friends Archives | Simple Life Farmer

letting go…

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A couple of weeks ago on a Friday, I had two very influential people – who had become friends over the years and who were a big part of me choosing to minimise and simplify my life – decided that they were going to end their respective blog and podcast.

I have been listening to and reading along with these to women for many many years, and somehow it very much felt like the end of some kind of era.
They both announced it on the same day – and if I’m being truthful, I felt quite overwhelmed and sad for the next few days…

By Monday though, I had managed to talk myself around and whilst I still feel that there will be a small unfilled space within me with their departure, I also appreciate the mass of quality work that they put out there into the world for people to learn from, enjoy and interact with.
I have no doubt at all that their works will live on in history.

So here are some thoughts on those reason and season people…

There have been many reason or season people in my life over the years but very few lifetime ones.
I acknowledge and appreciate all those reason or season people.
They were a chapter in my book of life and travelled along side me on my journey.

Thank you for the lessons – even if at times it was hard – thank you for the joy, love, fun, friendship, adventure, learning, kindness and advice  … thank you for all of the different things that you brought in to my life.

It is often hard to let some if these people go.
There may be grief and a sense of loss – or there may be happiness and a sense relief – depending on what they brought to you.

Regardless of the circumstances, be gentle on yourself as these people transition out of your life.   Some may go forever, and some may take on another role.

But whatever happens – let them go with grace…

how fortunate am I?

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With each day that passes, I am more and more glad that I left work when I did.

I am also very very aware of how incredibly fortunate I was, to be in the position of having the support (in all ways) from My Love, that meant I was able to have that choice to leave work.

With the clamp-downs that have been happening now surrounding COVID-19, and all the associated job losses that are going along with it, I know that Continue reading “how fortunate am I?”

making friends

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Friends – thats todays subject!
Is it just me, or do others find it incredibly hard to make super-close friends?

I have a lot of people that I know that I can go have a cuppa, a meal, a wine etc with, or that I chat to with some regularity, but usually on a fairly superficial level – but I have no-one that I honestly feel I could share anything+everything with.

I know a part of it is my reticence to be truely vulnerable with people, particularly after two incidents when i thought i had made a close friend – only to find that the friendship wasn’t what i believed it to be – and i got very hurt in the process…

Throughout school (and we’re still friends to this day actually!) I had a wonderful friend Helen that knew every secret I held.
Knew me probably almost better than I knew myself at that age! lol
We can still pick up where we last left off with none of that awful awkwardness, and I would trust telling her anything – but the sad reality is – that we only catch up every few years – so there isn’t that daily / weekly opportunity…

In my 20’s I had another wonderful friend Caroline – who I spoke to every.single.day – and spent a lot of precious time with, and we aways had each others back.
That woman kept my sanity intact for a lotta years(!!) – but then I moved away, and we just seemed to slip away from each other…

Fast forward and here I am in my 50’s.

I had one brief friendship that meant a lot to me, that was ‘blossoming’, when I was in my mid-forties, but then she moved away – and it just sort of moved on without the necessary contact that close friendships take…

And these day I just don’t quite know how one gets to that place of going from a casual acquaintance / friend, to being someone who is really close!!

I know it takes an investment of time – and of course a certain amount of trust, vulnerability and faith – but how does one know just when the time is, that its safe to roll out those parts of you?

What if you think you like someone enough to be a friend, and then you have a few coffee ‘dates’, a few chats, maybe a lunch or two, and you get to thinking “naaaaaa – this just isn’t my kind of person” – how do you then dial it back without appearing rude, when up until then you’d been willing to invest the time, just in case this was going to be a friendship that worked out?
(and YES – I’m very aware that it might be me, who isn’t someone else idea of ‘the right person‘!)

How do you even know that you’re capable of being a decent friend?

Maybe I don’t have close friends ‘cos i’m not only not good at the making-friends part of it, but maybe i’m actually someone that people just aren’t draw to, to make friends with!!
Perhaps not a pleasant thought – but one that certainly needs looking at in the interests of honesty! 😐

I’m not one for groups, teams, hobbies, sports or crafts – so that way of meeting people is out.
I also don’t still have kids at school any more, so thats not an option.
Not only would the parents at the school-gate probably feel a little ‘young’ for me, but it would just be creepy to have some old lady without a kid to pick up, hanging’ out at the school-gates, trying to talk to random people!! 😀

Work is work and whilst I have met a few people through my work whom I feel like I have ‘clicked’ with – there is still the whole ‘work’ thing about it (and often a ‘hierarchy’ thing), that just makes it feel kinda awkward – both for me and them.

Sooooo – what does one do?
How do YOU go about this whole ‘making friends’ business?

Thoughts and opinions welcome and encouraged, so please feel free to share, as I’d love to get a wealth of knowledge and opinions on this topic! 🙂

Cheers,

those that inspire

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A month or so ago, a girlfriend and I had a coffee-date at one of the lovely local cafes.

We work together, but don’t socialise much at work, because we both just tend to get busy, plus we work in different parts of the office – so when either of us has a break, we both tend to just zone out for that time period, and pretend we’re anywhere else, rather than spending it with others, being social in the staff room.

It had been almost a year since we last caught up outside of work, and we had a rather in-depth discussion about how we were both in exactly the same ‘place’ as we’d angsted about being in, a year earlier…
Still in the same jobs, still being miserable, and still talking about leaving.

But this time, unbeknownst to each other, we’d each been formulating a plan…

Neither of us had the details down pat, but we’d each decided that by the end of the year, we would not still be dreading that walk through those sliding glass doors each week.
We would not still be being consistently treated like crap, when we routinely went above and beyond…

My friend had a more time-specific plan than I – she planned for August 1 to be her end date.
My end date was planned to occur once our house in town had sold.

Last week was a particularly stressful and horrid week at work.
At the start of this week, my friend privately talked to me at work, apologised, and quietly told me that she was submitting her resignation on Wednesday morning…she just couldn’t hold out any longer…

I was overjoyed!!

There was certainly no need for her apology – although I deeply appreciated the sentiment behind it.
She and I “get” each other, and we have each others back.
We understand just what working in that particular pressure-cooker environment, with that particular mix of staff, is like – in a way that few others can.

So – here we are at Wednesday – and today she did it!!
She handed in her resignation.

I am so happy for her, and proud for her that she has taken this step.
She already walks with more of a lightness to her step – and despite it being another shitty day at work, I can see the ‘light’ returning to her eyes.

Yes, I am a little sad that in a few short weeks, she will no longer be there for me to roll my eyes at 100 times a day when something goes sideways, and I’ll miss not having someone there who has my back, and ‘understands’ – but I honestly could not be happier for her – that she has take the leap.

I can only hope that when that glorious day arrives for me, I can hold my head high and muster up just a tenth of the dignity and grace that my friend showed today…

She’s one brave, strong, inspirational Lady that one – and I just hope we don’t lose touch.