do…
😳😒
I’m only a few days post-visit, and I’m not about to tell you that a miracle has happened or that I’m healed and bouncing about like a 20 year old again.
I’m still having considerable pain for the first few hours of the day, but my 10 or 11, I can get about without much if any of a limp at all, and without having to hold on to the furniture or walls for support.
That alone is a huge relief.
I’m pretty sure my large dog was getting fed up of being my mobile walking stick, but unfortunately for him, and fortunately for me, his back and shoulders are just the right height for me to hold on to, to move around!
Over the last few months, he has been an amazing help to me, especially in being able to get up the front stairs of the house in town, of which there are about 20.
I can hang on to him, and he pulls me up the stairs.
I bet he wishes I were a more successful dieter!! lol
Ive been doing my prescribed exercises; though one of them I have been doing to a lesser extent, due to the pain that it induces, which according to the printouts Emma gave me: it should be uncomfortable, but not painful.
Its been interesting to monitor myself with how I walk, sit and sleep – and to correct each of those in the ways she has taught me.
Our built-in ways of doing sub-conscious things like these, can be difficult to retrain, and take quite a bit of conscious effort!
So – even though its only early days, and only time will tell how this will evolve – I am definitely feeling quietly optimistic…
I’ll be sure to let you know how its all going, after a few weeks of being in treatment!
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