a shitty mood

I usually really like Mondays.

They generally start – once my Love has gone to work – with some quiet contemplation.
No tv, no radio, no music – just the quiet of the morning, with the different birds all chatting away at full volume; like a mass of old folk outside a newsagent, talking about their plans for the week…

Its a morning when I wander around the garden – just me and my dog, looking at what needs doing, what needs attention, picking a few things as I go, and planning what I will water before the day heats up, and maybe a few rounds of ‘fetch’ to keep the dog happy, engaged and to fortify some of his training.

Its also when I sit and have a quiet breakfast, and think about how incredibly lucky I am to be in this place, at this time – and how grateful I am to have what I have surrounding me.

But some mondays – I just get the shits!!

Some mondays I get annoyed that I am going to spend the next 4-6 hours after my Love leaves for work, washing dishes, cleaning up the yard, sweeping, vacuuming, and mopping the floors, making the bed, wiping down the benches, watering the garden, packing up the garbage, emptying the fridge into the cooler bags so I can take it into town, packing non-refrigerated stuff into carry bags and lugging it all out to the car; collecting the laundry and lugging it to the car, packing up the computers and lugging them to the car too.
Locking up the sheds, closing all the blind and windows, turning off all the powerpoints, then pulling down and locking the roller-doors; clicking the collar on the dog, and putting him in the car and his seatbelt on, all before the final locking of the door, and getting in to the car to drive to our house in town, where we’ll spend the next four days.

When I get to town, its time to unpack all the stuff I’ve only just put in the car, put all the fridge and food stuff away, then start on the weekends laundry after lugging it too, up from the car.

Once thats on, its time to prep the house for us ‘moving back in’ for the rest of the week.
The floors all need vacuuming and mopping, flat surfaces all need wiping down, as do the vanities – even though I’ve done them all on the friday before, prior to heading off to head to the Farm!

I plan the menu for the week, and in between all that I reload the washer & dryer numerous times (we don’t have a clothes line in town 😕), and I take a trip to the grocery store to do the shopping for the next few days.

Today was one of those days when I had the shits…

Walking around crankily doing what needed to get done, being pissed off at having to close up and leave the Farmhouse for the next few days- when I sooo want to be here; mumbling to myself about what a stupid waste of time it was doing this same dance – every.single.week – just to go to a house that I didn’t want to have to deal with any more, and to a job I no longer want be at.

I was bloody miserable..! 😖

Even the dog knew something was up with me, so he was tailing my every move, and was constantly under my feet, or in my way – which of course was just making me crankier… 😒

It was time to just STOP!!

Time for an attitude adjustment – this wasn’t a good mind frame to be in, and the chores needed to be done whether I was happy or cranky.
It was going to be a lot more pleasant doing them – if I wasn’t in such a stinky mood.

So, I made myself a coffee, sat at the table, took off my glasses, and just stopped.

I consciously listened to the birds, and thought about how wonderful it was going to be, when I didn’t have to pack up and leave every week; when that time comes that I can spend the day all day in the garden if I want to, or tinkering about inside writing or painting a wall, or sewing something.

I thought about how lucky I am to have two roofs under which I can rest my head at the end of the day; when many are curled up on the ground with nowhere to call home.

I thought about the job I have, that brings in some income – no matter how ‘small’ it is…
Many have been to a hundred or more interviews and still have no job, and no idea where they’ll find the money for their next meal.

I thought about how grateful I am, that my Love supports me, and is willing to keep supporting me – not just emotionally – but financially too; in my soul-deep need to return to the ‘job’ I love most – that of being a HouseSpouse.

And then it came…
I could almost physically feel my mind and body shift.
Gratitude washed over me, like a slow, warm wave – leaving behind calm in its wake…

Today I chose to be happy.

I don’t manage to shift my attitude every time it stinks.
Sometimes I like to wallow in my misery, sometimes it almost seems that I like to have a ‘woe is me’ pity-party, sometimes I give in to the feelings of loneliness or rejection or whatever…

But then there are times like today – when I can look at myself objectively – and I can give myself the kick in the pants or the quiet space that I need, to get to where I need to be.

And on those days that I succeed? – I’ve got to admit – I’m pretty damn proud of me, for turning it around…

Until next time – look after you!



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